My therapist's 'goal'

[gooblax]

Hi again. (I don't know what I'm hoping to get out of this post, so feel completely free to disregard it.)

[I should bring this up with my therapist, and I may paraphrase this post for him at some point. Since I'm now planning to increase session frequency, I see that the following might become a problem.]

My therapist has said that he thinks I have anxiety (he wasn't particularly specific).

My opinion is that he's basing that entirely on how I appear during the sessions. I sit there and probably appear to be tense, fidgeting, looking at the ground most of the time, and don't offer much in terms of conversation. Fair enough, that's not ideal, but it's certainly not how I am all the time (or even any of the time, other than when called upon to verbalise any personal stuff).

His goal for my therapy is to engage me in a proper conversation. I feel this goal is unrealistic, as I simply am not aware of my thoughts most of the time, and therefore could not possibly 'think' of enough material for sustained dialogue.

I know my social skills need improvement, but I'm not sure that he's really addressing my main concern. Granted, that concern is somewhat elusive (and possibly fictitious) when I'm only able to express it, with extensive repetition, in text. And if I can't talk about it during the session, then neither can he... So I suppose he's trying to work with whatever I give him IRL, but if that means focusing on how I appear during sessions, he's going to be off-base in my opinion.

 

[Lana]

Gooblax;

I'm so glad to hear that you're seeing a therapist. Good job on that one. As for your concerns, I think you're totally correct in discussing this with him at some point. If it helps, there's a reason why he's a therapist and you're a client. Maybe, just maybe, he knows what he's doing and maybe that's why you went to him in the first place. So, how about letting him do his job and you focusing on doing yours? [and that means follow his lead and see where it takes you] You can always tell him that you find his assessment [that you have anxiety] interesting and what was he basing it on. However, let me just say that anxiety is not always what it seems and your fretting on what he's basing his decision on IS a form of anxiety. Trust him to know his stuff, keep an open mind, and leave your analyses to a minimum. That's his job now. And you can always ask him what it is.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

To add to Lana's comments, it seems to me that whether or not it's the central issue it's not a bad goal to begin with. If you're having difficulty talking in sessions, addressing that issue will help as your goals in therapy evolve.

And that's another point to remember: Therapeutic goals are fluid, not fixed. They evolve and morph over time, usually beginning with the most critical or urgent and/or with what the client is able to handle at the time.

 

[gooblax]

Thanks Lana and Dr Baxter.

I guess I do just need to wait and see where my therapist is going with things. It would certainly be useful to actually talk to him properly (even if just to reduce how bummed out I feel when I don't).

On the other hand, it's all well and good for him to try and wait until I'm able to discuss things properly before addressing things, but I'm the one who's just stuck trying to deal with it (or not!) in the mean time. While he may see me as being "impatient," I can't help but wonder just how patient I'm supposed to be.

 

[Into The Light]

i can relate gooblax, especially to the impatience and not having the core issue addressed right away (and not knowing what that issue is anyway to begin with)

what i have done in a similar situation is i have told my therapist how i felt about it. it helped her understand better what i needed and it helped me too actually. i have felt just as lost as you seem to right now about what it was that i wanted and needed from therapy and these are moments that help clarify it for both the therapist and the client.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

gooblax, if you feel you are ready to move forward on a difficult issue but are having trouble initiating that, make a note about the nature of the issue and hand it to your therapist at your next session.

 

[gooblax]

I've tried the 'note' thing a few times, but then can't follow through with verbal discussion. Usually it only takes a single strangely-phrased question to completely put me off trying to talk.

Anyway, I'll try letting my therapist know about this stuff somehow, and see how it goes.

Thanks ITL and Dr B.

 

[Halo]

Good luck with your next therapy appointment Gooblax. When is it scheduled for?

 

[gooblax]

Thanks Halo.
It hasn't been scheduled yet, but my therapist might be speaking to my mum about it some time in the next few days.