it's been coming and going the last few weeks, feeling tired, irritable, and the last few days sad or down. i have moments where i think i'll be fine, and then my moments, like now, where i get scared. what if i am going to spend the rest of my life having to fight off depression? it frightens me because it has had such a huge negative impact on my life and those closest to me. i don't want to put my husband through this, i don't want my children to suffer because i'm too wrapped up in myself to give them the attention they need. i want to be carefree and happy and be a fun-loving wife and mom. not someone who's stressed out for no good reason. it's so unfair to them. i am upset with all this. i don't want to go down that road again. why is it so hard to just work at it, to do what i need to do to stay healthy? why do i see pictures of myself as a child and feel sad for that little girl? why am i feeling pain again for no good reason? i am tired of this, tired of feeling lonely, tired of feeling so much. i am tired of being unhappy.