• Quote of the Day
    "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
    Nelson Mandela, posted by Daniel

Cavi

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2006
Messages
416
Points
16
Last night I had a dream about the events that happened with my ex T, except the person playing my ex T was my new T's sister who I just saw a picture of in my T's office yesterday...Its weird how dreams play out like that...This stupid dream has thrown me back into all of the pain...My ex T use to beg me not to terminate and if I walked out of her office she would call me at home crying and was frantic...

But than she would take a step back when she realized that wasn't a role of a T and she would become Jekyll/Hyde and cut me off at the knees with her voice...I spent more time confused those 8 years than I care to remember...

So now, this a.m. all I've done is cry and I get mad b/c I cry and I can't do my run today b/c I have a growth on my groin and when the muscle gets inflamed the growth pushes on a nerve and I have pain all the way to my knee...The docs want to remove the growth but I keep telling them not in this life time!...With alot of tylenol and rest today, I'll be able to run tomorrow...

Now just get through today...I had a wall built around me so I wasn't feeling the pain of what my ex T did and me and my big mouth spilt the whole story to my new T yesterday which in turn triggered the stupid dream and depression...Oh heck. maybe I'll get drunk and pass out...heh...RIMH
 
Joined
Oct 14, 2004
Messages
8,521
Points
48
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. It sounds so hard what you went through with your ex-therapist. I think all the emotions you're having are probably normal as you're trying to deal with what happened.

It seems like your new therapist is totally different though and can help you through this.

Wishing you the best.
 

braveheart

Member
Joined
May 8, 2005
Messages
1,485
Points
36
Its understandable you'd be feeling lots of sorrow and pain for the injustice you endured. In a way, I sense that it's a kind of grief, and almost shock, recognising it's reality. That you cannot fully run away from it any more. But that it's safer now. It will take time to realise that. Try to be gentle with yourself.
 

Cavi

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2006
Messages
416
Points
16
Flashbacks, depression and anxiety just doesn't mix...Plus I am standing up for what i believe in on another forum and I'm making enemies...I believe that at some point we have to take respondsibility for our own actions and stop blaming our parents or whomever...Also I want to say, I was just as guilty in the relationship between my ex T and I...I won't push my views on someone but if I'm point blank asked, than I won't deny my beliefs...

Its the same in K and I's relationship, I'm no saint...I guess I'm sad b/c I liked these people on the other forum and now b/c we disagree on something, I am an outcast...Won't be the first/last time...Not good timing with everything else going on...If I am wrong about something I am the first to admit it (usually, I can get stubborn tho) if saying that i have to take respondsibility for my own actions sounds self righteous, than so be it...

RIMH...who right about now wished life was over..........
 

Heather

Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2005
Messages
373
Points
16
I am so so sorry that you feel this way, I just wish that I could do something to help you.

And please be careful about saying that you wish life was over, it can put you into a yukky mind set and upset others on the site.

Sigh I really just wish that I could help you, reach out and make it all better.

At least know that I am thinking of you.

Heather...
 

Cavi

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2006
Messages
416
Points
16
Thanks Heather....Things will be getting better, acceptance is freedom and I accept I am my grandmothers/mothers granddaughter/daughter...I've fought it all these years b/c I didn't want to be like them but the truth is, I am just a younger version of them...RIMH
 

texasgirl

MVP
Joined
Aug 13, 2006
Messages
703
Points
16
Sometimes I think the same thing about my mother and grandmothers. Then I ask what is different about me. Then it seems to me that I may have some similarities but much is different too. Is it like that for you?
 

Top Bottom