above_the_game
Member
I need some professional opinions ASAP.
I have seen many Psychiatrists and psychologists over the years in an attempt to help modify my behavior through use of what started as common anti depresants like ssris and maois. THe only symptoms I believed i was exhibiting was a slight depression but now that I am thinkin back and after reading up on a much more serious problem i now think i'll include feelings which included withdrawing socially, avoiding contact with others. Motivation can be greatly decreased, as can interest in or enjoyment of life. In some severe cases, a person can spend entire days doing nothing at all. I believe these problems first surfaced around the time i was in 4th grade (10yrs old) Some evidence that was obvious was my withdrawl socially, and my lack of activity caused me to gain more weight, i feel that in turn mayhave contributed to my amount of depression in the years soon after.
Though my depression had always been a constant after the introductionof heavy poly-substance abuse including marijuana, methamphetamine, opiates, psychadelic drugs such as Mescaline, MDMA and almost every other phenethylamine, Psyilobin mushrooms, peyote cactus, and eventually LSD.I have used those drugs countless times , LSD ive used 5 times, mushrooms perhaps 30 times, I cant cound how many ecstasy pills i've taken. Smoking pot was an everyday thang for about 5 years i quit about a month ago. Maybe about a year ago i started experiencing some other symptoms. I'd liketo point out that this was very close to the time i was using alot of MDA and When i took LSD for those 5 tmies. Im guessing these new symptoms started around the time of my start of puberty.
Though iit has been speculated that the drugs i have been on could imitate these symptoms they were skeptical as to consider the symptoms to be the affects of any one disorder. I have other the years after first being diagosed with Depression, ADD, Then bipolar disorder which is the current diagnosis. Even though id say the diagnosis is close to my symptoms i have begun to worry, after doing some research that there may be a much larger problems at hand. I understand that Schizophrenia does run in my family, And even after all my extensive research of what I "supposedly " had I had never once glanced at the symptoms of Schizophrenia.
After doing some research of symptoms as well as EARLY warning signs i am very fearful teh conditioni am suffering from could very well be schizophrenia. The first reason was the emotional early warning signs but Just as i was reading this excerpt froma site regarding early warning signs of Schizophreniia which needless to say caught my attention.
Just as i was in my earlystages of development A neurologist had expressed concern of a neurological disorder because at the age of 3-6 months I was not walking. I at the ageof 9 monts was walking and talking so they had assumed nothing was wrong. After reading this It seemed to tie in a little too well with all the other symptoms. The excerpt read:
While schizophrenia generally begins as an acute psychotic episode in young adults, it appears to emerge more gradually in children. The appearance of the disorder is often preceded by developmental disturbances, such as lags in motor and speech/language development. These developmental problems can often be associated with more distinct brain abnormalities.
Found @: http://www.loni.ucla.edu/Research/Projects/COS.shtml
The other symptoms i was sayin i have begun to experience , and i might add over the course of the past year i belive the symptoms have become MUCH worse.
im going to be posting some quotes from numerous web sources , i thikn this will be the best way to include all of what i wanted to include:
--Less obvious symptoms, such as social isolation or withdrawal, or unusual speech, thinking, or behavior, may precede, be seen along with, or follow the psychotic symptoms. In part because of the unusual realities they experience, people with schizophrenia may behave very differently
at various times. Sometimes they may seem distant, detached, or preoccupied and may even sit as rigidly as a stone, not moving for hours or uttering a sound. Other times they may move about constantly – always occupied, appearing wide-awake, vigilant, and alert
I had first assumed that I didnt have thsi disease because of what i thought to be the absence of any type of psychotic behavior. I figured I knew what was real and wht wasnt and even now i believe I have a very good grasp on reality, Unlike some more unfortunate people who suffer from schizophrenia have experienced.
--Hallucinations and illusions are disturbances of perception that are common in people suffering from schizophrenia. Hallucinations are perceptions that occur without connection to an appropriate source. Although hallucinations can occur in any sensory form – auditory (sound), visual (sight), tactile (touch), gustatory (taste), and olfactory (smell) – hearing voices that other people do not hear is the most common type of
hallucination in schizophrenia. Voices may describe the patient’s activities, carry on a conversation, WARN of impending dangers, or even issue orders to the individual. Illusions, on the other hand, occur when a sensory stimulus is present but is INCORRECTLY INTERPRETED BY THE INDIVIDUAL
There are two parts of this I have become fearful of. Often times ihave misinterpreted stimulus incorrectly which has lead to feelings of extreme paranoia, and alot of anxiety.
--Delusions may take on different themes. For example, patients suffering from paranoid-type symptoms – roughly one-third of people with schizophrenia – often have delusions of persecution, or false and irrational beliefs that they are being cheated, harassed, poisoned, or
conspired against
I can remember evreytimethsi has occured over the past year, I as it is often said probabyl couldnt tell the difference between reality and what i was thinking i heard or saw if i was delusional. Now onto what I mean, I have in the past year been hanging out with people i have known fora long tme, I understand some people say you really never know aperson, but you usually get a good idea what a person willdo and how they will act. On each of these dates i was with a person That i felt was a true friend. THese are peoplle that on no other date had said anything remotely negative towards me. I believe the taking of A very high dose of MDA/Caffeine pills mayhave just been the trigger of my first psychotic episode. I dont think it lasted long, dont get me wrnog i had PLENTY of visual hallucinations and disturbances, but that was regular for these pills , people swore it was lsd, and MDA has much more hallucinogenic properties than MDMA.
At any rate we were walking down the street and I was thinking somthing negative about them thinkingthey didnt want me there and that they were having negative thoughts of me. I was walking a short distance behind them and I felt somewhat isolated. Then in a tone the two never usually use, a much more stern serious tone, almost a lower note but at the time thinking what i might call logically i thought the 2 voices i heard were them. Im not sure of all I heard but i do remember parts which Included, Whatever i dont wnt to wlk with this fool lets walk faster, And yeah fuck that fool or something along those lines. I stopped waliking down the street and my friends proceeded as if nothing had happened, and i almost had aweird feelng of it at the time , but I dont know if it really happnned.
My friend asked me whats up and why arent you coming down and i said wtf man you dontthink i have ears? and he said i dont know what the hell you r talking about, and your nuts. I had thought they said it for a long time because the Last thing i'd like to believe is that im hallucinating ANYTHING or have a loss of my grip on reality. But the more i think of it and especially now, it was so unlike them , they would nver "Usually" say such a thing. And i wonder now if the trigger of the psychosis was the feelings I was having.
Usually when someone says something and you call them out on it , they are likely to say thats what they said, A similaroccurence occured at a party where i was getting drunk. I thought someone said something across the crowd.... I would dare to say i thought i saw him say it I was quite mad and i said whats wrong with you ? do you care to step outside and handle this? People were coming up to me saying im fucking crazy and what are yougetting mad at him before, What i had heard woul have been much louder than what would be necessary for Everybody inteh house to hear.
I had like I said dismissed this before as just nothing, and of course the last thing is was was a hallucination. Then just today i was at my friend Joes and we happened to be hanging out with his mother , older sister, younger sister, younger brother, and his grandma and me and my two friends wre there.
I often feel some kind of tension in any conversationwhihch often times makes me feel like not talking at all. Ifeel this in varying degrees and todyay it was only a minor feelng, it stll brang about symptoms, butseemingly no more than usual, as i have much much more problems with new people and strangers, which i also heard tobe a symptom. Then justas i had before when I was feeling these feelngs I heard my friend Raymond who i've knownfor over a year, In front of Joes entire family, said in a clear somewhat loud voice You know we dont want your kind around here so skedattle when i looked at him he wasnt speaking anymore and he looked at me soon after.
What perplexed me themost was that the family didnt seem to even notice. I asked him what did you say andh e said he hadnt said anything. and Joes'momsaid he hadnt either. I mightbe crazy but i dont think they were lying, Wellshit that would make me crazy either way right? LOL.
AT ANY RATE WITH WHAT SEEMS TO BE ALL THE SYMPTOMS SCHIZOPHRENIA INCLUDING WHAT I AM CONCERNED TO BE MULTIPLE PSYCHOTIC EPISODES INCLUDING AUDIOTORY HALLUCINATIONS (VOICES OF PEOPLE AROUND ME) FEELNGS OF BEING CONSPIRED AGAINST, EXTTREEME PARANOIA/ANXIETY ESPECIALLY IN THE FACE OF SOCIAL SITUATIONS, AVOIDING THEM ENTIRELY REALLY, MY LEVEL OF DEPRESSION AND OTHER "NEGATIVE" PROBLMS ASSOSCIATED WITH TEH DISEASE.AS THESE PROBLEMS HEV CONTINUTED TO WORSEN AND GROW MORE PREVALENT IM VERY AFRAID OF THE PROGRESSION OF OTHER PSYCHOTIC/DELUSIONAL BEHAVIOR. I NEED SOME OPINIONS AND IM HOPING SOMEPEOPLE WHOREALLY KNOWWHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT COULD HELP GIVE ME SOME ANSWERS. FIRST OF ALL IF YOU ACTUALLY READ MY ENTIRE POST THANKS FOR GIVING A FUCK. MY FATHER IS A PSYCHIATRIST AND I AM VERY AFRAID TO PURPOSE THIS AS THE POSSIBLITY OF MY TRUE PROBLEM. PLEASE REPLY SOON
I have seen many Psychiatrists and psychologists over the years in an attempt to help modify my behavior through use of what started as common anti depresants like ssris and maois. THe only symptoms I believed i was exhibiting was a slight depression but now that I am thinkin back and after reading up on a much more serious problem i now think i'll include feelings which included withdrawing socially, avoiding contact with others. Motivation can be greatly decreased, as can interest in or enjoyment of life. In some severe cases, a person can spend entire days doing nothing at all. I believe these problems first surfaced around the time i was in 4th grade (10yrs old) Some evidence that was obvious was my withdrawl socially, and my lack of activity caused me to gain more weight, i feel that in turn mayhave contributed to my amount of depression in the years soon after.
Though my depression had always been a constant after the introductionof heavy poly-substance abuse including marijuana, methamphetamine, opiates, psychadelic drugs such as Mescaline, MDMA and almost every other phenethylamine, Psyilobin mushrooms, peyote cactus, and eventually LSD.I have used those drugs countless times , LSD ive used 5 times, mushrooms perhaps 30 times, I cant cound how many ecstasy pills i've taken. Smoking pot was an everyday thang for about 5 years i quit about a month ago. Maybe about a year ago i started experiencing some other symptoms. I'd liketo point out that this was very close to the time i was using alot of MDA and When i took LSD for those 5 tmies. Im guessing these new symptoms started around the time of my start of puberty.
Though iit has been speculated that the drugs i have been on could imitate these symptoms they were skeptical as to consider the symptoms to be the affects of any one disorder. I have other the years after first being diagosed with Depression, ADD, Then bipolar disorder which is the current diagnosis. Even though id say the diagnosis is close to my symptoms i have begun to worry, after doing some research that there may be a much larger problems at hand. I understand that Schizophrenia does run in my family, And even after all my extensive research of what I "supposedly " had I had never once glanced at the symptoms of Schizophrenia.
After doing some research of symptoms as well as EARLY warning signs i am very fearful teh conditioni am suffering from could very well be schizophrenia. The first reason was the emotional early warning signs but Just as i was reading this excerpt froma site regarding early warning signs of Schizophreniia which needless to say caught my attention.
Just as i was in my earlystages of development A neurologist had expressed concern of a neurological disorder because at the age of 3-6 months I was not walking. I at the ageof 9 monts was walking and talking so they had assumed nothing was wrong. After reading this It seemed to tie in a little too well with all the other symptoms. The excerpt read:
While schizophrenia generally begins as an acute psychotic episode in young adults, it appears to emerge more gradually in children. The appearance of the disorder is often preceded by developmental disturbances, such as lags in motor and speech/language development. These developmental problems can often be associated with more distinct brain abnormalities.
Found @: http://www.loni.ucla.edu/Research/Projects/COS.shtml
The other symptoms i was sayin i have begun to experience , and i might add over the course of the past year i belive the symptoms have become MUCH worse.
im going to be posting some quotes from numerous web sources , i thikn this will be the best way to include all of what i wanted to include:
--Less obvious symptoms, such as social isolation or withdrawal, or unusual speech, thinking, or behavior, may precede, be seen along with, or follow the psychotic symptoms. In part because of the unusual realities they experience, people with schizophrenia may behave very differently
at various times. Sometimes they may seem distant, detached, or preoccupied and may even sit as rigidly as a stone, not moving for hours or uttering a sound. Other times they may move about constantly – always occupied, appearing wide-awake, vigilant, and alert
I had first assumed that I didnt have thsi disease because of what i thought to be the absence of any type of psychotic behavior. I figured I knew what was real and wht wasnt and even now i believe I have a very good grasp on reality, Unlike some more unfortunate people who suffer from schizophrenia have experienced.
--Hallucinations and illusions are disturbances of perception that are common in people suffering from schizophrenia. Hallucinations are perceptions that occur without connection to an appropriate source. Although hallucinations can occur in any sensory form – auditory (sound), visual (sight), tactile (touch), gustatory (taste), and olfactory (smell) – hearing voices that other people do not hear is the most common type of
hallucination in schizophrenia. Voices may describe the patient’s activities, carry on a conversation, WARN of impending dangers, or even issue orders to the individual. Illusions, on the other hand, occur when a sensory stimulus is present but is INCORRECTLY INTERPRETED BY THE INDIVIDUAL
There are two parts of this I have become fearful of. Often times ihave misinterpreted stimulus incorrectly which has lead to feelings of extreme paranoia, and alot of anxiety.
--Delusions may take on different themes. For example, patients suffering from paranoid-type symptoms – roughly one-third of people with schizophrenia – often have delusions of persecution, or false and irrational beliefs that they are being cheated, harassed, poisoned, or
conspired against
I can remember evreytimethsi has occured over the past year, I as it is often said probabyl couldnt tell the difference between reality and what i was thinking i heard or saw if i was delusional. Now onto what I mean, I have in the past year been hanging out with people i have known fora long tme, I understand some people say you really never know aperson, but you usually get a good idea what a person willdo and how they will act. On each of these dates i was with a person That i felt was a true friend. THese are peoplle that on no other date had said anything remotely negative towards me. I believe the taking of A very high dose of MDA/Caffeine pills mayhave just been the trigger of my first psychotic episode. I dont think it lasted long, dont get me wrnog i had PLENTY of visual hallucinations and disturbances, but that was regular for these pills , people swore it was lsd, and MDA has much more hallucinogenic properties than MDMA.
At any rate we were walking down the street and I was thinking somthing negative about them thinkingthey didnt want me there and that they were having negative thoughts of me. I was walking a short distance behind them and I felt somewhat isolated. Then in a tone the two never usually use, a much more stern serious tone, almost a lower note but at the time thinking what i might call logically i thought the 2 voices i heard were them. Im not sure of all I heard but i do remember parts which Included, Whatever i dont wnt to wlk with this fool lets walk faster, And yeah fuck that fool or something along those lines. I stopped waliking down the street and my friends proceeded as if nothing had happened, and i almost had aweird feelng of it at the time , but I dont know if it really happnned.
My friend asked me whats up and why arent you coming down and i said wtf man you dontthink i have ears? and he said i dont know what the hell you r talking about, and your nuts. I had thought they said it for a long time because the Last thing i'd like to believe is that im hallucinating ANYTHING or have a loss of my grip on reality. But the more i think of it and especially now, it was so unlike them , they would nver "Usually" say such a thing. And i wonder now if the trigger of the psychosis was the feelings I was having.
Usually when someone says something and you call them out on it , they are likely to say thats what they said, A similaroccurence occured at a party where i was getting drunk. I thought someone said something across the crowd.... I would dare to say i thought i saw him say it I was quite mad and i said whats wrong with you ? do you care to step outside and handle this? People were coming up to me saying im fucking crazy and what are yougetting mad at him before, What i had heard woul have been much louder than what would be necessary for Everybody inteh house to hear.
I had like I said dismissed this before as just nothing, and of course the last thing is was was a hallucination. Then just today i was at my friend Joes and we happened to be hanging out with his mother , older sister, younger sister, younger brother, and his grandma and me and my two friends wre there.
I often feel some kind of tension in any conversationwhihch often times makes me feel like not talking at all. Ifeel this in varying degrees and todyay it was only a minor feelng, it stll brang about symptoms, butseemingly no more than usual, as i have much much more problems with new people and strangers, which i also heard tobe a symptom. Then justas i had before when I was feeling these feelngs I heard my friend Raymond who i've knownfor over a year, In front of Joes entire family, said in a clear somewhat loud voice You know we dont want your kind around here so skedattle when i looked at him he wasnt speaking anymore and he looked at me soon after.
What perplexed me themost was that the family didnt seem to even notice. I asked him what did you say andh e said he hadnt said anything. and Joes'momsaid he hadnt either. I mightbe crazy but i dont think they were lying, Wellshit that would make me crazy either way right? LOL.
AT ANY RATE WITH WHAT SEEMS TO BE ALL THE SYMPTOMS SCHIZOPHRENIA INCLUDING WHAT I AM CONCERNED TO BE MULTIPLE PSYCHOTIC EPISODES INCLUDING AUDIOTORY HALLUCINATIONS (VOICES OF PEOPLE AROUND ME) FEELNGS OF BEING CONSPIRED AGAINST, EXTTREEME PARANOIA/ANXIETY ESPECIALLY IN THE FACE OF SOCIAL SITUATIONS, AVOIDING THEM ENTIRELY REALLY, MY LEVEL OF DEPRESSION AND OTHER "NEGATIVE" PROBLMS ASSOSCIATED WITH TEH DISEASE.AS THESE PROBLEMS HEV CONTINUTED TO WORSEN AND GROW MORE PREVALENT IM VERY AFRAID OF THE PROGRESSION OF OTHER PSYCHOTIC/DELUSIONAL BEHAVIOR. I NEED SOME OPINIONS AND IM HOPING SOMEPEOPLE WHOREALLY KNOWWHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT COULD HELP GIVE ME SOME ANSWERS. FIRST OF ALL IF YOU ACTUALLY READ MY ENTIRE POST THANKS FOR GIVING A FUCK. MY FATHER IS A PSYCHIATRIST AND I AM VERY AFRAID TO PURPOSE THIS AS THE POSSIBLITY OF MY TRUE PROBLEM. PLEASE REPLY SOON