Please help

[jeffrey]

My girlfriend has bipolar,i have been dating her for 8 months but only seeing her at weekends.I had a friend when i was younger who had bipolar that died,thats my only experience of the illness.

I love this woman dearly but i`m getting very tired,to me she hides in a fantasy world,she doesn`t take her meds as she says they make her a zombie,they are Prozac.

She is into the whole new age thing which is fine,but it is hard for me.She talks of chatting to galactic beings,she constantly goes on about ascention,multi dimensions,atlantis,laws of attraction ect ect,some of these things have some value in psychology,but for the main i believe it is not the real world,this is where i am struggling.

There is being spiritual and there is hiding from life.Can anyone help me,i don`t want to give up on her,but i`m finding that i`m getting frustrated and tired.How can i cope?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Who told you she is bipolar? I ask because Prozac is not the treatment usually recommended for bipolar disorder.

Apart from her eccentric interests, what symptoms do you see in her that suggests she needs to be on medication? Does she have a psychiatrist or a therapist of some sort?

 

[jeffrey]

She had a breakdown 5 yrs ago and was put on Prozac and diagnosed with BPD,she also has some amytriptaline which she doesn`t take.She is on disability benefit and hasn`t worked since her breakdown.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

OK. But what symptoms do you see in her when she isn't medicated?

 

[jeffrey]

I`ve never seen her on meds,she has them in a cupboard.She goes through cleaning phases,lots of energy then none,highly sexual then very low,she cries easily,very sensitive,shes like a sponge and soak up peoples energies,she can`t watch TV because she is effected by it.

There are more symptoms,she is a beautiful person with so much feeling it`s just that i don`t know how to be with her.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I think the best advice anyone can give you is to read as much about bipolar disorder as you can and join a support group for families.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

See http://forum.psychlinks.ca/bipolar-...sorder-a-guide-for-patients-and-families.html

You may be able to find a support group at Psychlinks Directory of Medical and Mental Health Support Groups?:: Psychlinks Medical and Mental Health Support Groups Directory especially Search?:: Psychlinks Medical and Mental Health Support Groups Directory - if not, let us know your general area and I may be able to recommend one or at least a place to start.

 

[jeffrey]

Thank you.

 

[jeffrey]

I have read through the guide and found it very informative and helpful to a point.I live in the UK.

The main problem i`m having at the moment is that my girlfriend says she hasn`t taken her medication for four years and has coped by practicing shamanism,i now realise the importance of spiritualism and new age healing in her life and why she does it,my ignorance to this has not entirely helped her and since she has met me she has not been doing shamanic ceremonies because her best friend who used to organise them doesn`t like me and turned her back on my girlfriend which made her worse.

I think my girlfriend is heading for an episode as she doesn`t have the shamanic ceremony structure any more.

My girlfriend doesn`t want to take any medication as she sees it as poison,in a way i don`t blame her,she doesn`t want to be sedated and lethargic,she doesn`t want to put on weight...She doesn`t want all the side effects that come with the drugs,but at the same time she doesn`t want to feel like she does now which is flat and numb with no energy.

I really didn`t have a clue to what i was taking on but i love her dearly and that is the strength i have.

 

[jeffrey]

My situation is becoming dire,we have just found out that she is pregenant,her moods are worse and i`m finding it hard to cope...I mean i`m not 100% myself,i have had problems in my life too.

I try to be positive for her and be the voice of reason but she drains me and it`s pulling me down,then she cheers up when she mixes in her spiritual circles and i`m left to get on with it,she does`nt want to know when i`m down.

How am i going to cope? And now a child,God give me strength!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

1. If you don't already have one, find a doctor - fast.

2. If you haven't yet got around to it, find that support group we talked about - again, fast.

You've got a lot ahead of you. You need to ensure that she and the baby are healthy and you need to make some decisions and/or preparations for the baby. You've got 9 months to do that.

Have you talked about keeping the baby vs. adoption, for example?

 

[jeffrey]

Ok my girlfriend is now three months pregnant,she is far from blooming,she is depressed,isn`t on any meds but under supervision from mental health experts.

I`m coping the best i can under the circumstances,but i`m finding it difficult,after all i have needs too,the main one being the assurence of being loved...Which is not being met,am i asking too much? I can do the supportive role but when i`m told by my girlfriend that she doesn`t know weather she loves me or not,it kind of pulls me down...Is this something that bipolar people do?

Also i have addressed my behavioural issues and had professional help for them,my therapist has told me that under the circumstances my behaviour was quite normal and helped me to understand myself and my responses to situations much better...Even though i have done this at the request of my girlfriend she still seems to think i need shamanic healing,when in my opinion i`m OK.

I have decided to bail out for a while to stop me from going under and told her that she has to let me know one way or another if she loves me or not,i have been doing all i can for her.

I have paid off some of her massive credit card bills,i take her to the movies,tell her how much i love her,tell her shes beautiful,i`m kind generous and loving to her and her little girl,we eat out,go bowling ect ect.I don`t know what else i can do.

 

[Andy]

...Which is not being met,am i asking too much? I can do the supportive role but when i`m told by my girlfriend that she doesn`t know weather she loves me or not,it kind of pulls me down...Is this something that bipolar people do?

I have decided to bail out for a while to stop me from going under and told her that she has to let me know one way or another if she loves me or not,i have been doing all i can for her.

I don't think you are asking for to much at all. Everyone wants to know that they are loved.
As far as your girlfriend telling you she doesn't know whether she loves you or not, well that has nothing to do with bipolar in my opinion. I don't think you can clump all people with bipolar together and I don't think that if someone is diagnosed as bipolar that every thing they do or say or think is because they are bipolar. Of course she could also be moody because she is off her meds. I just contradicted myself didn't I? Maybe.
Your girlfriend is pregnant also so her horomones are all over the place.

It sounds like I am taking sides with your girlfriend, I was just pointing out those things as I see it.

I can understand how you would be hurt by what she has said, I think anyone would be hurt. From what you have said it sounds like you have done a lot for her. Have you ever read any books or gone to any groups (I know we have one here called OBAD, I don't know where you are) for people with loved ones with bipolar, kind of like an Alanon for bipolar. Something like that might not only help you understand your girlfriends disorder but give you supports.

:friends:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

She's not only pregnant but depressed, probably overtired, and quite possibly feeling sick - and she's unable to take any medications. At this point, she's probably using all her available energy just to get through the day.

after all i have needs too,the main one being the assurence of being loved...Which is not being met,am i asking too much? I can do the supportive role but when i`m told by my girlfriend that she doesn`t know weather she loves me or not,it kind of pulls me down...

Yes, you are quite likely asking too much, i.e., more than she is able to give right now. This is a time to bite the bullet and muster all the empathy and understanding you have. She is going to need that and the baby that's coming is going to need that too.

 

[jeffrey]

I hear what your saying David.

Now she tells me she hasn`t bipolar but depression...She still doesn`t know weather she loves me or not,she tells me it`s up to me if i walk away or not,she tells me that to stick around is a gamble that i will have to take.

I don`t live with her anyway and only stay with her three days a week so she has plenty of space.She said shes going to get help and try to sort her head out.

If i walk away i`ll be unhappy and if im with her im unhappy...Generally im a happy guy...In this world do we have to be so selfish? Do we have to disregard all others? That our feelings are paramount to any others?

Why on earth am i putting up with this? Because she carries my only child! And i want all the things i dreamed,a happy family,with love and affection...I still cling to this and pray for change,there is only so much i can do.

At the moment i feel like crap,i`m drained,financially,physically and emotionally,even mentally.

Is it like this for everyone? It never seems to flow for long in my life.I was a junkie at the age of 19,started with drugs at 13,was engaged at 24 and clean from drugs,single again at 26 and still clean,an alcoholic at 27 and on cocaine,accused of rape by a unstable ex at 29 to get back at me,she tried to retract her accusation when she realised what she had done,charges were dropped but mud sticks...Lost all my friends,i drank more and more.

I think i had some kind of break down,i picked up the pieces,stopped drinking,got clean,got fit,kept working through out all of it,stayed single for nearly 5 years and was reasonably happy considering...And now all this.

Is it like this for everyone? Is this life? I got my problems like most,people i know say im a good guy,so whats the deal?

 

[jeffrey]

I guess i was ranting then,and i`m still ranting now.No one can help me with decisions,no one seems to be able to help me full stop...Nothing is changing.

 

[forgetmenot]

It sounds like you are trying your best for yourself and trying to stay stable good for you. You will need to continue to be strong okay for her and the baby. Get some therapy just for you to help you cope okay with what is going on. If at all possible get some couple t herapy together to help you both be strong during the pregnacy and afterwards. You are having it hard i hear you but know you need to stay strong for all concerned okay try getting some therapy for you to help you stay well. take care okay i am listening

 

[Missed Link]

Jeffrey,
I agree with Violet. You should get some therapy just for you. It will help you sort out all the worries running about in your head. If you and your girlfriend go to some sessions together, like Violet said, it would help you sort out many things together. Once your heads start clearing the two of you should be able to make well thought out decisons for you, her, and the baby. I think you said she has a daughter? You probably want to include her in this equation?

I wish you all the best and every success. It's hard, I know, but I believe you can do it.