Help!

[Ashley-Kate]

i lost it yet again what a surprise that is my life for the past couple of years getting better than falling even lower over and over again. My psychologist is aware of what is going on and the only thing he told me he can do is make sure i don't put my health at risk and once my health is and if it does get at risk than he can intervene but he can't force me to eat and i understand that but i feel so powerless i wake up and do my rootine do the exercise the burning the restricting and then at the end of the day i promiss myself tomorrow will be okay tomorrow i will get back on track and yet i don't i donT' know what to do but i know i am losing it!

 

[Into The Light]

Re: help!

what have you done in the past to get yourself back on track?

 

[Jazzey]

Re: help!

Hi Ash,

What do you normally do when everything is on the right track? As ITL has said - think back to when it's worked for you - what have you done?

Instinctively, I think that in those times you've forced yourself to stick to an eating schedule, that you've reduced (if not eliminated all together) the exercise...But I don't know what you've done in your recovery so far - you need to focus on that - what have you done when you were doing so well?

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Re: help!

in the past i would get hospitalised by force. because i was a minor and since i turned 18 well i have had hard times but i had the threat of the hopsital and well since i moved it has still been present but i found out recently that there is not much forcing me that they can do so i feel like this new found freedom is screwing me up even more.. testing their limits and my own yet not knowing what they are.. all my shrink thought of doing this week was mentionning my physical appearance having changed, and it is hard for me to be like ok he noticed i am different, my reaction to that is yet to feel once again proud and i am confused i feel good yet i feel bad... i don't want to end up back at the hopital but i can't stop myself if i don't continue i feel bad and growse and disgusted with myself

 

[Jazzey]

When you came out of the hospital the last time, weren't you in recovery? Are you still living with your brother?

While they can't force you to get hospitalized Ash, I think if you think that you need it, you can request it...Please, remember that you're in recovery here - you have to move forward.

I'll suggest something to you in terms of thinking - when you're thinking that you're proud that someone's noticed your physical changes, can you turn it around and appreciate this isn't good for you - that you're harming your health.

Whatever rituals you have (and I'm guessing you have some) - get rid of them. If it's limiting the portions, up the portions amount. If it's weighing yourself - go 1 day without it...and increase the days from there...

Is your psychologist giving you any advice on how to get away from the rituals? Are you putting his/her advice into practice? You really need to try Ash - it's important.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

i know i need to do all of this stuff but i just feel tired of it the only guilt i really feel is sort of discouraging everyone around me and not being the good girl that is working hard enough.i know i could request the hospital but i don'T want it not anymore i can't go there anymore. i will go if i am really in need and they decide for me but i can't go back in there i don't feel that it helps me much it only forces me to recover and then throuws me back into the real world were i relapse.

 

[Jazzey]

Hang in there Ash - you were doing so well for yourself...Remember that getting better really is in your hands: you want to have to get better. Whatever "feel good" feeling you have when you don't eat - it's temporary because it'll wreak havoc with your body...It's really important that you turn this around as soon as you can.

Lean on your psychologist, be honest about where you are in your thinking. And more importantly, really try hard to do as he/she says...You can always lean on us here, but you really need the support of you psychologist right now Ash. And you have to believe in your own ability to change this around for yourself...

Adding one more thing: giving in to the anorexia (and its rituals) takes a lot more effort and energy than sticking to the schedule that your psychologist is asking you to follow Ash...

 

[Ashley-Kate]

thanks for the help jazzey i am going to try and be completly honnest with my psychologist the next time i see him next week.

 

[Jazzey]

...We're all here for you when you need the support Ash. And I hope that you will tell your psychologist! I'm giving you a couple of :hug: :hug: in the meantime...Feel free to lean on us.