More threads by Cavi


you know, the "I Love You"...It was never said to me growing up and to this day if I try to even say it to my dog, I choke...Before my mom died, and I was having the emotional seizures so bad that my speech was completely incoherent, my mom left a message on my answering machine and at the end she said "I Love You"...When I heard that part, I started screaming at the answering machine to shut up...

I spiraled down into a ball on the floor crying and screaming for her to shut up...Not one of my finer moments...Can anyone here relate to these words being difficult to say?...Here's something else too..

When I was a baby till I hit my teens, I was a pawn that my grandmother (maternal) used against my mother...GM would tell me bad things about my mom and she would say, you are my girl, not your mothers...Good girls listen to their GM's and you want GM happy right...This made me feel like if I loved mom that it made me bad...And than when I was around mom, she thought nothing about saying something against gm in front of me...

I always felt like I had to choose between the two of them...Than went I hit my teens GM dumped me like a hot potato b/c I wasn't a child anymore...
But my mom took over where GM left off, if someone in the family said something bad about me, mom told me...Including my dad if he said it...

My mom helped fuel the dislike for my sister...I dont care what it was someone said, mom told me....

So heres the problem...I still feel like I have to choose between people, (even tho I have no-one in my life right now) but whats bringing it up now is...In 2 weeks I am getting another sheltie, its a puppy...(I had to send the Golden back cause the breeder decided she wanted her bred when she was old enough and I didn't want to breed and she knew that from the get go and she was more a pain in my neck than she was worth!)...

K is behind this puppy but I agreed to it, she had some valid points concerning Tanner and the pup...How do I love Tanner and the pup both?...
I know when it gets here I'm going to feel like I have to choose between it and Tanner...Tanner is my heart dog but that pup is going to need alot of my attention and I know I'm going to feel divided once again...

That loving them both is not allowed...ok, now I feel stupid...its maing me want to cry.........................RIMH
rimh, i can understand why you feel the way you do, but maybe you can look at this as an opportunity for healing in that area. as an analogy, i remember when i was expecting again, i was worried i wouldn't love the baby as much as my first. (in fact, that's quite a common worry women seem to have.) what i learned though is that there was room for this second child in my heart, and in fact, i loved her just as much as my first. the love i felt was doubled!

there is no finite, reserved space in your heart for love. there is always room for more, whether you have one, two, or many animals (or human beings) to love. you can learn to love this second pup just as much as your first dog. it won't mean you love the first any less. try to accept the new pup, and use this as an opportunity to learn that you don't have to choose. you can have both.


I can definitely relate to those words being hard to say - I've never said them to anyone. My parents never said told me they loved me when I was growing up. It still amazes me when I hear friends ending conversations with their parents with "I love you" - without even thinking about it.

A couple of years ago I had an email exchange with my mum in which I finally told her about the depression, self harm etc, and we talked a bit about stuff that had happened when I was growing up. I commented at one point that I'd never heard her say she loved me. Her reply had me bawling my eyes out for hours - and that was just an email "I love you". Since then she has said it to me in person a couple of times, and I've never yet been able to say it back to her... I just can't get the words out.

Good luck with the puppy. I think ladybug is right - that you'll be able to love both.


Thanks...I really want it to work, so I'll give it my best shot!...

It amazes me on how difficult it is for alot of people to say just those 3 words...Even Friday at the cemetery, I couldn't say them.RIMH
I really agree with Ladybug - the more you have to love the more love you have. I remember when my kids brought home stray dog # 3. I thought, no way (for a lot of reasons) but it took me about 10 minutes and 3 good licks from the precious puppy to fall in love with him. I hope you have a wonderful time with the new little cutie.

You will find a way to love them both, i have 6 budgies and love each one seperately and I love them all together , I use to have 13, everytime a new unwanted one came my way I thought how can i look after and love another but it just happens, my mom use to say she loved me alot, but when she died my father never did, I tryed telling him I loved him but he pushed me away so i stopped saying I love you to people for ages, but Im different now I say it to my friends online and my one and only friend here and also partners when Ive had them and i feel ok saying too, i say i love you to each of my budgies every night before their covers go on:)
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TTE...Aww I love that you talk to your budgies!...I talk to Tanner all the time...For me, even saying sweetie, honey etc makes me choke!...RIMH

Altho I can call Tanner sweetness, thats his nick...
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