More threads by ddHopes


have any of you experienced an episode of obsessive thoughtsk that were triggered by say rejection, lies, manipulation by another, etc. And you can't sleep or do anything but think about it, like it's a puzzle you are trying to piece together, why?

I've been going thru this for 3 weeks, during this episode, I've lost the feeling in my left ring and pinky fingers. I may have had a tia.

It is really starting to affect me physically and my quality of life. I want it to go away..................but I don't know how.

Sorry, dd. :( Yes, I have gone through something like this. I still am I think. Something happened a few years ago that involved manipulation and lies from someone that I wanted to trust very badly. I still try to put the pieces of it together. The "why did this happen?" and "what could I have done differently?" And so many other questions that run obsessively through my mind until I just mostly blame myself.

I think I am better able to lay it to rest than I used to be. The hurt is dulled some, but it is still there definitely. Sometimes there just aren't any answers and too many pieces missing to really understand why someone does the things they do.



Thank you Janet.
I thought I was losing you know what I am talking about.

I think I've finally come to the conclusion that my obsession is a protective trigger telling me that this person is ill, Like a pathological liar. I was played and don't want to admit that I allowed it. I keep searching for proof that I am right. I don't understand compulsived lying. Just for the sake of pulling someone in like a game to them, and I am a pawn.

I think anger and hurt is doing this, I truley cared for them.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me, it means the world to me.
hugs, DD
I think I've finally come to the conclusion that my obsession is a protective trigger telling me that this person is ill, Like a pathological liar. I was played and don't want to admit that I allowed it. I keep searching for proof that I am right. I don't understand compulsived lying. Just for the sake of pulling someone in like a game to them, and I am a pawn.

I think anger and hurt is doing this, I truley cared for them.

I think that is a good point. I know for me, I have tried and tried to rationalize and to find a reason why this person is the way they are. And sometimes people are just that way. :( Unfortunately it is very hurtful to people around them.

I'm sorry you have gone and are going through this.


David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I think being "fooled" (or "played" as you put it) is always a bit of a shake-up. It's like a warning to yourself that you've misjudged someone and then you worry about what else you may have misjudged.

The way I try to look at it is that the shame lies with the person who betrayed your trust, not with you for trusting someone. There's an old French (I think) saying that goes, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I don't ever want to become someone who doesn't give people the benefit of the doubt - I'd rather trust until given a reason not to than to distrust everyone, and if that means I get burned from time to time, so be it.


Thank you both so much for replying.

Each day gets a little better, but I cared for this person. And now don't know who I cared for.

fooled is a good word for it. but their motive was relationship based.

I am one to trust until having a reason not to Dave, and to tell you the truth, it has only caused heartache. I tend to distance myself because of that too.
Each time I go back to my old ways of trusting I get burned.

We live and we learn. I guess?? But my heart is still confused. And my dreams shattered.


David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I really do know what that feels like, DD. It has happened to me many times in my life. But I refuse to let such people win. I refuse to let them change me.

You grieve for the breach of trust. You grieve for the lost dream. You need to do that.

But then you move on and you continue to be YOU. Because the alternative is to become like them and that's just not an option.


I doubt that there's anyone alive who hasn't experienced this kind of thing, dd. It's distressing, to say the least. We all want to be trusting, and we want to feel that others are as honest as we try to be. Yet, that's just not realistic, and we're going to get burned from time to time. Sometimes, that burn is going to hurt for awhile; especially, if we've invested some time and caring into the individual doing the burning.

The best you can do is to realize that you're the victim, not the perp. The person who did this to you is the one who should be seeking help, not you. They're also the one who will get the worst "burning", in the end. There are those out there who are a lot smarter, and a lot meaner than they are, and they're bound to run into one of them sooner or later.

It's kinda like finding a bad apple in a group of apples. If you're very careful, you can salvage the good apples and just throw the bad ones out. Kick this one to the curb and tell yourself "good riddance". You don't need that kind of influence in your life. You're a far better person. :hug:


Awwwwwwwwwww, *tears. Thank you , my precious.

This forum is like an angel unaware.

Your words made a difference in my day and in my life. Know that , Okay?

I'm trying soooooooooo hard. I did confront them with the lies that I had proof of, and of course they always have an excuse, it's hopeless for them.

One friend said "two tears in a bucket, f^(& it!!", that also gave me strength.

Being bpd it is always hard to let go of someone you care about, if you can even allow yourself that much. The betrayal is the hardest part.

Thank you again. all of you. You are true people. I need that right now as I gain my faith back in humanity.

love, always,
I've actually had obsessive thoughts so badly that I've stared at the ceiling all night long. Literally all night. Then when you finally do get some "sleep" the thoughts infuse your dreams. It's absolutely maddening.

Now, one thing you may want to consider... beyond a certain point this may be a mental health issue. I actually suspected I may have low grade OCD, but in fact there is no compulsion in my case... just obsession. "Obsessive thoughts", when disruptive enough, I think should qualify as a mental health issue themselves. I believe a lot of the mental illnesses described today may in fact be present in a less disruptive form in the general population.

I used to ruminate, as I call, on math problems in my sleep, and I'd often wake up in the middle of the night with solutions and proofs.

Once a girlfriend told me (out of anger and immaturity) I was her 3rd best sex partner. This triggered a period of obsession in me that has hardly been equaled since, not to mention nearly killing our sex life (worrying about your performance, even having to think of sex as a "performance", something to be judged like an Olympic event, is not conducive to good sex). I still think about it occationally to this day.

Just some thoughts:
- It really will go away one day, as hard as that is to believe now.

- Some things just can't be figured out or fixed. Some puzzles simply can't be solved. It's best to just let go of things that fall into this category, particularly if they are bringing you down.

- Thinking less is sometimes good.

- Sometimes the "truth" doesn't matter. It's what you percieve the truth to be, and how it impacts on you that is all that is relevant.

Anyway, I only mention all this because it can be helpful to recognize patterns and trends in our life. Maybe this is the first time you've ever obsessed over anything, and it may be the last. Or maybe you have a pattern of doing this, like me. I exhibit other strange signs, like unconsciously "counting" (with my finger tips). I realize I probably dwell on (some) things far more than the average person. Somehow knowing all this helps me out when I start to get obsessive. Hopefully you can get your mind to a "place" where you can let things go. I gaurantee it will be easier with time.

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
"Obsessive thoughts", when disruptive enough, I think should qualify as a mental health issue themselves.
They do. That is one form of OCD:


Diagnostic criteria for 300.3 Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

A. Either obsessions or compulsions:

Obsessions as defined by (1), (2), (3), and (4):

(1) recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress
(2) the thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems
(3) the person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action
(4) the person recognizes that the obsessional thoughts, impulses, or images are a product of his or her own mind (not imposed from without as in thought insertion)

Compulsions as defined by (1) and (2):

(1) repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession, or according to rules that must be applied rigidly
(2) the behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts either are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent or are clearly excessive

B. At some point during the course of the disorder, the person has recognized that the obsessions or compulsions are excessive or unreasonable. Note: This does not apply to children.

C. The obsessions or compulsions cause marked distress, are time consuming (take more than 1 hour a day), or significantly interfere with the person's normal routine, occupational (or academic) functioning, or usual social activities or relationships.

D. If another Axis I disorder is present, the content of the obsessions or compulsions is not restricted to it (e.g., preoccupation with food in the presence of an Eating Disorders; hair pulling in the presence of Trichotillomania; concern with appearance in the presence of Body Dysmorphic Disorder; preoccupation with drugs in the presence of a Substance Use Disorder; preoccupation with having a serious illness in the presence of Hypochondriasis; preoccupation with sexual urges or fantasies in the presence of a Paraphilia; or guilty ruminations in the presence of Major Depressive Disorder).

E. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition.


I've always myself been catagorized as ocpd, does that count. NO PUN INTENDED>

I also have to make a star shape in every room. It drives me crazy, because there are only four corners in most rooms.

This obsession is becoming easier, but the person that caused this is now retaliating with out provocation.

so I"m holding fast,............... keeping busy.

Obsessing over other things now..............on top of him. But I hope the new will over come him.

I appreciate you all more than words can say. This sight rocks.

Oh David by the way I got in to vote. Good luck my dear friend,
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