Quote of the Day
"Over the course of our lives, we’ll constantly be transforming into a more and more authentic version of ourselves. Our preferences will change. Our passions will change. And we have to be brave enough to choose the thing that makes us happiest in each moment."
Mike Iamele, posted by @gooblax
“Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other's achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.”
"We need to help people to discover the true meaning of love. Love is generally confused with dependence. Those of us who have grown in true love know that we can love only in proportion to our capacity for independence."
"Some days, doing "the best we can" may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn't perfect-on any front-and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else."
“Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love. Like all of life’s important coping skills, the ability to forgive and the capacity to let go of resentments most likely take root very early in our lives.”
"When you open yourself to the continually changing, impermanent, dynamic nature of your own being and of reality, you increase your capacity to love and care about other people and your capacity to not be afraid. You're able to keep your eyes open, your heart open, and your mind open."
“In general, an ideal partner is (a) open and nondefensive, (b) honest and nonduplicitous, (c) affectionate and easy-going, (d) mentally and physically healthy, (e) independent and successful in his or her chosen career or lifestyle, and (f) aware of a meaningful existence that includes humanitarian values.”
"It's hard for most of us to go through a typical day outside the home without some humiliating incident, however trivial, without some frustrating reminder of how limited our power is, how unimportant we are. The relationships we want to spend our lives in should be a refuge from this. If they are just a source of more humiliation, they're not healthy places to stay in."
Plenty of research shows that insecure attachment styles can be gradually modified over time either through counseling or through positive interactions with a securely attached life partner. One important way to gain insight into the dynamics of your own marriage is to understand your own attachment style as well as that of your spouse.
There is a small but excellent book I used to recommend to clients which includes a little quiz at the end that both partners complete to identify their own love language. Can be an interesting conversation starter and it's often revealing in couples where one or both partners feels ignored, not valued, taken for granted, not respected, etc.
I mentioned the book in passing to my mother, and she mentioned she bought it decades ago when she had issues with my dad
Recently, I bought the nicest gift ever for my husband. I am saving it for Valentine's Day. Usually, we just go out to dinner for Valentine's, but with the COVID-19 we would be eating in a minivan ( by the river ) So, anyway, this gift be a test to see how important gifts are to him...relative to me helping with the dishes