Cat Dancer
MVP
I am too needy and I want too much. I need to keep things inside and just go on with my life. I think that would be way less painful than depending on someone to help me.
- Thread starter Cat Dancer
- Start date
Do you feel you have been let down by them?
Cat Dancer
MVP
No. Not really.
What is the pain hun? What is the pain in putting trust/hope in the therapy process?
Tell us how it is painful for you?
(as opposed to the circumstance of not doing it....)
Tell us how it is painful for you?
(as opposed to the circumstance of not doing it....)
Cat Dancer
MVP
It's painful because I'm too slow and resistant to it and I want to give up. I don't think I've changed at all since I've started and I've just wasted his time. And my time and I really don't know anymore what my goals are.
Hun it's definitely not a waste of his time, he gets paid well for what he does and this is his chosen profession.
Where do you think you would be if you had not gone into this process?
Where do you think you would be if you had not gone into this process?
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
You joined this forum in October 2004.
I'm not sure you remember how you were back then. I remember that you wanted to be a moderator for a long time and I kept saying no because you were too fragile and too unstable.
Well, whether you remember or not, whether you can see progress or not, others can. And you're a moderator now. You wouldn't be here in that position if you hadn't changed at all: I'm very protective of this forum and its members, as you know.
Sometimes it's difficult to see progress day to day or week to week. Sometimes, progress is measured in months or years. And sometimes along the way there are setbacks, slip-ups, or new crises or issues.
And you don't measure progress by comparing yourself to others, or by looking at how far you still have to go. You measure progress by how far you've come.
That's not failure. That's just the way therapy is.
forgetmenot
MVP
Hi CD i can tell you hun you have help so many so somewhere along the line you learned to not only cope but to reach out and help others cope too hun
Many days i think god nothing will change like you just don't see how far we have come hun. The pain the sadness it still there but you are coping you are getting through one day at a time that is all one can do. Your therapist will never see working with you as a waste of time never but as an opportunity to help you heal more.
Many days i think god nothing will change like you just don't see how far we have come hun. The pain the sadness it still there but you are coping you are getting through one day at a time that is all one can do. Your therapist will never see working with you as a waste of time never but as an opportunity to help you heal more.
Hi CD - I feel the same way you do. However quitting therapy just replaces one form of pain (which you described perfectly above) with another (that of isolation and hopelessness). It doesn't improve things, just creates a substitute, one which is arguably even more painful. At least in therapy you have a professional's assistance in working towards chipping away at the source that causes the pain (in any form) to exist in the first place.
Please know that I speak from repeated experience - quitting therapy only leads to a different kind of suffering, not any kind of reduction in it.
Please know that I speak from repeated experience - quitting therapy only leads to a different kind of suffering, not any kind of reduction in it.
Cat Dancer
MVP
I'm scared, very scared, I've come to the end of what I'm able to do/heal. It feels like there are things so deeply imbedded in me that I can never, ever stop doing them. And what is the point of continuing to waste everyone's time when I have this attitude? But what if it's true?
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Just more OCD catastrophic worrying, CD. You haven't come to the end of anything.
forgetmenot
MVP
You have not come to the end hun You will continue to reach out to get support you deserve to continue to heal. No one will give up on you so you don't give up ok hugs
Hun, from this and other posts you have made, it really sounds like you are in one of the pre-recovery or 'recovery preparation' ED phases.
You do see the ED for what it is, and you are slowly preparing yourself to let it go.
This is positive.
You seem to just be going through natural fear phases as you gradually think/prepare for letting it go.
Its difficult and muddied by the OCD, and other factors. But you're gradually coming to more awareness of those, too.
In time, you'll let both the ED and the OCD-locus-of-control go.
Remember the stages of recovery, and just keep doing the little things you can do in them.
xoxo
---------- Post Merged at 05:00 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 12:29 PM ----------
Oh wow... I started googling about the stages of recovery and found this article...
Understanding Stages of Change in the Recovery Process
This is probably already a known site, but it's so amazing and full of positive articles and resources for ED, and had so many things you identify with, I thought I'd post it just in case.
It's full of proof that you have not failed or come to the end of anything - you're experiencing the road the way it is, during this phase.
Want you to feel proud that you are on that road. When it's really hard, even for the longest hard times, we'll keep helping you stay on it hun, even if to you it feels like you haven't moved or you have gone backwards (and going backwards part of the time is bound to happen to everyone, no matter who they are or what they are dealing with or what they are doing in life. That's how life is.)
Thinking of ya. xx
You do see the ED for what it is, and you are slowly preparing yourself to let it go.
This is positive.
You seem to just be going through natural fear phases as you gradually think/prepare for letting it go.
Its difficult and muddied by the OCD, and other factors. But you're gradually coming to more awareness of those, too.
In time, you'll let both the ED and the OCD-locus-of-control go.
Remember the stages of recovery, and just keep doing the little things you can do in them.
xoxo
---------- Post Merged at 05:00 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 12:29 PM ----------
Oh wow... I started googling about the stages of recovery and found this article...
Understanding Stages of Change in the Recovery Process
This is probably already a known site, but it's so amazing and full of positive articles and resources for ED, and had so many things you identify with, I thought I'd post it just in case.
It's full of proof that you have not failed or come to the end of anything - you're experiencing the road the way it is, during this phase.
Want you to feel proud that you are on that road. When it's really hard, even for the longest hard times, we'll keep helping you stay on it hun, even if to you it feels like you haven't moved or you have gone backwards (and going backwards part of the time is bound to happen to everyone, no matter who they are or what they are dealing with or what they are doing in life. That's how life is.)
Thinking of ya. xx
This one seems really good too and seems very relate-able.... almost word for word, so many things you've been saying and feeling.
It seems like looking at what is coming, in the next and later stage features, could be a bolster for keeping on surviving dreaded Stage Two-ish features. Blech. You've been so strong and brave surviving Stage Two features CD.
Showing up to your therapy is hard, good work that you have done and are doing. Every time.Remember that.
Optimal Eating: All About Eating Disorders, Nutrition and Healthy Eating
(And remember too CD that the fear/stress of the real difficult stage you are in swings the big depressive, extreme, OCD thoughts into very high gear right now. Use any resource you can to not buy these thoughts. These awful, sad thoughts about yourself, your performance, your value, and so many things are not true and not anything real. They are your brain responding to the challenge and stress of where you are at; and if anything they're sort of a sign of progress - a sign of this difficult stage.
Feeling for you hun.) xox
It seems like looking at what is coming, in the next and later stage features, could be a bolster for keeping on surviving dreaded Stage Two-ish features. Blech. You've been so strong and brave surviving Stage Two features CD.
Showing up to your therapy is hard, good work that you have done and are doing. Every time.Remember that.
Optimal Eating: All About Eating Disorders, Nutrition and Healthy Eating
(And remember too CD that the fear/stress of the real difficult stage you are in swings the big depressive, extreme, OCD thoughts into very high gear right now. Use any resource you can to not buy these thoughts. These awful, sad thoughts about yourself, your performance, your value, and so many things are not true and not anything real. They are your brain responding to the challenge and stress of where you are at; and if anything they're sort of a sign of progress - a sign of this difficult stage.
Feeling for you hun.) xox
Cat Dancer
MVP
I called my therapist today and told him of some panic attacks I've been having. He told me it's ok to take a klonopin and maybe try to take a walk to help with the anxiety. I told him a little bit of what I think is causing it. I didn't have therapy last week and I want to go this week. I know I can't quit now.
And thanks to EVERYONE who replied to me about this thread here and in pm. Thanks.
And thanks to EVERYONE who replied to me about this thread here and in pm. Thanks.
Awesome hun. Hang in there. And keep talking and reaching out. You're worth it and you're a trooper. xox
kelsischanging
Member
I get like this too...I need to be more secretive of my actions/thoughts...that doesn't help us...it may seem like a short term solution but it's not. Reach out. People love you! We love you!
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