Autumn_leaves
Member
Hi,
I don't really know where to start! I'm having trouble at the moment trying to control my bulimia, and I think I'm doing well, as I've not binged and purged for three weeks.I'm also trying to give up smoking. I realised I only ever did these behaviours to control my weight, so when I had a burst of courage I decided to try and kick both habits. The problem is that I feel I've gaining weight and it's upsetting me a lot. If I was toned and lean before, I feel like I'm turning in to a doughy blob now. I've started running every day, but I've still put on weight, probably because I'm hungrier due to not smoking.
: ( Like this, it would be soo easy to pick up my old ways again, but I know that that would be a real shame. I just feel I'm in a situation that I can't win! Without purging and cigarettes, it seems inevitable that I will gain weight, but I can't deal with that, because one of the things that makes me feel secure is feeling skinny and feeling like I'm in control of my size.
I hate being this "vain" or preoccupied with my weight, but it's something I think about throughout the day (along with food). On bad days, when not smoking and not purging seems too much, I'll lock myself away in my student residence and when my friends come knocking on my door to see where I am, I'm not a pleasant person. I can be very hostile sometimes. Maybe I'm just jealous because their lives seem straight-foward.
I'm trying to study psychology at the moment, in french, which is not easy for me, and because my mind is so preoccupied I just can't focus my attention. I'm falling so far behind. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to be here any more. I find myself wishing my boyfriend was here,because I need some support and love and there is none at all here. I don't have enough confidence in any of my friends here to talk to them.
If anyone who suffers bulimia would like to talk on msn to me, I would like that very much.
Thanks for your time.
Claire
I don't really know where to start! I'm having trouble at the moment trying to control my bulimia, and I think I'm doing well, as I've not binged and purged for three weeks.I'm also trying to give up smoking. I realised I only ever did these behaviours to control my weight, so when I had a burst of courage I decided to try and kick both habits. The problem is that I feel I've gaining weight and it's upsetting me a lot. If I was toned and lean before, I feel like I'm turning in to a doughy blob now. I've started running every day, but I've still put on weight, probably because I'm hungrier due to not smoking.
: ( Like this, it would be soo easy to pick up my old ways again, but I know that that would be a real shame. I just feel I'm in a situation that I can't win! Without purging and cigarettes, it seems inevitable that I will gain weight, but I can't deal with that, because one of the things that makes me feel secure is feeling skinny and feeling like I'm in control of my size.
I hate being this "vain" or preoccupied with my weight, but it's something I think about throughout the day (along with food). On bad days, when not smoking and not purging seems too much, I'll lock myself away in my student residence and when my friends come knocking on my door to see where I am, I'm not a pleasant person. I can be very hostile sometimes. Maybe I'm just jealous because their lives seem straight-foward.
I'm trying to study psychology at the moment, in french, which is not easy for me, and because my mind is so preoccupied I just can't focus my attention. I'm falling so far behind. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to be here any more. I find myself wishing my boyfriend was here,because I need some support and love and there is none at all here. I don't have enough confidence in any of my friends here to talk to them.
If anyone who suffers bulimia would like to talk on msn to me, I would like that very much.
Thanks for your time.
Claire