I thought it interesting to write a list of things not to say to someone with an e-d or recovering or conversations to have with someone with an e-d. It may be helpful for those of you that don't know what to say! I will talk in the "they " form cause well it just seems more impersonal and I don't really want to say "I"
- don't talk about calories! they know more than you and they will just obsess on the conversation and well they already think about it 24 hours a day and could use a break!
- don't talk about weight - your weight, there weight - unless you bring it up in a sense I am worried about you or something cause if you tell them they lost weight they look thin or other that will just increase their obsession cause they will feel gratified and want to lose more so that their weight loss is even more noticed to basically make sure that they really are thin enough and then they will spiral out of control trying to lose more and more weight to eventually try themselves to see that they are thin but they won't be able to cause the disease won't allow it!
- try not to talk about the physical part of her or him that's changed - go with the emotional part, the attitude part, cause physical although important from a medical standpoint for you as a friend or family member "we" look for support and hope, not the talk about how we are killing ourselves! we want to know that you love us!
- don't join in our obsessions - if we talk about food don't get mad, just change the subject really quick cause then we will just see that you just don't want to talk about it rather than you are mad at us then leaving us with the feeling of just not being perfect enough!
- don't tell us that we are ugly, too thin, or other ! cause we don't see it - we see fat so if you tell us we are ugly or too thin although somewhere in our heads we know it to be true we can't see it so it will only increase our frustration cause we will feel that you are lying, that you are just trying to control us, and that we are basically truly fat (although girls and boys we are not fat) - again keep with the emotional part and not the physical
- Be a friend - talk to us like we haven't changed and if you can't take it anymore the whole smiling and pretending nothing is happening every once and a while take us aside and tell us that you love us and that you care for us and that you don't want us to waste away.. let those speeches become more frequent as you see we will slowly see we are losing it and want to latch on to something ..
- when we say we have had enough and we burst into tears hold us and give us hope don't place blame! help find solutions - try to make us see the real picture
- if we ask if we are thin or things like that, don't answer yes, don't answer no either, just change the subject - if you answer yes we will feel empowered and want to lose more - if you answer no we will want to lose more.