• Quote of the Day
    "There is no better exercise for your heart than reaching down and helping to lift someone up."
    Bernard Meltzer, posted by HBas

mm

Member
Joined
Mar 26, 2006
Messages
6
Points
1
Hi everyone,

I was wondering, could anybody point me to any resources on social competence - social intelligence? I am trying to find some self-help materials because I cannot afford psychotherapy or counseling, but I do feel I need help in this area. It is amazing how we can be equipped with many other skills, but regardless of them, if we lack this particular one, the effect is pervasive in the entire domains of life?I guess it has much to do with ?social beings? , ? system? and ?images . This last one is related to one of my personal concerns: if some people are so unwilling/ insecure that they need you to show/tell them what you are instead of trusting their own judgment, and if I am not presenting myself as having a specific quality, then they may just assume I do not have it?I am not sure about this one, but I have witnessed the opposite as being true many times- people present themselves in a certain way, and although they are not, their peers perceive them according to the presented image. Sad, if you do not have this skill.

Thank you,
Mm
 

Retired

Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2005
Messages
8,964
Points
36
Hello Mm and welcome to Psychlinks. You are welcome to pursue your query on this very interesting topic right here. Others will surely be able to provide their insights into your situation.

Are your concerns in social situations or in work related situations?

Looking forward to your further comments.
 

mm

Member
Joined
Mar 26, 2006
Messages
6
Points
1
Hi TSOW,

Thank you for your prompt reply. My concerns are related rather to work environments. Although I have experienced this problem in social settings too, I am more concerned with and I struggle more in work related situations. I am at a point in my life when work is very important as I am building my career, and I am trying to adjust myself at a new cultural and challenging professional context. Although “cultural” may have had a buzz effect, I would like to leave, if possible, this concept aside for the moment. I know that culture is one of the factors that define any context, but I do believe that in my situation I am not experiencing a cultural barrier, but a personal… lack of skills (I was almost on the point to use the word “incapacity”).

mm
 

ladylore

Account Closed
Joined
Jul 7, 2007
Messages
3,855
Points
0
Hi MM,

Not sure where you live but if you look under couselling agencies like Family Services. There is usually at least one agency in a community that will provide free counselling for those of us that can't afford it.
 

rosedragon

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2008
Messages
89
Points
6
It is amazing how we can be equipped with many other skills, but regardless of them, if we lack this particular one, the effect is pervasive in the entire domains of life

Agree, but I think there still be some rare occupations in life which don't need high social skills. Such as computer-related (like they had put paradigm that programmers are weirdo, they won't bother to complain programmers' actions)and writing. But you need to be really competent, had examples of your competency, and eager to spread your CV to everywhere. I believe there still be way to life happy without social skills XD.
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
38,351
Points
113
You make a good point, rosedragon. Sometimes, the solution can be finding a social context in which your personality traits are an advantage, or at least not a liability. In my experience, many programmers are ADHD - they use the ability to hyperfocus that often comes with ADHD to advantage in their work, and, because they have many traits in common with their coworkers, they fit right in.
 

Daniel

Forum Supporter
MVP
Joined
Aug 5, 2004
Messages
21,620
Points
113
David Baxter said:
In my experience, many programmers are ADHD - they use the ability to hyperfocus that often comes with ADHD to advantage in their work, and, because they have many traits in common with their coworkers, they fit right in.

That makes a lot of sense. I know of one software developer that is described by himself and others as having ADHD-like traits. He's very, very successful.
 

HotthenCold

Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2007
Messages
206
Points
16
Hi everyone,

This last one is related to one of my personal concerns: if some people are so unwilling/ insecure that they need you to show/tell them what you are instead of trusting their own judgment, and if I am not presenting myself as having a specific quality, then they may just assume I do not have it?I am not sure about this one, but I have witnessed the opposite as being true many times- people present themselves in a certain way, and although they are not, their peers perceive them according to the presented image. Sad, if you do not have this skill.

Thank you,
Mm


I see what you mean here. It seem's like a ton (majority?) of people I know who I would classfiy as very sociable, and very outgoing seem to have a need to make their personality, and social status known, as well as know that information about everyone else. They can't just trust their judgement or try and take a broader view of the situation and maybe realize that the only reason image is important is because people give it that importance.....It's odd because to me it's so obvious that if someone must always be announcing their achievements and "obvious" social standing then theri just insecure....I get annoyed by nattering, chest pounding people but they seem to be the majority so I guess it's best for people like us to learn how to communicate with them huh?
 

Top Bottom