I can't stand this

[Lonewolf]

I know I don't have any options in it, but I can't stand being in this body!! feels disgusting! I don't have an identity! I don't want to be a female! I guess I don't want to be male either! I don't even think its possible not to be one or the other!! This body makes me feel so vulnerable! I feel as if ive got 'female body, open to abuse' written on my forehead! Not only was I abused as a child, but I was (It's very painful to use the word) r***d in recent times! And I haven't taken these to the police because I know what you are put through once it has been reported although I have had the appropriate tests and checks by a clinic which have been very intrusive and adds to the feeling of not wanting this body!!

You have probably read some of the recent threads in some of the other forums and this is an explaination as to why I feel like I do! Please be gentle in any response to this cos I am feeling quite fragile and embarrassed about this!

 

[Jesse910]

Re: I can't stand this!!!

Dear Reaper:

Initially, I hear your discomfort and pain very clearly. I am not a therapist or medical doctor. From the tone of your letter, you have wanted to make some changes for quite some time. I am sorry that you have had to endure invasive medical treatment. I am not comfortable with those either. It's frightening at best. I would strongly encourage you to seek either your own physician or a therapist who can better guide you in the steps to determine what is best for you. Having an impartial person walking with you through your ordeal is empowering and safe. You may need to search around a bit until you find the right fit within a therapist/ physician for you. Once your mind is clear, you will know what to do. You may also want to check out a support group for individuals who have been sexually assaulted. If change is to come, you must be willing to do two things: make a move and learn to trust someone of your choosing.

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: I can't stand this!!!

I am seeing my GP on Friday and I do get on with her ok!! Thankyou for your help!! I don't know that I could talk about this in a group setting, it makes me even more vulnerable!! maybe later on!!!

 

[Jesse910]

Re: I can't stand this!!!

Reeper:

See your GP is important. If the emotional pain becomes too much for you, just go to her office and sit in the office. Let the receptionist know who you are and wait for the doctor. Sometimes, doctors have empty spots in their schedules for such emergencies. If you feel like you cannot wait, go to your nearest emergency room. It is better to be in the hands of strangers who can support you than to be alone. And, my suggestion to talk in a support group was just that. I've only been in a support group for about 30 minutes years ago and walked out. I feel safer with a therapist one-on-one.

And, as previously mentioned to you by Steve, there are suicide hotlines all over the world. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE. There are solutions. And, when it seems that there aren't any, you hang on and do what you have to do (legally) to stay afloat. If that means watching old movies, eating a box of cookies, etc., do it. Also, sometimes just getting up and doing chores around your home and having a sense of accomplishment can help you feel good in the moment.

This is an excellent site for people who struggle not only with mental health issues, but also with life issues. This website has kept me going for quite some time.

Take care and keep us posted.

 

[GDPR]

This body makes me feel so vulnerable! I feel as if ive got 'female body, open to abuse' written on my forehead!

I have thought and said the same thing myself many times.

Sorry for what you have been through and for the way it makes you feel.

I wish I had more to say,but I really don't know what to say.Reading what you wrote hit so close to home I just wanted you to know that I get it,I understand.

 

[Lonewolf]

Thanks for being there guys! Im feeling a bit shakie physically and mentally!! Is there anyone out there can just chat with me for a little while please? I don't really want to be alone!! Talk about anything at all!! I don't mind!! Don't mean to be a pain!!! Im sorry to ask!!

 

[Cat Dancer]

I'm here. I am enjoying our nice weather. It's not too hot and not too cold, but just right. It's cloudy so not too bright, but not raining either. My cats are playing with each other.

 

[Lonewolf]

Its been very wet here, but I love the fresh autumn air!!

 

[Cat Dancer]

The autumn air is very refreshing after the muggy summer. What kinds of things do you like to do? I like reading when I can focus on it and I probably watch too much tv. I also like photography and I have some dollhouses that I work on. LOL. Too old for it, but it's fun.

 

[Lonewolf]

I like to watch horror films cos that's someone elses nightmare and I find them very intriguing! I also like to meet up and have a coffee with friends sometimes! We have our favourite coffee shops, but we like to try out other ones to compare them!! Sad, but true!! Ha! Ha!

 

[Cat Dancer]

Trying out different coffee shops sounds like fun. I like coffee, but I don't drink it every day. I love hot chocolate and am glad for cooler weather so the hot chocolate will warm me up.

 

[Lonewolf]

I love caf? latte, I think I drink too much of it really!!! I seem to drink more of it in the warm weather!!! WEIRD!!! In some of the cafe's, I don't even have to say what i'd like, they already know as soon as I walk in!!!

 

[Cat Dancer]

That sounds good. I have had white chocolate mocha at starbucks a couple of times and liked it. I should try some different kinds.

 

[Jesse910]

Reeper:

How's it going for you? I think most of us understand what it means to feel shakie physically and mentally.

 

[Lonewolf]

I tried a iced latte in 'starbucks' once and it was just like someone had made a coffee but not boiled the kettle!! yuck!!!

---------- Post Merged at 02:03 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 02:01 PM ----------

I'm trying so hard not to be alone!! I don't want to be trapped inside my head!!

 

[MHealthJo]

I have an awful confession for you: I'm half Italian, but I don't like the taste of real percolated or brewed coffee..... I only like instant coffee!!

I also don't think it is sad at all to spend lots of time in coffee shops or comparing them... I think that's a great thing to do!

I found a great new place the other day, very reasonably priced and amazing food quality and servings.... the main reason I end up at my other one though, is they keep serving food the latest and, well, I'm a very "late" person....

Lots of great magazines there too, actually.

 

[Lonewolf]

that's cool! they've just opened a tea shop here!!! just what we needed!! another caf?!! must have at least 10 in the same part of this town!! I've not tried it because they serve hundreds of different flavoured teas and I don't drink a lot!! I have the odd PG moment!!!

 

[Jesse910]

Reeper, I actually love tea and wouldn't mind having a large variety to select from. My husband's version of coffee at times is way too strong for my palate.

You are going to be alright. When stuff surfaces, remember that it cannot hurt you. And, if it tries, you continue to reach out. One moment at a time.

 

[MHealthJo]

Haha, I have seen PG Tips in the shops here, in the section of English favourite foods that all the local Englishmen can't do without. (There are tons of baby boomer English near me - there was a big immigration opportunity in around the 60s I think.) Id love to try PG Tips sometime as I'm a huge tea fan, but I haven't brought myself to pay the extra cost yet.

Now I am wondering what the PG stands for...? Might google one day...

I know, it's weird how you get a glut of a certain kind of place? There were about five ice cream places on one street here at one time.... In some places it's frozen yogurt at the moment.... And I remember hearing about the era of zillions of Starbucks popping up. in some places.... (Starbucks hasn't made it to my city yet.)

 

[Lonewolf]

Thankyou guys!! I appreciate your support!!