Inappropriate guilt

[Ashley-Kate]

why is it that i am the one that feels bad for what he did why is it that i still defend the way he acted the way he treated me why is it that i hate myself that much as to believe that i deserve nothing more than to have my body violated over and over again and to have gone back to the man that inflicted this pain on me even though i knew it was bad i hated it but in some way i thought i deserved it that i did somehting rong because it just could not be his fault and the sad thing is thati know it is not tru but i still believe it for me if it happened to one of my friends they would be innocent the victim but not me i could have changed somehting done something been stronger. but i wasn't
i just can't understand myself
yours trully
A-K

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Re: never ending guilt

A-K

Perhaps letting go of the guilt you feel over not being strong enough, and letting it happen. I know its easier said than done, but truthfully, you didn't deserve it. Even though to this day you still think that you did.

Have you been able to speak to people about it? The more people that you do speak to, the more you will see their honest reactions, and the more you will be able to understand how not in the wrong you were. You are far harder on yourself than you are on others in many many ways, This one included.

:hug:

 

[Halo]

Re: never ending guilt

AK

I think that what you are describing are some of the common thoughts and feelings that go through ones mind after being abused and/or violated. The interesting part is when you say that if it was one of your friends they would be an innocent victim but not for you. You are blaming yourself for what happened even though you know it is not true and it isn't. Nothing was your fault.

I honestly believe that in order to work through these thoughts and feelings that they should be done in a safe environment with a therapist who is experienced in this area that can help.

I hope that you can find someone to talk to about this.

Take care
:hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: never ending guilt

I agree that you need to find someone to talk to about this. That is the best way to heal and rid yourself of the guilt and blame that you don't deserve to be putting on yourself.

 

[ThatLady]

Re: never ending guilt

I think a lot of this guilt comes from the fact that there are several very important aspects of one's belief system that are attacked when one is violated in the way you were violated. For one thing, we all need to trust those we care about. That's just a human need. When we're betrayed by someone we care about and trust, that strikes at something very basic within us. To lose trust is to lose a necessary aspect of who we are and who we hope to be. Therefore, we tend to blame ourselves. That way, we aren't forced to face the loss of trust that is so critical to us.

Add that to the fact that our very being has been physically violated and you've got a pretty ugly mix-up of emotions. The natural tendency is to avoid facing the reality. We do that by blaming ourselves. If it's our fault, we don't have to live with knowing that someone we care about violated not only our person, but our trust. We can just accept that we're "bad people" and lose only our self-respect. What we don't realize at the time is that it's a lot more damaging in the long haul to lose self-respect than it is to cut out of our lives the person who cannot be trusted, no matter who it is or how close to us they may have been.

I hope that makes sense. I'm not finding my thoughts on this issue easy to verbalize, for some reason.