Feeling that most strangers dislike me or find me distasteful

[sociallyDisabled]

Hello to the community. I honestly seek your help.

I am an average looking, south European. Recently moved to a big city for work, I used to live in smaller communities until I was 23.

Recently I've got the feeling that strangers stare at me much more than usual.
The stare is immediately followed by a nose touch gesture or eye rub (Please search google images since I cannot provide links).
I think this is a negative first impression triggered by something in my appearance.

Is this me paying too much attention and making up stories?
Is it possible that my appearance / movement seem weird and cause this?


I developed a phobia to get out of the house and do things !!
It used to be so easy for me to make friends and go out, what changed I cannot understand

 

[David Baxter PhD]

My guess is that you are reading too much into simple glances and gestures.

 

[MHealthJo]

Hi there!

I'm sorry that you are having a really hard time. It's really great that you are ready to try reaching out and talking about things.

Do you have anyone you know in real life, a kind and honest person, that you could talk to about how you come across to others? Sometimes there can be little things like mannerisms we aren't aware of, and we can work on them once we know. (Have you thought of this: it could be that some people just feel a little shy after someone else looks at THEIR face! )

But it is equally likely that there may be nothing going on at all. Social anxieties and phobias can really create these worries in our minds.

I wonder also whether you have any chance to talk to a kind therapist or psychologist about it? They can be very helpful in helping us figure out if there is something to work on, or if it the issue is negative thoughts and worries instead.

 

[sociallyDisabled]

Thank you for your replies.

My guess is that you are reading too much into simple glances and gestures.

I semi-read a body language book in the past and I think I gained some false knowledge that made me misinterpret gestures...
How can I change this and don't let such small things affect me?

Hi there!

I'm sorry that you are having a really hard time. It's really great that you are ready to try reaching out and talking about things.

Do you have anyone you know in real life, a kind and honest person, that you could talk to about how you come across to others? Sometimes there can be little things like mannerisms we aren't aware of, and we can work on them once we know. (Have you thought of this: it could be that some people just feel a little shy after someone else looks at THEIR face! )

But it is equally likely that there may be nothing going on at all. Social anxieties and phobias can really create these worries in our minds.

I wonder also whether you have any chance to talk to a kind therapist or psychologist about it? They can be very helpful in helping us figure out if there is something to work on, or if it the issue is negative thoughts and worries instead.

I don't think that in most cases I stare too much but I am afraid that my mood results in some physical manifestation of negativity and others pick it up.

I recently talked with a psychologist (4 1-hour sessions) and she assured me I don't have a serious issue.
To be more precise, she told me it is just low self-esteem and she also told me that the things I achieved in life should result in quite the opposite and try to make me find my lost confidence.
Also, some suppressed feelings about the loss of my father, 2 years ago.
Don't know if this information helps you to give me some tips!

To be honest, my biggest fear is that this feeling will stay with me forever and that's what I try to fight against.

 

[MHealthJo]

Oh my gosh, the 'interpreting body language' books and 'experts' and everything really make me mad. I've never seen such inaccurate and arbitrary stuff be taken so seriously... it leads to jumping to conclusions, mind reading, etc... all the things that are NOT healthy or useful! Sorry that these fads have affected you.

I'm going to suggest to you a book that will do the opposite and help you. Read 'Feeling Good' by David Burns - start to finish, and do all the exercises and work in there. I believe it can help you.

Hang in there!

 

[Andy]

Hi sociallyDisabled,

I have this same issue. I have to admit I am quite a bit better now, but I use to be pretty bad. I wonder if the fact that you are use to a smaller community has anything to do with things. I grew up in a small town and was anxious there but once I went to a big city it was overwhelming because I didn't see people I knew all the time and there was a lot more people and I just felt out of place. I just read your post and that stood out, as that was/is a big part of my issue with this.

 

[forgetmenot]

Just wanted to say that everyone is too busy with their own lives to be staring at you or anyone they are too caught up in their own pain their own trauma

 

[sociallyDisabled]

Hi sociallyDisabled,

I have this same issue. I have to admit I am quite a bit better now, but I use to be pretty bad. I wonder if the fact that you are use to a smaller community has anything to do with things. I grew up in a small town and was anxious there but once I went to a big city it was overwhelming because I didn't see people I knew all the time and there was a lot more people and I just felt out of place. I just read your post and that stood out, as that was/is a big part of my issue with this.

How did you get better?

 

[Andy]

How did you get better?

Well, my situation is obviously different then yours. I think by trying to keep a statement like the last sentiment that forgetmenot said, in my head. Trying to remember that other people are much to busy with their own lives to care about mine. If that didn't work it was "who cares you will probably never see that person again." Doesn't always work but I find it helps.

 

[MHealthJo]

Sometimes it can also be important to remember that these other people are not 'better than you' or 'above you', or anything....

If you are not doing something hurtful or wrong, really what right do others actually have to judge you.

If anyone was doing so about your looks, or being overly judging or critical in some other way - really, maybe that says something a bit negative about them, rather than meaning something bad about you. You can try to remember that even if someone did ever seem to be judging you... you could think of it as kind of their problem, rather than yours.

 

[Hellboy]

Hello to the community. I honestly seek your help.

I am an average looking, south European. Recently moved to a big city for work, I used to live in smaller communities until I was 23.

Recently I've got the feeling that strangers stare at me much more than usual.
The stare is immediately followed by a nose touch gesture or eye rub (Please search google images since I cannot provide links).
I think this is a negative first impression triggered by something in my appearance.

Is this me paying too much attention and making up stories?
Is it possible that my appearance / movement seem weird and cause this?


I developed a phobia to get out of the house and do things !!
It used to be so easy for me to make friends and go out, what changed I cannot understand

I think misreading and over-reading the social cues of others is at the crux of social phobia.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I think misreading and over-reading the social cues of others is at the crux of social phobia.

That's certainly often a contributor but not the whole issue or problem.

 

[heatherly]

I don't think people pay that much attention to a person's looks. If they did then onlythat that are considered "beautiful" would have friends.