poohbear
Member
I'm newly separated. Living in my own appt. for abt. 2wks. now. The first week, I was so busy working and moving in, I had no time to reflect. The next, it was my week to have the kids-- we alternate weeks. This week, my middle one was sick, so I offered to keep him with me. So, I was off this week, AND had quiet time. I decided to just take the rest of the week off. I think I'm depressed, but am not really sure, as I have been really detached from my feelings for a while-- years, in fact. (anger, though, usually isn't an issue.) One night, soon after moving in, I was thinking about living alone, being alone, you know, and cried a bit. But not much. Then, since then, nothing. The last few days, though, I've eaten like a pig in a grocery store. (I'm bulimic.) I've only purged once. And have slowed down quite a bit, since I've realized what I've been doing. But it's disconcerting to think about all this. To think I can't be alone with myself and be happy. Especially after being so UN happy for so long in the marriage, and to have looked so forward to moving out, and then to be doing this. I really enjoy being in my own space. I don;t miss my husband, really. The kids, yes-- him, no. I can keep my place as clean or as messy as I want it. Clean is usually the norm. He was impossible to live with-- a slob to the core. So, it's such a relief to have my own space to keep clean, to have my own way. He also would not let me move things in the home the way I wanted-- he'd actually move furniture BACK when he came home. Even if it took him all night to do it. He left all his paperwork all over the house. Never cleaned the kitchen. Only did laundry when he ran out of underwear.rarely vacuumed. Hated air fresheners. Man -- am I being too picky? Is it too much to expect your surroundings to be clean and orderly? Anyway-- Ive been feeling weird today. Wanted to see if anyone else had been thru this. Got any advice?--Poohbear