Mothering when you have a mental illness and so does your child ?

[Lily]

Maybe its because I am not in a good place right now, and with my recent seperation from my husband and moving out on my own with my daughter. I am worried down right scared. How do I cope with my mental health issues and my daughters? Is it possible to do this without wearing yourself down more then you all ready are? My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD, a LD and a major impulse control problem. We are also waiting for an appointment to see if she has OCD. I work with the local childrens mental health organization for her. But I have never had to do this on my own, and I am scared. Can you succesfully raise a child when you have mental health issues and so does she?

 

[Daniel E.]

How do I cope with my mental health issues and my daughters?

What about therapy for yourself as a way to not only cope but thrive?

 

[Lily]

I am in therpay once to twice and week deepending on how I am doing, and I see a pyschitrist once a month. It is just a long hard road and I would say I am far from thriving. I do my best to not make my issues become my daughters issues.

 

[Andy]

Can you succesfully raise a child when you have mental health issues and so does she?

My mom raised me well. Aside from my issues now, these are my issues.
I think you just need to find what works best for you and your daughter. It may take a little trial and error and if you have that support in therapy twice a week that will help a lot. Try not to panic to much about it, maybe take it one week at a time or if that's to much then a day at a time.
I don't have children so if this sounds condescending then I apologize, it's not meant to be that way.

 

[Daniel E.]

But I have never had to do this on my own, and I am scared.

BTW:

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/anxiety-and-stress/22228-threat-vs-challenge.html

 

[Lily]

Try not to panic to much about it, maybe take it one week at a time or if that's to much then a day at a time.
I don't have children so if this sounds condescending then I apologize, it's not meant to be that way.

It does not sound condescending at all.

---------- Post added August 30th, 2010 at 10:17 AM ---------- Previous post was August 29th, 2010 at 06:47 PM ----------

I just wish there were more resources for parenting when you have a mental illness and so does your child. There are so many resources for if you have a mental illness, or your child has one. But no matter how much searching on the net I do I can't seem to find anything when both you and your child has one.

I should look at is as a challenge and something I can deal with. My ex has told me that he will help out as much as he can, it still scares me. It is just real hard right now. My daughter has a very aggressive streak. Which we have been working on with the help of the children's mental health and Dr's. She also sleepwalks, has nightmares, and can tantrum for hours. She is 7 1/2 now, and things have gotten better with the help of meds, and working with the behaviorist. She is able to stay some what focused in school now, and her grades even came up at last term.

Its just on my worse days, and on hers, there is no back up anymore. No one right there I can say to you know what I need a time out now.

 

[Daniel E.]

My ex has told me that he will help out as much as he can

Does he want more custody or visitation rights than he has been granted?:

For the sake of the children, the goals of divorcing parents should be the same: involvement of both parents in the lives of the children and mitigation of conflict between the parents. These two factors should dominate all others when thinking about custody.

A joint custody solution gives a psychological boost to the parent who would otherwise be the noncustodial parent. But, even in a sole-custody situation, generous time-sharing (combined with open communication between parents) can create an environment where a noncustodial parent is significantly involved in the children's lives...

Children who do poorly with constant change, have difficulty adjusting to new situations, and seem to need a great deal of stability and security in their lives don't do well with joint physical custody.

http://life.familyeducation.com/divorce/custody/45563.html

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Check with the CAS, Lily. Especially in cases like yours, they will sometimes provide respite care for a day or a weekend.

 

[Daniel E.]

I don't know if this is a different program, but it offers 7 days per year:

Respite Care

 

[Lily]

We are not going to be going to court to fight each other for custody. I would say that besides some bumps are seperation has been pretty civil. I always told him he was a great father (and he has told me I am a great mother) and that no matter what I would never keep our daughter from him. As of right now ( I am living with my mom until my apartment opens up) He sees her twice through the week and has taken her almost every weekend. We have agreed that we are both her parents and that he will still take time off to come to her appointments with her mental health worker and for her peds appointments. So he is very supportive. We talked about it a bit more and he also said if it is a real bad day for both my daughter and I that all I have to do is call and he will come over after work and give me a break. Which makes me feel a bit better. We decided that no matter what our issues were with each other that they should never become our daughters, and that her personal welfare and sense of being loved and have safe homes to go to is first and formost our job for her.

I also so spoke to her mental health worker this afternoon and she did tell me that they do provide respite care for some familys if it is needed. She was also at a loss though for having much information to give me on when a child and parent both have mental health issues. That most of the stuff she does have has to do with childrens mental health.

I have always tried very hard to make sure that my issues don't become my daughters. They are not hers and my issues and are not hers to take on or fix, which is part of the reason I have hung on as long as I have and tried very hard to find someone that can help me.

Check with the CAS, Lily. Especially in cases like yours, they will sometimes provide respite care for a day or a weekend.

As for CAS I had dealings with them when I was a teenager and I have to say it was not good at all. It may be diffrent now but I was put into some pretty not nice situations with some foster homes. I was in there care for a year at one point because I wouldn't stop running away from my home and I have to say it was not much better then the situation I was trying to run from. I know that this is not the case for all but I don't trust them.

 

[chaos is me]

I always told him he was a great father (and he has told me I am a great mother)

Thats because you are a great mother.