Re-evaluating how I use the internet

[gooblax]

I'm a member of a couple of forums (including this one, obviously) but I'm not sure whether it's useful for me to continue with any of them. My usage-patterns are basically the same on all of them. The amount of time I spend on them, not posting, is disproportionate to my actual participation. I don't think I really connect with other members anywhere apart from the occasional post. This isn't to say anything about you guys, you're all great. I'm just not good at personal connection online or off. It's mildly upsetting to me sometimes, but it is what it is.

The problem is that message boards are the only places I share my feelings about anything. Stopping would be like removing my only source of accessible support for anything. But perhaps it's just not relevant anymore. Not for the amount of time I spend reading other people's interactions and not having anything to add.

How do you determine when it's time to consciously move on?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Ask these questions:

1. Is it helping you (or do you feel that it's helping you) to visit a forum whether or not you post?

If the answer is yes, then ask this:

2. Is it doing you any harm (do you feel it is doing you any harm) to visit that forum?

If the answer is no, keep visiting.

If the answer is yes, it depends on how you think it might be harming you (i.e., please specify). For example, if you feel you use the site to procrastinate about doing other things that need to be done, then consider limiting how much time you allow yourself or perhaps make a rule for yourself that you can't go online until you've at least started work on whatever the other thing is. If it's harming you in more serious ways, it's hard to make a general statement - you'd need to tell me how exatly it's harming you.

 

[MHealthJo]

Some people like to talk quite a lot... But others like to listen or think much more than the amount that they talk.....

Nothing wrong with that!

 

[gooblax]

1. Is it helping you (or do you feel that it's helping you) to visit a forum whether or not you post?

I guess it must be in some way, or I wouldn't keep doing it. Where things fall down though is that the problem I'm trying to solve is poorly defined, but I'm trying to use a solution which has its own set of requirements and purpose. So I guess it's partially helping, in the way you can fit part of a square peg in a round hole.

2. Is it doing you any harm (do you feel it is doing you any harm) to visit that forum?

To continue the silly analogy, there's interference between the edges of the peg and hole where they just don't match up. It's painful to have something that looks like it could be a solution, if only the problem were slightly different. When that's the only solution that presents itself, there doesn't seem much else to do but try to change the problem in ways to make it solve it better.

Does any of that make sense? I'm reluctant to try to be more specific, but it didn't really help me come to any conclusions so I don't know.

Some people like to talk quite a lot... But others like to listen or think much more than the amount that they talk.....

Nothing wrong with that!

In general I would agree, but I think when there's a purpose to be achieved there's a certain combination of those that are necessary.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It seems to me you at times find it frustrating because the solutions you find don't fully match your problems, but beyond that it's not doing any harm. If that's the case, I don't see any reason to cut yourself off from potential support. There may even be the added benefit of in time learning how to better communicate the details of your problems or issues so that you may get responses/solutions which are better matches for your circumstances.

 

[gooblax]

Your interpretation is close, but substituting 'solutions' with 'the way I use forums' and shifting the focus from individual issues (such as one might post about) to a higher leve generic problem that can't be solved by discussing the lower level issues would make it more accurate.

I guess it's not as if I have to decide all in one go though. Maybe I'll just set time limits when I notice it being unhelpful.