• Quote of the Day
    "You are much deeper, much broader, much brighter than any idea you could have of yourself."
    Harry Palmer, posted by Daniel

Cheyenne

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Feb 18, 2006
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...Probably not, but it's cool :)
It's been almost a year since I last logged on, though I've always checked in periodically just to read. And I do want to say that I really appreciate the help and kind words I have been offered to me from the members here in the past, I really like this website - the information and the great people.
I'm going to add an update of what happened throughout the past year or so, at the end, but first my question since I know not everyone, if anyone, will want to read the update but would be willing to answer my question. Anyways....

My Question:
Do the urges to SI ever stop? I haven't hurt myself(well, not intentionally) in a long time, since I posted on here that I told my parents after it had gotten to the point I was scaring myself and I decided I needed to quit for my own good after about four years of doing it regularly, but every now and then I still want to. It's an easy urge to dismiss now, doing something, anything, for a few minutes will usually make me completely forget. It's more annoying than anything, I've never really considered acting on it, so I was just wondering if the urges will ever stop, even if it takes a few years, or if its just something that'll stick around as sort of a 'tick' from my past?

My update if anyone would like to know/cares:
A fair bit has changed in my life since I first posted here. I've had no thoughts of suicide in a good long while, have kept with my pledge to avoid self-injury though it was hard at first, I've completely dropped the drugs and the drinking I got involved with, I changed groups of friends - I decided the friends I had been hanging around weren't the best of people and were contributing to the depression. While hanging out with my 'new'(I had always known them) best buddies isn't always trouble-free(We go to court tomorrow for something not too bad - Wish us luck!) they've really helped me a lot, they were the ones who stepped up and convinced me drugs weren't the way to go, they're the ones who are always there and I'm always comfortable around them. And probably hardest yet most important, I've developed the self-confidence that I am something, I am important to someone, that I WANT to live, that it's all worth-while even through all the pain. My physical health has been pretty bad recently though and therefore I haven't been able to get out with the dogs, one of my favorite things to do, but I still love them as much as ever, who knows where I'd be now if I didn't have the dogs to help me through the rough spots. The only really noticeable bad in my life now is that I still am a horrible procrastinator and simply do not have the ambition to do much more than 'get by' in school, also I'm very jumpy as if someone's going to hit me and I flinch when most people move around me but my best friend's mom has been helping me get over that.
It sounds so cliche, but it really is like to a great deal that I've developed into a different person, I mean, my personality's generally the same, but I'm much more emotionally and socially healthy I guess is what I mean, it's so much different from how I was in that aspect.

That is all, I have clearly not lost my knack for ridiculously long posts in a year.
Anyways, thank you for reading and I hope someone can give me some insight on my question.
 

Halo

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Jul 19, 2005
Messages
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Cheyenne,

I do remember you and it is great to hear from you, it has been way too long :D

First, it was such a pleasure reading your post about all the good and healthy decisions that you have made for yourself including stopping the drugs, going back to your old "new" friends, building your self-esteem etc. It was just awesome to read and it brought a smile to my face :) :yahoo:

Second, as for the urges about stopping SI, I don't really have much to comment on as I have only stopped about two months ago myself and the urges are still there all the time. I will be interested to learn what others have to say though. Congrats in not SI'ing in a long while by the way :2thumbs:

Again...just from your post you sound so much more upbeat and confident and that is wonderful to see.

Great to hear from you again, Cheyenne, don't be a stranger :)
 

David Baxter

Administrator
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Thank you for posting the story of your journey on a new path, Cheyenne. :goodjob:
 

ladylore

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Hi Cheyenne,

I don't think we have met but your post made me smile too. Being in recovery myself I know the challenges that can arise. I am so happy that you have made so many positive changes in your life. :yahoo: Congratulations on all of them. :goodjob:

As for the SI stuff - I see it as the thoughts I still have at times to use/drink - its an old standby that my brain hasn't completely let go of. But as long as SI is stays as a thought it can't hurt you. Its sounds like you are doing a great job at distracting yourself when they arise too.

I love recieving updates and posts like yours (I think we all do). Join in a conversation or two if you would like. It was great to hear from you.

Take care
:)
 

Retired

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Good to hear about your progress, Cheyenne. Thanks for thinking about us and rejoining the Forum.
 
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i am really happy for you that you've made so many positive changes in your life and that you are doing so much better. that is wonderful news :yahoo:

nice to have you back :)
 

Cheyenne

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2006
Messages
56
Points
6
...I still am a horrible procrastinator...
This quote from my first post is most certainly true, unfortunately. To be fair though, I had typed up a response, which was assuredly more thorough than this one will likely be, within a few days of my original post, but either due to human error or a computer crash I lost it. Between that, school at the time, laziness, faltering memory, hospital visits(had broken foot) & court, and generally being kept busy I kept putting off getting back here. Totally my fault, didn't even realize it'd been three whole months :eek:

Thank you all for the kind words, I really appreciate it and I'm glad you enjoyed the update. I'm glad I made the changes I did, I could never imagine that what feels like just small tweaks can make such a difference in one's life. I'll try to stick around here, but as the time between this post and my original shows, I'm definitely not good at it, but I'll try :)

Also, Halo, it's been a fair while since you posted your response, I'm wondering, how's quiting SI going for you at this point?
 

Halo

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Great to see you back Cheyenne :D I definitely hope to see more of you around :2thumbs:

Also, Halo, it's been a fair while since you posted your response, I'm wondering, how's quiting SI going for you at this point?

It has definitely been a struggle at times but I am coming up to 6 months without SI'ing :yahoo:

To be honest I never thought that I could go 6 days let alone 6 months :panic:

Thanks for asking, Cheyenne :D
 

Cheyenne

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2006
Messages
56
Points
6
Great to see you back Cheyenne :D I definitely hope to see more of you around :2thumbs:
Hah, I'll be around but I don't know how much I'd actually be able to contribute outside of just like chat, though.

It has definitely been a struggle at times but I am coming up to 6 months without SI'ing :yahoo:
To be honest I never thought that I could go 6 days let alone 6 months :panic:
Thanks for asking, Cheyenne :D
Awesome! Good for you :yahoo:
Keep it up!
 

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