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    Harry Palmer, posted by Daniel
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I've been thinking a lot about this and I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell my friends because I'm afriad that it would worry them. Yet it could be dangerous to my heath feeling like this. I feel like I want to die. I really don't want to commit suicide and I feel my friends would worry too much. What should I do?
 

healthbound

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Hi ST.

Do you have a therapist?

I think it's good that you started by bringing it up here.

I found that once I began talking about it, I could start working through how I felt.
 
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hi st, telling us here is a first good step. it's frightening to have those thoughts and it's frightening to tell people close to you as well. i myself didn't want to scare anyone so i kept it to myself. i was in denial for a little while as well. it's good to get it out so i am glad you told us here. keeping it to yourself makes you think about it more and more.

one thing you could do if you have a sympathetic family doctor is to tell him/her for now. they are a little more removed of the situation than your friends would be. if you are seeing a therapist i would most definitely tell him/her. i've spoken to mine about my thoughts and it was hard but it really helped to not carry around the secret.

i hope this helps. talk to us about these thoughts any time, at the very least you have the forum. :hug:
 

Halo

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ST

I have to agree with BBC when she says that talking with us here is a good first step. I know that for me there are some friends that know how I feel when I am depressed and not wanting to be on this earth and then there are others that don't know. For me I have made it a personal choice of who I confide in. Some friends can handle that sort of discussion openly and some can't. Some get too panicked and freaked out and some try to understand the best they can but to be honest with you the best friends that know when I am feeling like that and I need to talk about it are here on this forum because many of them have or are feeling the exact same way and don't judge me, critize me, think less of me or become scared of me. They still accept me for who I am and can understand when I am struggling. There is nothing better for me than to come to a place that I know I am going to be understood and not alone and this forum provides that support that my real friends just can't, not because they don't want to, but because they haven't been there.
 

Halo

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I have really only had one friend that has understood and not panicked and freaked out completely. My family doesn't even understand so at times in my real world it can feel pretty lonely and so therefore I have made the choice of deciding to not sit with my loneliness (as I have in the past) and like I said above, I come to here to a place where I feel understood, heard and accepted for exactly the way I feel and for who I am.

I guess it really depends on how understanding, accepting and knowledgable your friends are about mental illness, depression etc.
 

ThatLady

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This is a good place to come to talk these things out, ST. Not knowing your peer group, there's no way to tell if talking to them would be a good idea, or not. It might be too much for them to understand, or they might understand perfectly. A lot would depend on how much experience they've actually had with depression and its effects.
 

healthbound

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How will I stop myself from feeling like I want to die? Can it come out to be suicide?
I wish I had the answer to those questions. However, I DO know I'm starting to feel a bit "freer" lately because I've been talking more about how I'm really feeling (hmmmmm...I guess talk-therapy really DOES work!!!).

Everytime I talk a bit about what I'm really thinking and feeling, I feel a little freer from the bondage those thoughts and feelings have been keeping me in. I am scared of the power my suicidal ideations have, but find that when I talk about them, the less powerful suicide becomes...and the stronger (or more powerful) I become.

Keep talking and keep telling.
 

Halo

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ST

I don't think that the feelings of wanting to die will stop suddenly or will go away overnight. I do think that with the help of medication and/or therapy they will lessen and the real reasons for the feelings will come to the surface. Once the real feelings and reasons are exposed, then you will be able to work on them with a therapist and it is possible that the overwhelming feelings of wanting to die will subside (at least this is my hope for myself anyway :))

Do you have a therapist that you are seeing who you can discuss these feelings of suicide with?
 

^^Phoenix^^

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How will I stop myself from feeling like I want to die? Can it come out to be suicide?

Every suicide attenpt was a will to die at one point or anoher. Where do yu think you are right now? Do you want death?/So you lookforward to it?/do you simply just wish not to exhist? Where every you are on the level, as has been said, finding someone that can talk to you and that would understand, with out freaking out and making a big fuss over it would be very beneficial. They would also need to know that this isn't a 'phase' or a passing moment, but that you have been feeling it off and on for (your stats (how long you have been))

As far as I know, even with the most 'healthiest' people (I use the term loosly) in the words, have had a thought of rubbing themselves out of a picture. Most of the time, its just a passing thought when they are sad, but if not checked upon it could lead to more instances as the individual gets more and more depressed.
 

David Baxter

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Every suicide attempt was a will to die at one point or another.

Actually, I would disagree. Many attempts reflect a wish to end distress or despair or emotional or physical pain, rather than a wish to die. Indeed, I would say that there are probably more attempts like this than genuine wishes to end life.
 

^^Phoenix^^

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Do you think that even in these cases a will to die hasnt propped up somewhere in the past?
 

David Baxter

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Yes. I have seen many clients who wanted their lives to be better rather than to die - but could not see at the moment any way to make their lives better and for that reason contemplated or attempted suicide. Many of those had never really wanted to die - just not to be hurt or be frightened any more.
 

^^Phoenix^^

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yeah, I guess your right. I was perhaps thinking a little to small when I posted that.
 

ThatLady

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In the majority of cases I come across (most are grief-driven) the people who feel the wish to die don't, for the most part, want to die. They want the pain they're feeling to die and can't figure out how to get it to do so. That's why therapy and medication are so important.
 

Halo

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I know for myself personally when I have had the feeling of wanting to die it is not that I want to be gone from this earth necessarily but it is just as David said, I desperately want not to be hurting and scared anymore and the feelings are so overwhelming that at that moment the only way out of feeling is suicide. As TL said, that is where therapy and a good support system come into play.
 
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Does the fear of the future have an effect? I find myself afraid that I'll fail in life. I've found myself wanting to die because of the pain of life. I don't think I'm at the killing myself stage but the wishing to die stage. I wish there was a clear and simple way out of this.
 
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yes, the fear of the future definitely has an effect. i think what happens is that things will happen that cause you to feel helpless and hopeless, and you think things will never change. you fear that everything will always be as it is today. you fear that nothing will work out.

one way to try and overcome that kind of thinking is to tell yourself that you simply do not know what the future holds. i know my life is not at all what i ever expected it would be. i know there are a lot of things i worry about that very often turn out differently than any possible scenario i manage to come up with in my imagination. life is full of surprises and twists and turns. they need not necessarily be bad surprises, twists or turns though.

i've been there too, seeing only pain in life. i still see it a lot. but i am slowly seeing the beauty and joy in life as well. i know it's hard for you to see. but it really is there. it's just hard when our brains just only pick up on the pain. it's hard to focus on the joy. with help and time you can start to see the good side of life again. if you do not have a therapist at the moment i would highly recommend you find one. he/she will be able to help you and give you the skills to deal with the thoughts that cause you to want to die. also i do not know if you are taking any medication. if not, that may be recommended as well. i would go see your doctor if you have not done so already.
 

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