I recently have split from my partner of two years.I shall give you the run down.
When i first met her she practiced spiritualism and shamanism,i didn`t,but i didn`t see this as a problem,for me it was interesting to be with someone very different,but i wasn`t interested in walking the path,i didn`t want to live and breathe it.
My partner was in a group who had ceremonies and circles etc etc,i went to some for my partners sake,this is where i met her very close friend who took an instant dislike to me,she knew i wasn`t going to become one of them and i took a dislike to her because i saw her for what she was,or what i percieved her to be,my gut instinct was telling me she was a charlatan who used vulnerable people to inflate her own ego with adoration.
So my partners best friend told her to get rid of me,my partner has a personality disorder and was completely torn by this,she loved me,so she let me go,but then saw me again and had to tell her friend.My partners friend then turned her back on her and cast her out,so i tried to help pick up the pieces,my partner and i were getting along good after her initial grieving for the loss of her friend and the lifestyle she led,she became pregnant and we had a beautiful baby boy,ten weeks after the baby was born her friend appeared after a year and wanted to be friends again.
I bit my tongue and hoped my partner had learned,but she hadn`t,she seemed to light up and was filled with new energy and was very happy at the return of her friend,she was back on the phone talking for hours to her,i was not happy.I was never against my partners beliefs,i even encouraged her to find more healthy groups that were more mainstream,she had other friends that came out of the woodwork when she split from her best friend that told her they stayed away because of that woman who they also didn`t like,but all these things were like a poor imitation for my partner,they couldn`t replace her best friend and the ceremonies they held.
So after ten weeks of the baby being born,my partner called me to tell me that she was stopping her medication for her personality disorder and going off to participate in a san pedro ceremony with her best friend,that it would heal her of her depression,san pedro for those that don`t know is a hallucinogenic cacti that contains mescaline.At this point i had to say NO,i tried to reason with her not to take the drug,to walk away from her friend,that she had a family now and responsibilities,i was told that i was trying to control her and tell her what to do,i contacted her father and doctor to try and get them to make her see sense,i was doing all this out of love.
We seperated because of this,because she wanted to live her own life and that i couldn`t fit into it.I have my son most weekends now,but i still love my partner and she says she still has feelings for me,but we know we cannot be together because really we are incompatible,i`ve had to delete her from my msn and facebook as we both check on each other all the time,she posts songs that are definitely directed at me and it upsets me.I didn`t want to sever the ties but i feel it the only way to go on,it is hard enough to see her when i collect my boy,this weekend i gave her a cuddle and so much wanted to kiss her.
How do i deal with all this? I`ve lost my partner and my son,i`ve lost my chance to be a family man and am living back home with my parents,i give money to my ex for my son,but seriously how do i let go?
Please any help would be greatly appreciated.
When i first met her she practiced spiritualism and shamanism,i didn`t,but i didn`t see this as a problem,for me it was interesting to be with someone very different,but i wasn`t interested in walking the path,i didn`t want to live and breathe it.
My partner was in a group who had ceremonies and circles etc etc,i went to some for my partners sake,this is where i met her very close friend who took an instant dislike to me,she knew i wasn`t going to become one of them and i took a dislike to her because i saw her for what she was,or what i percieved her to be,my gut instinct was telling me she was a charlatan who used vulnerable people to inflate her own ego with adoration.
So my partners best friend told her to get rid of me,my partner has a personality disorder and was completely torn by this,she loved me,so she let me go,but then saw me again and had to tell her friend.My partners friend then turned her back on her and cast her out,so i tried to help pick up the pieces,my partner and i were getting along good after her initial grieving for the loss of her friend and the lifestyle she led,she became pregnant and we had a beautiful baby boy,ten weeks after the baby was born her friend appeared after a year and wanted to be friends again.
I bit my tongue and hoped my partner had learned,but she hadn`t,she seemed to light up and was filled with new energy and was very happy at the return of her friend,she was back on the phone talking for hours to her,i was not happy.I was never against my partners beliefs,i even encouraged her to find more healthy groups that were more mainstream,she had other friends that came out of the woodwork when she split from her best friend that told her they stayed away because of that woman who they also didn`t like,but all these things were like a poor imitation for my partner,they couldn`t replace her best friend and the ceremonies they held.
So after ten weeks of the baby being born,my partner called me to tell me that she was stopping her medication for her personality disorder and going off to participate in a san pedro ceremony with her best friend,that it would heal her of her depression,san pedro for those that don`t know is a hallucinogenic cacti that contains mescaline.At this point i had to say NO,i tried to reason with her not to take the drug,to walk away from her friend,that she had a family now and responsibilities,i was told that i was trying to control her and tell her what to do,i contacted her father and doctor to try and get them to make her see sense,i was doing all this out of love.
We seperated because of this,because she wanted to live her own life and that i couldn`t fit into it.I have my son most weekends now,but i still love my partner and she says she still has feelings for me,but we know we cannot be together because really we are incompatible,i`ve had to delete her from my msn and facebook as we both check on each other all the time,she posts songs that are definitely directed at me and it upsets me.I didn`t want to sever the ties but i feel it the only way to go on,it is hard enough to see her when i collect my boy,this weekend i gave her a cuddle and so much wanted to kiss her.
How do i deal with all this? I`ve lost my partner and my son,i`ve lost my chance to be a family man and am living back home with my parents,i give money to my ex for my son,but seriously how do i let go?
Please any help would be greatly appreciated.
