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Mia713

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I think I might have BPD. What should I do? I know I should seek help, but I'm afraid to.
 

David Baxter

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Well, to begin with, it's not usually a good idea to self-diagnose. What makes you think you might have BPD, Mia? What symptoms or behaviors are you seeing that makes you worry about BPD?
 

Mia713

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Well I have mood swings all the time. It's not like something big even triggers them, they just happen randomly over the stupidest little things. I am also very impulsive about a lot of different things that I don't feel comfortable talking about. I am a SI, with 4 attempted suicides. I have very very low self esteem and a poor body image. I feel empty and dead on the inside. I also am always worrying about my boyfriend abandoning me. I know he loves me but I still can't help thinking he'll find out what a bad person I am and will eventually leave me. Because of this fear I am very clingy to him, but at the same time when I have a mood swing I can be very mean to him and say the most horrible things. I have told him I hated him and I want to leave him and that he isn't a good boyfriend, and then maybe somewhere between 30 minutes to 2 hours I tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me. It doesn't make sense to me how I can treat someone whom I care about so much, so badly.
 

David Baxter

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Okay. That certainly sounds like you might meet the criteria for BPD, although it isn't the only possibility.

Are you on any medication to manage these symptoms, especially the mood swings and the SI?

Have you ever been in therapy or counselling in the past for this or similar issues?
 

Mia713

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I have been to a therapist about 4 years ago, not for SI, but for other issues I was having with being adopted. However about 2 months ago I finally got up the courage to go to a psychiatrist and talk about SI, he told me it sounded like I might have BPD, and that I had impulse and control issues. I didn't really care for him so I didn't go back. I am not on any medications and never have been. I go to college out in the middle of nowhere, and I don't even know if there are any psychiatrists remotely close to here, I also don't have money for one or medication.
 

David Baxter

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What about counseling and medical services at the university? Often universities, especially those with graduate programs, will have health care services for students which will include some at least limited counseling services.

What part of the world are you in?
 

Mia713

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Yes, my school offers counseling. Although I don't know if they are qualified, or just like random people acting as counselors. I would want to make sure I am getting professional help from someone with a degree who actually knows what they are talking about.

My school is in Emmitsburg Maryland.
 

David Baxter

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If you don't know people who live in the area, start by asking at the university health centre for a referral or suggestions.
 

Mia713

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I went to my school's counseling services today. The counsler was very nice and she thinks medication might help stabalize my mood swings and the depressive symptoms. I have to meet with a doctor tomorrow, so although it was scary to finally make the first step to getting better, I'm glad I did. I just want to be happy.
 

ThatLady

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Good for you, Mia. It always takes courage to take that first big step, and it always leaves one with a bit of trepidation over what will happen. However, it's the best way to get where you want to go. Good luck to you! :)
 

Mia713

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I am, it really took a lot to make me do it. My boyfriend helped push me along as well. Thanks David. :)
 

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