• Quote of the Day
    "Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers."
    Veronica A. Shoffstall, After a While (1971), posted by David Baxter

Daniel

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Recommended reading/viewing:

 

Daniel

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A 2014 Cochrane review found that telephone counseling can reduce symptoms of depression for caregivers and address other important caregiver needs.

Services that may be helpful to caregivers include:
  • health services in the home
  • companion or chore services
  • day care centers for adults
  • respite care, time out at nursing homes, or assisted living facilities
  • counseling
  • legal advice
  • money management
  • support groups
  • psychotherapeutic programs
  • educational program
 

Daniel

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If you have a hothead family member, try to guide him or her toward developing better coping skills or contributing to caregiving in ways that require less time in the home such as scheduling, running errands or driving to doctors’ appointments.
 

Daniel

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Daniel

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So much of the labor — and struggle — associated with caregiving goes unnoticed, unappreciated, and underdiscussed. There’s a whole host of reasons for that, mostly the fact that family caregiving is largely performed by women in the home and thus discounted as labor; when it is paid, it’s almost entirely performed by women of color, particularly immigrant women, and socially devalued. Then there’s the fact that most Americans are also terrified of death and the dying process and horrible at talking openly with others about the realities of aging.
 

Daniel

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These two currents of labor devaluation — of women’s work and of racialized work — converge in caregiving. The systemic undervaluing of this labor affects those providing unpaid and paid care differently, but the impacts are interlocking.
 

Daniel

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I decided that although I can't force her into assisted living or a nursing home, I don't have to be the full time caregiver anymore. I plan to tell her what I am willing to help her with and anything beyond that SHE will have to be the adult and figure it out. I will no longer be at her 24/7 beck and call. I will no longer put my husband and children on the back burner. I have given up over 2 years of my life to be her servant and I am no longer willing or able to do that. If she wants to stay in her home, there are agencies she can call for the assistance she needs.

I have read so many stories similar to mine and I hope this gives some the ability to separate love and servitude...I'm not going to do the 24/7 for the next 10 years. I am not going to feel guilty or get sucked in to her guilt trips anymore. I am done with the anger, the tantrums and the constant need for attention.
 

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