More threads by poss


Hi Everyone,

I've got a really difficult decision to make at the moment. Things haven't been too great lately.

I'm Borderline and am on anti-psychotics and antidepressants. This has made a huge difference to me and I have had some stability that I've never had. However, all of a sudden I seem to be going backwards and am all angry again.

I've been in therapy for almost 2 years on the NHS so it's all been free, but now we're coming towards the end and I don't feel like I've made much progress. My therapist is lovely, really kind and I think genuinely caring but I don't think she knows how to help me anymore. And I don't know how to help myself either.

I have an eating disorder and I self-harm and just generally suffer with anxiety and depression. The problem is that I don't know what to do when my therapy finishes. The only option they have given me is group therapy, which I don't think would be that helpful to me at the moment or else my therapist has said she will help me find someone else privately or that I can continue to see her if I want to.

Of course I'd have to pay for that. I don't mind paying, but I'm worried about how it would change the dynamics of our relationship if I were to go to her home to see her and pay her when we've never done that. I'm also wondering whether she really is able to help me any more.

I've got huge attachment issues which have come up strongly in the transference and I can't figure out whether I just want to keep seeing her because I like her and I need her to like me and care about me and encourage me like my mum doesn't. I also think she must be so frustrated with me by now and probably is hoping that I won't ask to work with her.

I feel like running away from therapy now because I don't want her to abandon me in December. Today's session was really awful. I just stared at the floor and barely said a word or even looked at her because I didn't want to talk about the ending.

I feel so pathetic and childish. And I'm almost too ashamed and embarrassed to go back next week. I don't want to face the last session and a conclusion, I want to run away now. I feel so worthless and useless both in therapy and outside of it. I don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading, sorry it's such a long post.

Last edited by a moderator:
i am sorry you are having such a hard time with all this poss. i would try to discuss all of this with her at the next session, as hard as that may seem. regardless of what you decide to do in the end i think her input could be helpful to you to help you sort it out.

when do you see her again?


Thanks Into The Light. I see her again on Monday but I'm not even sure if I want to go. I feel like walking away so I don't have to deal with it. My husband is away next week too so I'm afraid that if I see her on Monday and get into a real state, self-harming etc. that I'll be all alone. So maybe it's safer just not to go.

Poss :(
Replying is not possible. This forum is only available as an archive.