Hello all,
I joined this forum as a means to help me cope with some feelings surrounding the diagnosis of my mother having Dissociative Identity Disorder and some of the consequences that accompanied it.
My mother was diagnosed six years ago and has been in psychotherapy during such time working towards integration. The journey has been difficult for the entire family. Because of her lack of parenting skills and access to community mental health resources, I have endured a childhood ridden with abuse; physical, mental, and emotional. My mother has numerous personalities that are frequently taking control. As a young child I was constantly on guard, wondering when her next big blow out would occur. On top of having D.I.D., my mother suffers from significant bouts of depression and anxiety. Her high anxiety levels make her feel as though she cannot take medication out of fear that someone may try to poison her or she will lose control of her body. Any medications or treatment she had been prescribed sat in the medicine cabinet rotting passed their expiry date for years on end.
I don't know where to start to describe the roller coaster of emotions it has been living with a parent who had untreated D.I.D., depression, and anxiety. I understand that each case is individual, and that it isn't necessarily the mental illness that fostered the abusive tendencies; however, I feel that if she had received the treatment necessary a lot of that abuse could have been prevented.
One of the most difficult pieces in all of this is the fact that I cannot come to terms with the abuse that I experienced. I have tried talking to my mother about it and asking her to accept responsibility for her actions but she has a hard time with this; I understand that she may have a difficult time connecting with the events. I have educated myself quite thoroughly on her disorder so that I can understand. Yet, I still cannot make peace without seeing her make an effort.
At 25 years old, I'm pregnant with my first child...and it has been increasingly difficult for me to maintain any stable and healthy relationship with my mother. She continues to repeat old patterns of control and abuse. It pains me deeply to distance myself from her because I want to support her and see her do well...at the same time, I don't want to risk my child's mental health and well being. I have yet to see any visible progress of her treatment and am beginning to lose hope that she will ever be able to have a healthy relationship with her children and grandchildren.
I suppose this is my way of coping with all of the issues surrounding her mental illness. As well as my own struggles with anxiety and depression. I hope to find some solace...
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Krystal
Child and Youth Worker, Ottawa ON
I joined this forum as a means to help me cope with some feelings surrounding the diagnosis of my mother having Dissociative Identity Disorder and some of the consequences that accompanied it.
My mother was diagnosed six years ago and has been in psychotherapy during such time working towards integration. The journey has been difficult for the entire family. Because of her lack of parenting skills and access to community mental health resources, I have endured a childhood ridden with abuse; physical, mental, and emotional. My mother has numerous personalities that are frequently taking control. As a young child I was constantly on guard, wondering when her next big blow out would occur. On top of having D.I.D., my mother suffers from significant bouts of depression and anxiety. Her high anxiety levels make her feel as though she cannot take medication out of fear that someone may try to poison her or she will lose control of her body. Any medications or treatment she had been prescribed sat in the medicine cabinet rotting passed their expiry date for years on end.
I don't know where to start to describe the roller coaster of emotions it has been living with a parent who had untreated D.I.D., depression, and anxiety. I understand that each case is individual, and that it isn't necessarily the mental illness that fostered the abusive tendencies; however, I feel that if she had received the treatment necessary a lot of that abuse could have been prevented.
One of the most difficult pieces in all of this is the fact that I cannot come to terms with the abuse that I experienced. I have tried talking to my mother about it and asking her to accept responsibility for her actions but she has a hard time with this; I understand that she may have a difficult time connecting with the events. I have educated myself quite thoroughly on her disorder so that I can understand. Yet, I still cannot make peace without seeing her make an effort.
At 25 years old, I'm pregnant with my first child...and it has been increasingly difficult for me to maintain any stable and healthy relationship with my mother. She continues to repeat old patterns of control and abuse. It pains me deeply to distance myself from her because I want to support her and see her do well...at the same time, I don't want to risk my child's mental health and well being. I have yet to see any visible progress of her treatment and am beginning to lose hope that she will ever be able to have a healthy relationship with her children and grandchildren.
I suppose this is my way of coping with all of the issues surrounding her mental illness. As well as my own struggles with anxiety and depression. I hope to find some solace...
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Krystal
Child and Youth Worker, Ottawa ON
