Not sure what?s wrong with me

[weonlycomeoutatnight]

hi first off I know everyone is different and a support group can?t diagnose me. I have a problem I?m not sure if I have one thing or many. My therapist and case worker said it sounds like depression, anxiety and ptsd and possibly bipolar.

So growing up I was brutally bullied in school. This sounds weird but Since about 3rd grade I kinda created a fantasy in my head, it started with me thinking I was a horse, or a lion, then as I got older it was stuff like I?m a famous musician, actor. I?ve made out with my wall pretending it was someone. I made up everything in my head all the way until about a year ago when between college, school, and being with my fianc? took its place. I slip back into the fantasy sometimes but not as often. Idk if that counts as being dissociative.

But im posting in the bipolar group because I think my problems fit the symptoms and for years I?ve called it anxiety and depression. Since sixteen I did really risky things such as messaging much older men online, that increased to actually meeting upwards to 50 or 60 men between 18-21. I?ve been raped twice as a result of what I did. I?m about to turn 23 and I stopped the random meetings when I got serious with my on off boyfriend now fianc?.

So I know risk taking is a characteristic but on the psychological side. I have extreme mood swings, when I have a breakdown I don?t feel pain and Tuesday December 5th was the one that put me in the er. It started at work when the depressed feeling came on then I cut myself didn?t realize how deep it was until a half hour later when the pain came and I saw all the blood down my leg, then that night my fianc? ask me why I didn?t stop at the store and I broke down crying and he had to take my keys because I took off running towards my car, I don?t remember doing that or smashing my iPhone. The breakdowns are coming closer together than they ever been since November I?ve had 4 and one took me to the hospital.

but I have days where I?m confident and feel great. But it?s very intense up and down and As from my post I have an out of control sex drive? I?ve been trying to control that.

Right now I?m kinda in between happy and depressed, I feel numb but I?m aware?

I?m not sure if that to readers sound like bipolar. I hope someone has similar things as I do

 

[GaryQ]

Hi weonlycomeoutatnight,
Thanks for sharing a bit of your past and current situaltion. You have been through a lot for a young person. I can relate to that part even if I'm old now.

I can't offer much advice although I wish I could and I'm sure many do and will feel the same.
Have you spoken to your doctor? Do you see a psychiatrist? If not maybe your Doctor can refer you.
I think you need to get medical help quickly for your safety.

Best wishes and big virtual hug
Gary

 

[Daniel E.]

Regarding the highs and lows, I like the YouTube videos by Tom Wootton, such as this one:



Also, medications are often/usually vital for treating symptoms of bipolar disorder. Even though I don't have bipolar disorder, I have been prescribed lithium and other mood stabilizers to see if it would help anyway.

The breakdowns are coming closer together than they ever been since November I’ve had 4 and one took me to the hospital.

Have you heard of DBT? It's a therapy that focuses a lot on self-help coping skills, including during a crisis when one is tempted to self harm.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy :: DBT

 

[David Baxter PhD]

The key to diagnosis is differential diagnosis, i.e., ruling out other potential diagnoses before settling conclusively on a "final" diagnosis. This is a critical component of diagnosis and a primary reason for restricting the process to qualified trained mental health professionals.

Beyond that, it is very possible to have more than one "Axis I" diagnosis, so you may receive a diagnosis of PTSD or generalized anxiety disorder along with a diagnosis of major depression or bipolar disorder.

So, to answer your question, it is possible that the symptoms you describe could result in a diagnosis of bipolar disorder but there are a few other possibilities (including borderline personality disorder) which would need to be ruled out by your doctors.

And as has been stated you really need to see a physician or mental health professional face-to-face who can examine your history along with other medical and personal data to conclusively answer your questions.

 

[Daniel E.]

The stereotype with bipolar disorder is that medication is the most important thing. With borderline personality disorder, therapy (such as DBT) is generally more effective. But, of course, why not do both forms of treatment -- medications and therapy?

Also:

Self-harm is “normal” for borderline personality disorder. Self-destructive behavior also goes with the territory with borderline.

But this does not necessarily mean you are borderline.

You are a unique individual, and individuals never fall neatly into convenient diagnostic categories. Most of us with bipolar have bipolar “with some other stuff going on.” Say, bipolar with a bit of anxiety, bipolar with a bit of ADD, bipolar with some behavior quirks, etc, etc.

When our moods run away from us, almost anything can happen. We react to losing control of our brains and to personal distress in an infinity of ways unique to our personalities. The psych literature lists some of the most common (and hence stereotypical ones), but that doesn’t invalidate how you may react.

But here’s where diagnostic labels can help--even if you don’t fit the diagnosis. Suppose, for instance, I get anxious just prior to flipping out--obviously it would help to learn about anxiety and see what I can do to manage it.

So, in your case, it would help for you to research self-harm, which means checking out the literature on borderline, even if you don’t have borderline. The borderline literature is bound to give you some insight into self-harm, as well as some pointers in how to manage it.

I am finding more and more these days that investigating other psychiatric illness -- from anxiety to schizophrenia to personality disorders -- is shedding light on all “the other stuff” that comes with my illness.

Is Self-hitting A Symptom Of Bipolar Disorder? | HealthCentral

 

[forgetmenot]

Just want to say hi and to also say i hope you can reach out to a professional who can guide you to the right support systems that are near you. It must be very scary not knowing what is happening i do hope you can get some help to stabilize your moods swings and to get help to prevent you from self harming as well. With any trauma such as what you have faced i think a professional that deals with trauma can help you face what happened . Glad you are reaching out here and hope you can do so as well to someone you trust in real life ok. Your doctor is a good start he or she will be able to get you to the people who can help you the most.

 

[weonlycomeoutatnight]

My primary doctor won?t do anything I been begging and pleading for months that something is wrong. They referred me to psychiatrist but she doesn?t except my insurance and I can?t pay $400 per appointment. So they?re useless. I started seeing a therapist and I told her I really need to see a psychiatrist but she wants me to go to - few more sessions with her first before I can even see the psychiatrist. I?m sick of the waiting game no one understands the amount of confusion and pain I?m in. I just want to feel better

 

[forgetmenot]

You are right in saying no one can understand your pain and confusion not totally we can um maybe relate as some of us here have gone through same things.

I am glad to hear you are seeing a therapist and i hope you give that person a chance ok

I know it seems hard but that person will help you so go to those sessions and then she can file her findings to a psychiatrist and i do know where you are from but a psychiatrist here is covered by government.
Your general doctor may feel he or she is not capable of giving you the help you need so that is why you were referred to another specialist. You do deserve that help so i hope that soon you can get the treatment you need to feel better. Trust your therapist ok keep talking to her opening up to her about what is going on with your emotions, your fears and pain. Keep talking to us here ok that way you know you are alone.