I caved into it

[Lonewolf]

Was told by the support worker that therapy was going to be a long way off because of the length of the list im on! I haven't rung the for support because I know that they must be terribly busy and don't need me bugging them! I didn't know when I opened up a bit to answer the initial questions about my issues, that it would take so long! Having answered the questions and bringing up very vivid memories and painful feelings that I am struggling to cope with by myself! I feel like my heart has been torn out!!

I have been fighting very strong s/h urges and have managed to not react to them for a little while, but I couldn't fight them off any longer and last night.... it happened! Some how, I do feel a little bit better, but im annoyed with myself too!! I needed to feel the physical pain to give me a break from the emotional hurt!!

I wish I knew before I opened a can of worms, how long after the first conversation, I was likely to wait because I would never have opened myself up for all of the crap im being overwhelmed with now! my mind is racing and my heart is pounding !! Im scared! mg:

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: I caved into it!!

We all mess up with stuff like this. Is there any support system you can call for help with this? Just because they might be busy doesn't mean they can't help you when you need help. I'm sorry you're going through this. Try to take some deep breaths and let some of that stress out.

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: I caved into it!!

thanks lol! there is a support worker I talk to during the day time, sometimes, but she is all I have now!! Im frightened to talk to her incase she leaves me dangling too!!

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: I caved into it!!

You can talk to Good Samaritans on line they always get back to me quickly and are helpful and there are other sites that will talk to you to like Befrienders
You can always talk here too i am sorry they are making you wait so long hun for some therapy don't be too hard on yourself ok for the self harm sometimes it happens when like said you are in a lot of pain hugs

 

[MHealthJo]

Re: I caved into it!!

I think it is impressive Reeper just that you do fight the urges; well done! It may be hard to see in the short term, but this reflects some level of changes in your view of yourself, as does your seeking out help. Excellent! These positive changes don't mean that your urges are gone and that the harm won't sometimes happen. But the movement is still something to be really proud of!

I am so sorry the system is so underfunded that somebody like you is stuck waiting!! Oh gosh that is so hard. Rely as fully as you can on the supports you do have in the meantime; do not feel like a burden; seek them out. Keep reading and read stories of hope and recovery from abusive families, rejecting families, PTSD, books aimed at sufferers.... Google Books can be good to search..... I am so sorry you do not yet have a direct therapist to work with you. Sometimes we can start to get bits of relief while we wait.... Just keep using our caring supports we have, and just keep using whatever things are directed at our situation.... one tool or book may not 'speak' to us but another one for some reason brings an idea that gives relief.......

We are here for you!! And as mentioned the other services also can be a good stopgap....

You keep hanging on honey as best you can, you are doing so well. xo! :butterfly: