more sad than mad tonight...

[Rusaalka]

tonight i have a very bad feeling creeping up on me. there is never any explaination for it, and even though i know it is just a state of mind due to abnormalities in chemical balance; i cannot convince myself i will be okay.

i feel so wierd, scared, like somethin gbad is going to happen, all the general symtoms of anxiety disease. i never know what to do when this happens, i have not been on medication in years. i know nothing is wrong, and nothing bad is going to happen, but i cant shake the terror. i feel uneasy, and very worried, and i just would od anything to free myself from the way i feel tonight. im not even in a bad mood, i am just...frightened.

the whole "porn" issue does this to me too. it is almost as though i am angry to prevent it from making me feel panicked. i dont know exactly why it does this to me, and i know it shouldnt, but it does. and there is nothing i have discovered, no knowledge that has made it fade. what should i do, to prevent this from making me feel so terrified?

that isnt specifically why i feel this way right now, i dont know why i feel like this. but it makes me really, REALLY nervous. i feel awful and shaky inside. i just try to not allow it out...so i dont have an attack and suffer the worst. but i hate feeling it creeping up from inside.

also, if for any reason people would prefer i add to old topics instead of creating new ones, let me know.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

it is almost as though i am angry to prevent it from making me feel panicked. i dont know exactly why it does this to me, and i know it shouldnt, but it does. and there is nothing i have discovered, no knowledge that has made it fade. what should i do, to prevent this from making me feel so terrified?

I think that's very insightful, Rusaalka.

As destructive as anger can be, it often does feel better, at least temporarily, than anxiety or depression.

It's partly an illusion, I think, but anger makes you feel energized, powerful. On contrast, when we feel very anxious or fearful or depressed, we feel more weak and helpless.

But of course it would be far better if you could learn ways, either with or without the help of medication, to gain more of a sense of control over this anxiety - anxiety, the monster - it's not you and it doesn't own you - I know it feels overwhelming now but it can be defeated, or at least mastered, controlled. It's partly the fear that this monster is stronger than you that is so scary. It's not stronger than you though - it's only fear, anxiety, worry.

Focusing on controlling some of the ophysical symptoms may help - like slowing down your breathing, closing your eyes, slowing down your thoughts - pushing them away, trying to just focus on breathing in and breathing out - long slow breaths - listen to the sound of it - let go of the tension in your arms and hands - try to let your body just relax, go limp.

But I really do wish you would find a way to talk to a doctor about some medication - even if you don't want to be taking anything regularly, some people find medications like beta blockers or mild tranquilizers helpful in stopping an anxiety attack from spiralling up in intensity when it starts - this can allow you time to practice other physical techniques like relaxation therapy.

Note: I may move this thread into the Anxiety section -- I think it might be more appropriate for that topic, although what you are struggling with has elements of anxiety, depression, anger, and relationships issues... I'll leave a marker here if I do move it and/or the other thread.