More threads by taylor


Good morning,

I have been fighting with myself (and my husband) about something that, I think, is a valid agruement...

I met my husband in 1997, I owned my own home, I had two children (noys) from my first marriage. I had everything I wanted, two beautiful kids, my own home, which I loved and a GREAT job!! Six years ago, my new husband and I decided to sell my both of our homes and purchase one together, now that we had a third child, we needed more space, we both agreed. Of course my brand new house sold first, we had to move into his 33 year old house that needed MUCH remodeling I might add. We moved here with the intentions of only living here for 6-8 months or as long as we needed to sell the house. I reluctantly accepted the challenge of living in this home that needed alot of work, and was where he and his ex lived together, although it didn't bother me very much that it was his house with is forst wife, I didn't and never and still don't feel like it's my HOME, not to mention that the house was smaller thatn the one I lived in before, (which still didn't give us the extra room we were looking for. I packed all of my things into storage, (kids Picutres, winter clothes, extra dishes, etc. I kept just enough for the next 10 months, just in case things didn't go as planned.... Six years later, we are still living here. For the past six years, we have had a lot of problems about living here, I simply don't like it!! Our relationshop has sufferred a lot from it. Now that we have sold the house after extensive remodeling etc. my husband says that he doesn't want to buy a large home, we've been having so many problems that he doesn't want to buy a house until we know if we are going to stay together... My entire fight has been about living here in the first place. I want a home that I can put mytself into, my own "Signature". I don't want to worry if I paint it this color, will the buy get turned off? I can't hang my kids pictures because we will make too many holes in the walls and that might turn a buyer off too. I still have all of my possessions in storage, mainly because we don't have the space for most of the items.

OK, so here is the true question:

Am I wrong? Do I not have the right to complain about not liking my house? Do I not deserve to be unhappy living here or anywhere else for that matter? Am I being selfish or materialistic? My husband says that I am spoiled and that the house doesn't make the home... I agree, but what if you don't want that house to be your home? Should I like it or lump it? Is there an law that says I have to like where I'm living and not want for more, EVER? Why does he try to make me feel guilty for wanting a nicer, real home, for my family and MYSELF? And should I feel guilty? I am so confused, I just want to be happy.

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
This sounds like the perfect situation for couples counseling, taylor. I suspect that there is more beneath the surface issues for both of you and after 6 years of covert and overt conflict my guess is it will be difficult for you to resolve it on your own.

Have you ever tried or considered or discussed this?
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