Feeling hopeless

[Eye Stigmata]

I think I just finally realized that my 'big dreams' are always going to be...just a dream. I don't think I can do it. I don't think I'll ever be able to do it. I just want to be somebody...anybody. I think being adopted has made me feel so unworthy...for so long. I think sometimes I just look for even the slightest bit of accpetance from others, I think because I was given up, I feel neglected and unwanted.......which would explain why I always feel like I need to please other people. I always need to earn something from someone else to feel like I'm doing ok.

It's sad actually...is this a normal characteristic of people who were adopted?...or am I just messed up. Anyways, So I'm pretty much sick of being me.....and it's funny, because no one knows the real me...well maybe a few people, but I hide so much. I'm pretty well ready to just explode...I think I need to get away from this city...away from everything dear and familiar...maybe that would help? who the heck knows!!! I don't know how much longer I can take of waking up and feeling like this every morning. I feel like a piece of garbage......hmm wow, it's nice to let that out.

 

[Mari]

H! Monkey Munch,

is this a normal characteristic of people who were adopted?.

Anyone on this forum can give you an answer to your questions but only a professional can help you deal with the underlying issues. I can give you my opinion but what really matters is what you think and feel. When I was growing up my very best friend was adopted and although I am sure he had questions and concerns he was very much loved and cared for. Maybe you are messed up, maybe you are very much loved, maybe you could ask your family for support in finding some help for whatever it is that is making you feel so bad. :heart: Mari

 

[Banned]

Hi Monkey Munch,

I was adopted at three weeks of age and I can relate to what you are experiencing. There are so many studies now that demonstrate how critical those early days/weeks/months are for infants.

I spent my whole life seeking the acceptance and approval of others, because I felt (subconsciously I would guess) that I was not good enough for my b-mom to keep me, and I needed to work hard so other people would like me and not reject me.

It took ALOT of work in therapy to move past this, and I'm not 100% there - it's still something I work on in therapy but my perspective now is very different from what it used to be, so even when I find myself falling in to old thought patterns I can usually change my thinking.

I did meet my b-mom, thinking that would make things better. I suppose it did in a way. She was really, really wacked and made me very grateful that she didn't keep me and raise me .

You can move past this but it needs to be done with a skilled therapist and it takes a while so the sooner you start, the sooner you'll feel better! (My therapist specializes in working with children and adolescents, so you may want to find one that specializes in adoption cases or has experience working with children as I find they have a better understanding of the dynamics).

 

[Into The Light]

hi monkey munch, i am sorry you are struggling right now. i think the feelings of being unwanted because you were given up for adoption probably are quite normal. it will take work to get past this and it probably doesn't really help much right now but maybe some day you will see that maybe there were very good reasons to give you up, and it had nothing to do with who you are. maybe your birthmother wanted to give you a good life and wasn't able to give this to you herself and knew it. to give you up would then be a huge sacrifice and a huge sign of love. i don't think i could ever, ever give up a baby but i can see situations that where as incredibly difficult and painful as that is, it is best in the situation and it would take enormous courage to do this.

also try to look at your adoptive family. they wanted you. they worked hard to get you. the adoption process is very difficult and takes a very long time. it's a really rough process for those wanting to adopt and takes patience and perseverance, and is really a trying and stressful rollercoaster ride. they wanted you, really wanted you, and went through that difficult process to be able to bring you home.

you sound like you are in so much pain, and i know it's hard, but things can get better. don't let the hopelessness and despair get the better of you. they are difficult feelings to feel but try to remember that they can and will pass, and with help from a professional your pain can be taken away and you can start to love yourself.

many of us here at psychlinks have gone through the depths of depression feeling there was no way out, no hope, including myself. i know how deeply painful it is to be in that place. it can get better, i got through it, survived it and am happy and grateful for it today. you deserve to feel better and not feel worthless. you aren't worthless.

 

[suewatters1]

I am a single person that someday if I meet and fall in love with a man I would love to adopted a child. Maybe even an Children Aids Society child. Because right now I am on too many medication and I am 45 years old so know why would I want to give birth to a child while I am on medication and also my age I am getting to old for it.
But I would love to adopted a child and it wouldn't be a newborn.
I would want the child to know that the parents were probably having difficult times and felt it was best the child could find a better stable home. But that they would never forget the child they gave up and problem think of you all the time. That is what I would say if I had an adopted child.

Have you ever tried to find your birth parents? My Dad was adopted and when he turned 18 his adopted father told him where his real father lived. His aunt had adopted him but he didn't live near his real father so he never knew him. His birth mother died a few weeks after giving birth to my Dad)

Maybe with counseling you would learn to understand why you feel the way you do and get help to go through it.

Sue