Terrified

[Ashley-Kate]

i was sent to the hospital today by my psychologist - he was worried that i wasn't safe to be alone. He was right, I went to an appointment yesterday for a crisis treatment program and it went horribly. I was told that they didn't know how to help me and that they would have to think about if they are the proper people to help me. I took it pretty bad and am taking it bad feeling like i am some lost cause. I managed to convince the psychiatrist at the hospital that i was safe enough to go home by pretty much lying and trying to get out of a psychiatric hospitalization. I called a phone line for a crisis center about an hour ago spoke to someone for 30 minutes and i still feel so overwhelmed and so discouraged. I find it unfair how the Dr. and psychologist all tell me not to give up but they are all doing it saying things like ah it's not very clear, not very easy to help me, when they don't even realize that i am living this. It's me in my head and they think its hard for them.. really. I am trying to hang in there but i feel like it's for nothing cause no one will ever be able to help me.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Ashley, hang in there. The only thing that can truly defeat you is giving up.

You have been through this before, trying to find the right programs to help you, and eventually you were successful in finding therapists and programs that did help. You did it then, you can do it again. But if you think back a couple of years, you'll remember that it took time then and it may take time now. Of course, while the process continues, it's you suffering, but it was also you suffering the last time around. You succeeded then because you didn't give up. You persevered no matter how bad it got.

You need to do the same things now that you did before. You have courage and strength beyond your years. I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment but it's true nonetheless.

 

[adaptive1]

Don't give up Ashley, you are worth fighting for. I wish I knew how to help you or make you feel better, from your posts over the years I know you have been through a lot. Dont let anyone make you believe that you can not be helped, you are an amazing strong woman and you can be helped and you deserve to be.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

thanks funny how your messages are making me cry cause i soo dont want people to believe in me anymore it seems like such a burden

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Not a burden at all. Look how far you've come, Ashley. Now you have to go a little further, like Frodo in Lord of the Rings. A lot of it is not fun but the end of the journey is worth the struggle.

 

[forgetmenot]

I know it hurts when they say things like that but you donot want to get into a program that does not have the skills to help you. You deserve better then that okay The right program is out there I hope you and your doctor can work together on finding it Perhaps the hospital stay would be a safe place just temporary until you find the right program for you. Keep posting okay it helps to let the pain out some here and we will be here to support you until you get the program you need as well hugs

 

[Retired]

Ashley,

Is your boyfriend still available to be with you when you are feeling this way?

 

[desiderata]

I view doctors similiar to a mechanic; sometimes they don't know the problem until the muffler falls off. You know something isn't right and you go back to try to fix the problem before it gets to a critical stage. Doctors are only human and many people believe they are all-knowing. No disrespect towards doctors. There is gonna be someone who has had a case similiar to yours and diagnose the problem effectively. It may be up to you to find that person through a little research and reaching out. Hopefully you can make some contact with someone who can lead you in the right direction.
Good luck and remember to breathe.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

my boyfriend has been supportive but i have spent the last 2 weeks away from him to give him some time off because its hard on him emotionnaly seeings how i am crying all the time and he doesn't realy understand what the dperession is from and well doesn't really want to know to much about me history so i needed time away as well to avoid burdening him as well as exhausting him