Feelings - Relationship and more

[Deana86]

I also feel numb. I'm at a stand still with my life. I have the ex husband (only separated) being mean to me, I feel no good luck is on my side when it comes to my house and trying to refinance,so now I have to sell and my LDR hasn't replied to my emails in over 2 days. We split just before Xmas because his ex wife threatened to take away their daughter. His daughter is his life. He got scared and said he had to let me go. We emailed each other once a day since until 2 days ago. He told me he loves me with all that he has and always will but he can't give me what I deserve right now. Told me him is suffering more than I know for not being with me and he tried so hard to be the bad guy and not respond to me but he can't help it and misses me. I sent him an email last night, I got everything out that I wanted to get out and told him I'm letting go but to at least email me back to say he read that email so I knew and he hasn't even responded to me. I'm heart broken. Since I can't contact him any other way besides email or his work phone, I just feel so low. I want to ring him and ask him why he just couldn't reply, is it that hard now to just reply with a quick response so I know he read it and it's closure.

There is so much going on, my anxeity has spiked, my depression isnt helping me cause all i want to do is cry all the time even over nothing. I coukd drop a pen and cry over that. That's all I needed was one answer from him and I couldn't even get that. It hurts so much

 

[MHealthJo]

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through, Deana. What an incredibly difficult situation.

(I made a separate thread for you so that I can respond a bit more fully and stuff.)

This is just my guess from what you have said, but to me it seems like he truly does not want to disconnect from you - it seems like he has not replied because that would be accepting that things are ended with you.

Would you continue the relationship if he went ahead with legal action to make sure that he can keep contact with his daughter?

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

 

[Deana86]

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through, Deana. What an incredibly difficult situation.

(I made a separate thread for you so that I can respond a bit more fully and stuff.)

This is just my guess from what you have said, but to me it seems like he truly does not want to disconnect from you - it seems like he has not replied because that would be accepting that things are ended with you.

Would you continue the relationship if he went ahead with legal action to make sure that he can keep contact with his daughter?

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I would definitely go ahead with the relationship. We were going ahead, he was the strong one in the relationship. Nothing could break us. That night, we said goodnight through text and literally within hours he messaged he again and send I'm so sorry but I have to let you go. I spoke to him and he said his daughter came in his room crying and asking him questions that no 4 year old would even understand. She asked him if he is living because of her, now, I know that no 4 year old would ask that, they don't know or understand but I know the ex wife was his their child's head. He has arguments and and he never ever tried to argue in front of their daughter. When she found out he had moved on, the ex wife screamed at the top of her lungs in front of their daughter saying she was going to make their daughter hate him. Who says that? Who uses their child as pawn? So from that moment on, the brain washed their daughter and the next thing I know, he is letting me go because of their daughter.

He was ready for that divorce, he told the ex that she needs to deal with it. I guess she won. He always told me that his daughter is his life and when it comes to their daughter, the daughter comes first which I understand. I was in that same position 2 years ago with my ex husband. My ex husband tried to get full custody and of course didn't win and we have 50/50.

At times, especially now since he won't respond to my emails that I am not worth fighting for. I fought my entire family when I told them I was flying over to see him and they all got so angry but I fought them all. I feel like he can't fight for me. I have given up on emailing him, I guess it is the end.

It hurts so badly. I've been married and been in serious relationships before my marriage and not one of those relationships I have ever felt like this. I always thought my ex husband was my soul mate, I didn't realise until this new relationship what a soul mate felt like. You just feel it. No words can describe it. We both felt it and we were so happy, literally 2 peas in a pod. Now my other pea is gone. I feel empty inside. My heart hurts and feel like my chest has been ripped open.

I have to let go though, I can't hold on to something that isn't there. If I mean anything to him, then he will contact me but otherwise I'm no longer contacting him.

 

[Deana86]

What is the thread called that u started? I can't find it

 

[MHealthJo]

(The thread is this thread we are using now)

Is this man still living with his daughter's mother?

Are they still legally married?

When did he tell his daughter's mother that their relationship is 'over'?

 

[Deana86]

(The thread is this thread we are using now)

Is this man still living with his daughter's mother?

Are they still legally married?

When did he tell his daughter's mother that their relationship is 'over'?

Yeap they were legally married and yeap told her they were done. They were over for ages until she found out he was happy and moved on. Yeah still living together till he got his own place but they lived separately (same thing my ex hubby and I did only because we had our brand new house and mortgage to pay and either of us could afford to live there on our own). The only problem with their separation was she refused to get a job till their daughter starts school (which is this year), when he spoke to his lawyer, he said if she doesn't get a job then he will be paying out so much in child maintenance fees so he wouldn't be able to afford child maintenance and rent on his own. She is the type of woman who doesn't want him but he isn't allowed to be happy and no one else is allowed to have him. She knew he was seeing someone but she flipped it when she found out it was LDR. It's just a mess.

I still havent heard from him and I havent emailed him

 

[MHealthJo]

What a difficult, hurting situation. I am so sorry.

 

[Clancey]

Deana,
Human relationships are not that hard to figure out. What clouds perception is emotion. I read what you wrote and thought, it's time for her to set her eyes on the horizon and walk forward, away from both men. Then again, I have no emotional attachment, so for me it is easy to say that, but I still think that is your answer. I think you have games being played by both men. Games drag you down and suffocate your natural spirit. Now at 62 years of age, I look back at all the time I wasted worrying over people who were immature and insecure. Best of luck to you.

 

[Deana86]

Deana,
Human relationships are not that hard to figure out. What clouds perception is emotion. I read what you wrote and thought, it's time for her to set her eyes on the horizon and walk forward, away from both men. Then again, I have no emotional attachment, so for me it is easy to say that, but I still think that is your answer. I think you have games being played by both men. Games drag you down and suffocate your natural spirit. Now at 62 years of age, I look back at all the time I wasted worrying over people who were immature and insecure. Best of luck to you.

Clancey
I think you are right completely. They always say that when the right one comes along that it just fits and no matter what you go through, they will still be there at the end of the day.

My problem is I where my heart on my sleeve, when I'm with someone, I give them my all. Maybe I fall to easy or I care to much, but that's something I need to work on.

You are right, sometimes people need to just walk away, not give a care in the world what they think or do, but when you have that connection with someone and you love them to all ends, it's hard to get up and dust yourself and walk on sometimes. Usually I'm a strong woman, I've been through hell and back in past relationships. I was made to come out stronger than what I was going in. This time, I'm weak as all hell. The more I try to get up and move forward, the more I seem to crumble. The pain this time round is so much more worse. I feel empty, like my other half is gone. But I need to let it go, it's over and I need to somehow pick myself up and keep moving forward.

 

[MHealthJo]

Yup. Doing the thing we know we have to do, can just be So. Damn. Hard.

Don't forget if needed, the amazing healing and strengthening power in things like a therapy or counselling relationship, or self-help resources or self-development journeys... At those times when we can't seem to find the new moment of extra strength that we need in a new or unexpected situation, which happens to all of us at times, there is always more and deeper strength to be found with a new tool or idea we can get our hands on, or from the truly unconditional, supportive, reliable relationship to be found in a good therapist. Groups such as this one and the online friendships you mentioned having Deana are wonderful too.

It is excellent how you have sought out support for yourself here Deana. I know in your own time you will find your way and at your own pace when you are ready you will grieve whatever you need to grieve and you will find new, beautiful things in your life. Each experience helps us learn anyway what to look for vs what might be signs that a path could turn out to be not what we need. It's not an easy or simple path for anyone, and it's absolutely OK to seek out guidance at those disheartening times when we wonder if we could speed up our journey to get where we would like it to be. I have found the work of authors like Barbara de Angelis and Dr Phil McGraw fantastic for this kind of guidance and new insights, at times when I wanted to move more easily toward what I want but did not have access to the more individual guidance of a therapist.

Blessings to you Deana, you have reservoirs of strength within you and I have no doubt that you will find your way.

 

[Deana86]

Yup. Doing the thing we know we have to do, can just be So. Damn. Hard.

Don't forget if needed, the amazing healing and strengthening power in things like a therapy or counselling relationship, or self-help resources or self-development journeys... At those times when we can't seem to find the new moment of extra strength that we need in a new or unexpected situation, which happens to all of us at times, there is always more and deeper strength to be found with a new tool or idea we can get our hands on, or from the truly unconditional, supportive, reliable relationship to be found in a good therapist. Groups such as this one and the online friendships you mentioned having Deana are wonderful too.

It is excellent how you have sought out support for yourself here Deana. I know in your own time you will find your way and at your own pace when you are ready you will grieve whatever you need to grieve and you will find new, beautiful things in your life. Each experience helps us learn anyway what to look for vs what might be signs that a path could turn out to be not what we need. It's not an easy or simple path for anyone, and it's absolutely OK to seek out guidance at those disheartening times when we wonder if we could speed up our journey to get where we would like it to be. I have found the work of authors like Barbara de Angelis and Dr Phil McGraw fantastic for this kind of guidance and new insights, at times when I wanted to move more easily toward what I want but did not have access to the more individual guidance of a therapist.

Blessings to you Deana, you have reservoirs of strength within you and I have no doubt that you will find your way.

Thank you, this group is fantastic, so many lovely people and it makes you realise your not alone not matter what your going through, there is otherwise out there having harder times as well.

I will look into those authors you mentioned. Every little bit of help and guidance is better. My friend who is a blogger about getting to know your feminine side added a 5 day course from another lady which is called heal the wounds from the past. I do need to throw away the the garbage from my past in order to start a fresh relationship. I'm looking forward to it and hopefully it helps.

 

[Clancey]

Jo, you are so right. I would only add that in the initial choice to move forward, disregard attempts from the men contacting you, so you don't get sucked back in. Make sure that you eat, get plenty of rest, try to avoid alcohol. Hold a pillow and watch old movies.

During my life journey, I found that I was attracting the same type of women, or personality type, over and over. I started reading about myself and my characteristics and I found out that I was co-dependent. So I started reading about how to correct that. It made all the difference in the world regarding the women I would meet. Essentially you have to bite the bullet and start moving in a direction that benefits you and lifts you up. If by chance you are lucky enough to meet that special person, you will be ready to make something extraordinary happen.

I kind of jumped in the middle of the thread, I apologise if I interrupted.

 

[MHealthJo]

No problem Clancey, it can be thought-provoking to read perspectives and experiences of a variety of people from various paths in life and see what we can find in different people's life journeys. So hearing people's stories and experiences can be really good. It can get our mind ticking and exploring, and could play a part in leading us to discovering something new and finding useful new pathways.

 

[Clancey]

Thank you Jo. Seeing as how both you and Deana appear to be from Australia I watch for your expressions. I have a friend over there that is an animal doctor and one day he used the expression, "Spat the dummy." It took me two days to figure that one out. lol