More threads by ChrisR

ChrisR

Member
Hello!

I have a friend (female), which seems to feel awkard, while being in presence of people, which are more carismatic than her. When I talk to her, she is all smiling, but I noticed that she has trouble adapting to the situation.
I made some reasoning why this is so and observed that her other friends, with which she spends most of the time, are far less talkative/carismatic than her. I believe that she got used to this social environment and any person which shows a bigger difference regarding carisma, causes her an unpleasant feeling. What is your opinion on this?

Thanks for reading,
Chris
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I'm not sure I understand what you think charisma has to do with it or why you conclude she is uncomfortable.

I probably talk more around people who are quieter and less talkative and listen more around people who are chattier (or depending on the situation I might ask leading questions in an effort to try to help them talk a bit more, if they seem to be uneasy or shy) -- that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me feeling uncomfortable.

What is it you see that makes you think she's "awkward"?
 

ChrisR

Member
She seems to be happier when I allow or help her to take a dominant position in the discussion. This is why I conclude that she has a problem with charismatic persons, who express themselves a wider spectrum of emotions and who take a stronger grip on the discussion. It is just my feeling and I am completely unsure about this.
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
All right -- I'm not trying to be difficult here but what do you mean by "happier"? What is it you're seeing?

Maybe it's more that when you back off a little you're giving her more of a chance to talk herself?

My point is that conversation is an interactive thing -- you sometimes need to give people room to talk but that's not necessarily an indication of social anxiety or anything like that.
 

ChrisR

Member
She seems to feel more comfortable when she leads the conversation. It's not like I am stopping here from talking or that I am talking all the time, not giving her the chance to express herself. She seems to be more comfortable when she is in a leading dominant role. She smiles more (and it is not an evil grin, it's the kind of smile you show when you are pleased) and seems to be a bit more enthusiastic.

I'm not trying to be difficult here

I am very thankful for your replies.
 

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