More threads by Michelle M

My Mother lives very close to me and l go visit for short times each day. The problem with her l have always had and still have is l catch her lying to me as well as other people all the time. l sat and wondered if l had/have anger issues but l thought about it, is more like feeling let down, disappointment.

l saw her wearing new footwear today, which is not a big deal, but when l asked her where she bought them, she told me she had them for years.

lt is not just this footwear, but she does it all the time with items she gets. l have sat there and listened to her lying on the phone and no matter what the situation, l find that l cannot trust her or believe in her at all.

l second guess everything she says and l just don't understand why she can never tell the truth.

l am an honest person and my Father was, with whom l was very close to until he died. My Mom is closer to my sister but l have not seen or talked to my sister as she lives in B.C. so l don't know their conversations together. l know there was a problem in the early 90's when my Mom moved to B.C. and a month later moved back to Ontario.

l keep my Mom at an arm's length because of the way she is but l just cannot understand why she lies even about the smallest thing, such as getting a new pair of shoes. Today, l just sat thinking of how to leave because l felt so uncomfortable after talking with her.

l never feel comfortable around her but l felt at her age of 85, l needed to be responsible and move her close to me so l could take care of her if need be. She is alert and can function on her own. lt is just the lies l catch her in, just like she always has. l do regret asking her to move here and l feel guilty for saying that.
She is 85 and at that stage sometimes memory is not what it used to be. My ma forgets lots of things and she is abt same age. Not lying just forgetting things your mother is who she is and will not change.
If you can love her for what she is that is good and if you cannot then try not to let her lies upset you ok.
Who knows why she does it perhaps something she learned as a child to protect herself.

Your mother is old now and no one can change her ways now so just love her if you can ok if not then step away.
l am 54 now, but as a teen, it was then l noticed her stories would change depending what mood she was in. l would be punished very harshly, even if it was something minor such as being late from work because l had to walk everywhere, even miles from home because she had no interest in my welfare such as bad weather, time of night when l had to go to school in the morning or having to walk after a shift at McDonalds for closing latenight. She would slap me across the face accusing me of lying, which l did not because she took her anger out on me and had an explosive temper that scared me.
She and my sister always talked but if l came close, she would tell me to go do something to keep myself busy.. lt is the same now if l walk into her home, she shuts her laptop lid right away and then say she had been in the living room reading. She will not discuss anything to do with my sister and if l ask, she changes the subject.
She goes out in the morning and will say she had not been out, but will slipup at times saying it was cold and slippery or snow covered roads early when she was out.
My Mom may be 85, but she has the same mind as when l was much younger. l am very careful what l say because she is very good friends with the neighbours that live above me, who are also her neighbours. l told her l was friendly with them, but l never got too personal and my business was private as theirs was also to avoid any problems living here so l never got personally involved.
My Mom has always been a gossip for as long as l remember but l figured being her present age, she would have changed and be "nicer", as she was when she used to visit me every summer.
l truly believed she changed as she used to drive 5 hours to stay a month and there was never a problem...ln one of my previous posts, l said she told me to f*** off when she got mad at me and then asked me to sign a card as l told her, l was not going to stay with her swearing at me.
Now l feel like my life is a nightmare with her anger at times, catching her in lies knowing l can't trust her and now gossiping about my daily goings on with the neighbours as they will mention a few things such as my shopping habits, not eating meet or where l take my dog to go to the bathroom. There is just a constant turmoil for me because l feel so on edge around her because she turns stories around.. l just feel so let down that l convinced her to move here and l see now her actions and words suit her.. The neighbours even told me to go to them if l need to go to the medical clinic at night to get an IV for a Migraine and l asked what she said to the neighbour and l heard her talking but she tells me she just told them she was warming up her car to go to the just never stops and everyday there is always another lie l catch her in. l am so very dissapointed to call her my Mother because l am so ashamed to have asked her to move here thinking she had changed.
Perhaps it would be better for you if you could get your mother into a different living arrangement then. If it is not healthy for you to have her there perhaps looking into a seniors residence would be an option. I do know i really do know how hard it can be so maybe for you sake you could find different living arrangements for your mother. As i said she will not change even with age sometimes people become not so gentle but more critical of the ones they love.
She is able to take care of herself and still drives and is very self sufficient. l have been living here for 3 yrs. now and l have my place and she has hers. l realize now what a big mistake l made in suggesting she move here.
She is friends with the neighbours above me so l am very careful what l say. l went out with my dog this afternoon and came home not stopping in to see her. l am going to try and keep some distance from her and also with the neighbours and see how that works..When l lived in Ottawa raising my children, she was always around and it was hard on me and my kids were never close to her.. l came to know my Mom was sneaky then , such as when my daughter died, l had neighbours telling me she had gone to their house, giving them her phone number and asking them to call her if l was acting strangely.
The owner has a second place he owns, where l am presently living so l am going to see if any apartments there are coming available because l think l have to remove myself out of this situation in order to find some peace.
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