My Therapist Got Emotional

[GDPR]

It happened a couple of months ago,but it has been bugging me since then.

He called me back and I went in and sat down,like I normally do.I was waiting for him to ask how I was feeling,like he usually does,but instead,he looked at me very intently and then there were clearly tears in his eyes.I didn't say anything,I was really surprised by it.And then he just kind of wiped his tears and we continued on as if it didn't happen.

It has been bugging me since then because I don't know what it was about.He was running a few minutes late so I just assumed it had something to do with the person that was in there before I was.I even felt a little jealous because I was thinking he must really care about her to cry like that.I also started feeling guilty for going there and bothering him with all of my trivial nonsense when there are people with real problems that depend on him and need him.It made me feel like I shouldn't waste his time anymore,that I should stop going,so that he could devote all of his time and attention to the person he was crying over.The next time I went in,I apologized for taking his time away from others.I told him that I realized I was doing that when he was running a little late,and it makes me feel bad.He assured me that it was okay,that I need his help too,the same as everyone else that goes there.

Sometimes though,I wonder,what if his tears were for me.And I am not really sure what it would mean if they were.I have only seen him get emotional one other time,and that was when I first started talking about everything and he said I was lucky to survive.It bothered me then,but I got over it,it was a few years ago.I wasn't in distress or anything a couple of months ago,I was actually okay that day,I hadn't even said anything,I had just sat down.

If the tears were for me,I don't know why.I worry that maybe I just seem/look so pathetic.And I sure wouldn't want him to feel sorry for me.I can't stand to be pitied,and I have told him before to not feel sorry for me when he says things like "I'm sorry that happened to you".I don't even want him to say anything like that and I can't handle hearing it.

Of course I want him to care about me,and I always wonder whether he does or not.But I wouldn't want him to care enough to cry.That's too much,that's too intense(deep down,I guess I really would want him to care that much,but that's just a fantasy thing,and not something I could deal with if it was actually true).

I guess what I am saying is I don't want to believe the tears were for me,I keep thinking they couldn't have been,not for me.But at the same time,I keep thinking what if they were.And I will never know because I didn't say anything,I didn't ask why he was,I didn't even acknowledge that he was.And I won't be asking him about it either.It was 2 months ago and I'm sure he wouldn't even remember it anyway.Plus,I would be too afraid to ask,because what if they had nothing to do with me.

If they were for me,what does that mean? I know nobody could know for sure,not knowing him,not knowing what was in his head or anything,but it is bugging me and I don't know how to take it.

I should add that it made me see him differently too.I believe it was the first time I saw him as a person and not just a therapist doing his job,doing what he is paid to do.That despite what he presents on the outside,inside he is just human.And that scares me a little bit,and I'm not sure why.

I'm not quite sure what I am looking for or asking here.I'm wondering how others interpreted this if it has happened to them.I'm wondering why he would have tears when I hadn't even started talking yet.I'm wondering if he feels sorry for me.I'm wondering if he cares.I'm wondering whether it had anything to do with me or not.

 

[rdw]

I think you should ask him instead of speculating about the cause of his tears. There could be a thousand reasons for his emotions and until you clear the air with him, it will continue to bother you

 

[Cat Dancer]

Definitely ask. My old therapist teared up a few times when I was telling him really hard stuff, but I never really knew why. It did kind of bother me. I didn't want him to be affected by my stuff.

 

[GDPR]

Sorry my post was so long winded this morning,I tend do a lot of thinking during the A.M.

I won't and can't ask him about it.For one thing,it's been so long now that I highly doubt he would even remember it.And I would feel embarrassed if I talked about something that seems like such a big deal to me and he didn't even remember it at all.That has happened before,where I asked about something and he didn't even remember,and I did feel embarrassed,and I don't want to do that again.

I guess what my question here should be is it possible that he even could have been emotional about me. Is it possible that he actually could care about me?To be honest,I don't feel like it could be possible.Like I couldn't be significant enough to be cared about by anyone(other than the people that probably feel an obligation to).

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yes it's possible.

To be an effective therapist requires

1. that you be able to connect in an empathic way with your client, and
2. that you be able to sufficiently detach from what the client is experiencing to be able to help rather than just getting drawn in to the client's distress.

Having said that, therapists are also human and have their own history of losses or triggers. If once in a while, some of the emotion breaks through for a moment, I don't think that's a terrible thing. Therapists are not robots.

 

[MHealthJo]

I guess also it's possible that in his own life maybe there was something difficult going on... who knows. Maybe he got some bad news on an urgent personal phone call he received earlier in the day, maybe between patients he thought about the news and some tears sprung. Whatever was going on, maybe he thought he was ready for the next person to come in and do his job, but maybe there were a couple more moments that he needed, in order to present his usual fully 'professional' presentation...

But I still wanted to say LIT that whatever the situation was, there ARE going to be good people who care about you/feel compassion for you - you're not some exception to the rest of the human race, that cannot be cared about. Even though sometimes a person's background seems to send that message to a person. (I hope that isn't uncomfortable for you in a pity sort of way. But you can be cared about. You are as important and worthy as anyone.)

In a way I guess it is uncomfortable when emotions come through a bit from a therapist - it's more comfortable and soothing to see them as godlike and invincible maybe? But caring and feeling some compassion doesn't mean they are exactly... suffering, or in any sort of danger or problem, sort of thing. They just have healthy compassion. I am not exactly sure how much would be something to be concerned about, in terms of them not keeping their boundaries strong enough, but it's up to them to do that and with your therapist it seems like you can have pretty good confidence that he can do that.

 

[Jesse910]

My therapist is a tough woman who has displayed a gamut of emotions. Because of transference issues that I have with her regarding my mother, at times she has enabled me to see what a person may feel in a similar situation. I was raised in a home where emotions were displayed through the breaking of dishes, licks were passed with belts or glass rods. So, when I have shared something from my past and my therapist tears up, it enables me to visualize how my mother might have responded had she been able to share her feelings openly with me. It also enables me to have dialogues about said feelings that help me to process my thoughts in a healthy manner.

Coupled with the above, as has already been mentioned, therapist are human beings. As such, they can be triggered. This happened in a marriage counseling session with my husband wherein the therapist came down pretty hard on me. I was a wreck for over a week. However, I was also very pissed off at him for attacking me to the point where I called him on it. He admitted that I had triggered him because he had experienced a similar situation in his childhood. Do not be afraid to ask your therapist questions about things you experience in the therapeutic relationship. This is the place where you enter to figure things out and to heal.