sunset
Member
I had a strange night.. I was very bored at work (nothing new there) and am not happy in my job, yet I still procrastinate in getting another job.
When I got out of work, I went home and I had sooo much to do, I sort of just stood in my living room, feeling paralyzed.. I felt anger, depression, and wanting to get things done, wanting to be nice, wanting to just run away, and say leave me alone. I have a list of 17 things that I have to do so far, and that was off the top of my head.
I know I am stressed out because of my niece's wedding next friday. I dont know WHY I am stressed but I am.. Its obvious to me, and its aggravating me as well.
Its a happy time, but I feel like I have a ball and chain around me. Why cant I just go through the list happily?? Why am I like this?
My 2 nephews and 1 niece were over last night, and they are 5, 7, and 9, and as I was trying to get wallpaper down in my mothers kitchen, I had to make an EFFORT to not snap at them.They werent doing anything to annoy me, they were just there.
Then I am thinking what the heck is wrong with me? I am not like this with kids, especially my nieces and nephews.. After a while, I told them I was really tired, and went down to my own place, and just sat there feeling bad about myself and how I act sometimes. I did manage to pick up the vases on hold at the store for my sister, but I didnt want to pick up chinese food for dinner for my mother. WHY NOT?? Ok, my my thought was she is home all day long, and now I have to worry about dinner?
I have to really watch how I am with my mother, because I have a short fuse with her. I know she is getting older and I need to understand that she is starting to lose it a bit and I need to be good to her. For the most part, I am good to her, but that one time that I am not, comes back to haunt me. I have enough guilt feelings without adding more to the pile..
So here I sit, with a list in front of me, and I am one here telling you all about it, instead of doing something about the list. Granted there are a lot of things I cant do here at work, but there are one or two I can do something about..
Argh! Just venting I guess. Dont blame you if you pass this post up.
I really have to get myself together and get through the next week and a half. I guess I feel I am being pulled in many directions, and am not liking it.
![Frown :( :(](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)
When I got out of work, I went home and I had sooo much to do, I sort of just stood in my living room, feeling paralyzed.. I felt anger, depression, and wanting to get things done, wanting to be nice, wanting to just run away, and say leave me alone. I have a list of 17 things that I have to do so far, and that was off the top of my head.
I know I am stressed out because of my niece's wedding next friday. I dont know WHY I am stressed but I am.. Its obvious to me, and its aggravating me as well.
Its a happy time, but I feel like I have a ball and chain around me. Why cant I just go through the list happily?? Why am I like this?
My 2 nephews and 1 niece were over last night, and they are 5, 7, and 9, and as I was trying to get wallpaper down in my mothers kitchen, I had to make an EFFORT to not snap at them.They werent doing anything to annoy me, they were just there.
Then I am thinking what the heck is wrong with me? I am not like this with kids, especially my nieces and nephews.. After a while, I told them I was really tired, and went down to my own place, and just sat there feeling bad about myself and how I act sometimes. I did manage to pick up the vases on hold at the store for my sister, but I didnt want to pick up chinese food for dinner for my mother. WHY NOT?? Ok, my my thought was she is home all day long, and now I have to worry about dinner?
I have to really watch how I am with my mother, because I have a short fuse with her. I know she is getting older and I need to understand that she is starting to lose it a bit and I need to be good to her. For the most part, I am good to her, but that one time that I am not, comes back to haunt me. I have enough guilt feelings without adding more to the pile..
So here I sit, with a list in front of me, and I am one here telling you all about it, instead of doing something about the list. Granted there are a lot of things I cant do here at work, but there are one or two I can do something about..
Argh! Just venting I guess. Dont blame you if you pass this post up.
I really have to get myself together and get through the next week and a half. I guess I feel I am being pulled in many directions, and am not liking it.