More threads by Ashley-Kate

well i am soon to be 18 therefore off to college and well i am not too sure about it i am actually very nervous do to my past in taking care of myself alone and all i was hesitating in living with my boyfriend or living in a dorm room if i am with him i am more supervised and tookencar of but if i live alone i am independant and i chose to do what i want ad thatb could be good and also bad i am really not surewhat to do and this choice scares me caus ei don't know what is best anymore ..
yours trully
the teen that is growing up

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I don't know what is the best answer for you either, Ashley... byt you still have a couple of months to make up your mind, right?

One thing that occurs to me is that, if I remember correctly, your relationship is still pretty new - is that correct? If so, it might not be the best thing for you or the relationship to move to living together that quickly. On the one hand, you'll have him as help and support; on the other hand, no matter how nice he is or how much you love him, it's always more stressful living with someone than not - especially in a relationship because then when you're annoyed it's harder to say or do something about it.

This might be another good issue to raise in therapy if you can get that started again.


Hety Ashley - I agree with David that living with someone can be really stressful. I have lived with 3 boyfriends, and once you live together you see the worst of each other. That is OK, if you've been together long enough and you expect it. But, if your relationship is still new, then you definitely want to consider if you are ready for this or not. One thing I found with my recovery was that I did better when my boyfriend left. Not that anything was his fault, but I think that unknowingly it kind of drained me to live with someone that I had to care about, lend money to, argue with sometimes, etc. Just something to think about :)
Ashley kate

I do think its important that you make your own descions. You have to do what you think is right. If you don't think you can't take care of your self maybe get a hold of a counselor at the college and let her know about your condition that way you have some ware to go. And at lest you have some kind of person there that will help you. I got to tell you just because my parent were always right. Your parent will always be there for you. Your boyfriend wont. don't get me wrong i've had plenty of boyfriend that I thought would be there for me and they weren't. some time we all have to learn the hard way. Wish you luck in your desicion
Hi Ashley-Kate
ok, apart from it being a recent relationship .... in fact... lets set the relationship aside completly.... there are two major reasons that I strongly advise going into dorms for at least the first year of school. One is that this is the first time (usually) that you leave the nest properly. Not only is this... ABSOLUTLY AWSOME... but its also very important because it teaches you (in a nice fluffy way - because most of the work like utilities etc arn't there) about setting your own rules.
The second is.... you will miss out on alot in terms of the social aspect if you don't move into halls.
Everyone goes out all together, everyone comes back together, and these are where the 'college/university' bonds are made.
As someone that chose to live with her b/f instead of moving in to halls I do feel that I really missed out.
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