More threads by bananasplit

I'm bananasplit, not sure what is wrong with me psychologically, I know i suffer with depression which has been the reason for giving up work and university, I also supposedly suffer from paranoia but I feel once I tell certain people this, they decide it's entertaining for them to play on it. I'm at a stage now where I almost don't care. It's not a nice feeling in case you may think otherwise. I have experienced a lot of paranormal phenomena which I KNOW most doctors will try to explain away medically or psychologically, but since these strange occurances started happening before I had any serious issues, I beg to differ on their diagnosis, I understand why they would say I was mad, I would have agreed a long time ago if someone had told me some of what I had experienced to be true.
I have been a member of many forums but have found the bitchiness too much to bare. I don't believe anyone whose intentions are to work hard, be trustworthy and reliable, not stab anyone in the back, should be subjected to bitchiness, especially when their trouble is not limited to the workplace. I would love it if I could find a job where I actually enjoy doing extra hours, forgetting my problems, I had a 2 jobs like this in the past but in recent years it's like I'm on a different planet, people can be so nasty and I find myself being nasty in return which I don't feel good about, so it's been my decision to give up looking for work. the 2 jobs I had which were good were reccommended by friends who worked there, i didn't even have to look, so my attitude now is the right job will come to me as when i look, I find hell.
I realise (though it seems many others don't)that i am suffering finanically and materially by not working but psychologically I suffer worse in the recent jobs I've had. I'd rather go to sleep sane than go to sleep rich or with money in my pocket.
If you've picked up on my agressive tone, you're not imagining it, i'm angry that i can't work without suffering psychologically, i feel life is ticking by, my youth was cried away, my day now consists of listening to sad reminicent music during crying fits. I feel no cares or can help, not even those who you assume love you. I see a lot of posts here about those who are at the recieving end of people with depression and how awful it is for them, well just be thankful you are not the ones pushing people away, because it doesn't matter who i push away, at the end of the day, i can't push away these thoughts and feeling away, oh unless you consider suicide an option which you may do.

anyway i hold no expectations that i will stay here, if i am not banned, i wouldn't be surprised if someone here tries to prey on my paranoia diagnosis so that i leave, walking away from a fight i was taught was always better than punching someone in the stomach, it seems though that not everyone believes that so as much as i hope this isn't a brief stay, i won't get my hopes up that i will find peace and understanding here, if people who call themselves spiritualists have no understanding then imo i can't expect anyone else to.

after that rant, i wont hold my breath for the welcomes.
Re: hello, this is a rant, stick em up

well, that definitely was a rant, but rants are fine, sometimes we just need to blow off some steam to feel a little better. :welcome: to psychlinks!
i am sorry you are having a hard time, you do sound angry and upset, that people treat you unfairly, and you've had enough of that. i really cannot comment much on that, the only thing i can tell you is that this forum is a very supportive place and certainly no abuse towards anyone is tolerated here.

just curious, are you going to therapy at the moment to deal with your issues? (feel free not to answer if you do not wish to, only share what you are comfortable with.)


Re: hello, this is a rant, stick em up

Hi Bananasplit and I know that you are not holding your breath for welcomes but here is one anyway, :welcome: to Psychlinks :)

I know you said that you hold no expectations of staying here but I do hope that you change your mind and realize that we have not intention of preying upon you but are only here to support, listen and help you anyway we can.

I really hope to see you around :wave:
Re: hello, this is a rant, stick em up

Hi Ladybug, hi Nancy thankyou for your kind welcomes.

Sorry for the rant, i hope i didn't offend anyone. i did just read my post back to myself and realised just how sorry for my self i sound.
I don't go to a therapist because a)i can't afford to go private and b) as much as i appreciate the UK has such thing as an NHS (we take it for grantid but the NHS as a concept is very spiritual imho), on a personal level, seeing a psychologist didn't help me.

Love, light and blessings



Re: hello, this is a rant, stick em up


You don't have to be sorry for the rant, we all need to let out our feelings and blow off a little steam and I can say that for me personally you didn't offend me with anything you said. The main thing about all posts here at Psychlinks is that you follow the Forum Rules and if you do that you will be fine and should have no problems.

Again, hope to see you around :wave:


Well, I'm glad you didn't hold your breath because I'm a little late with this, but :welcome: , banansplit! We're glad to have you here, and we hope we can be of help to you. You sound like you're pretty down on the world, and on yourself, but you certainly haven't offended me. I've felt a lot like you describe feeling, on occasion. I think you'll find others here who can empathise, as well. :hug:
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