Ashley-Kate
MVP
Smile, look pretty, don't forget too put my make-up on, smile again, "how are you doing" "great" lie.... smile again....
For the past 2 months i would say i have been a robot fallowing the rules in my head to avoid conversation human contact pity, or even care from anyone, I can't take it anymore i can't take the words, it' will be okay, or stay strong or there is still hope.. I know a criteria for depression and suicidality is exactly that the feeling there is no solution yet i am also very realistic without trying to deny the hole depression causes me to feel helpless i can't stress this enough... there is none.
My doctor informed me last week during my weekly appointment that he can't help me anymore.. hes about the 8th family or general Dr. in my life that has given up on me. My psychologist is looking into another treatment option possible for me to transfer me as well i don't even remember how many transfers happened with psychologist, my depression worsens i lose the therapy my e-d worsens i loose the therapy again. .. he hasn't found anything yet.. there is no program in Montreal that treats both eating disorders and depression with anxiety and PTSD anything with eating disorders is basically specialized in only eating disorders and as soon as another disorder is present they transfer you therefore losing the eating disorder treatment. I have been in the treatments and i have looked into everything in Montreal that exists. How is it that i am supposed to believe when they don't believe anymore..
they just don't want my life in their hands when i can't take it anymore. they are panicking and all transferring me because they see time is running out. And the more people drop me the more i lose hope. People see E-D for over 14 years , then they seem OCD with sever anxiety, PTSD, Depression and self injury, they have basically already decided helpless. I have been unable to work for the past 6 months at least. i am tired and i want to be able to transfer myself out of this all everyone else can do it.. i am sick of it all... i see my shrink next week like every week i will be there on time but the thing is i just hate it all i hate breathing living everything. i wish people could see how much pain this is and let me go.
For the past 2 months i would say i have been a robot fallowing the rules in my head to avoid conversation human contact pity, or even care from anyone, I can't take it anymore i can't take the words, it' will be okay, or stay strong or there is still hope.. I know a criteria for depression and suicidality is exactly that the feeling there is no solution yet i am also very realistic without trying to deny the hole depression causes me to feel helpless i can't stress this enough... there is none.
My doctor informed me last week during my weekly appointment that he can't help me anymore.. hes about the 8th family or general Dr. in my life that has given up on me. My psychologist is looking into another treatment option possible for me to transfer me as well i don't even remember how many transfers happened with psychologist, my depression worsens i lose the therapy my e-d worsens i loose the therapy again. .. he hasn't found anything yet.. there is no program in Montreal that treats both eating disorders and depression with anxiety and PTSD anything with eating disorders is basically specialized in only eating disorders and as soon as another disorder is present they transfer you therefore losing the eating disorder treatment. I have been in the treatments and i have looked into everything in Montreal that exists. How is it that i am supposed to believe when they don't believe anymore..
they just don't want my life in their hands when i can't take it anymore. they are panicking and all transferring me because they see time is running out. And the more people drop me the more i lose hope. People see E-D for over 14 years , then they seem OCD with sever anxiety, PTSD, Depression and self injury, they have basically already decided helpless. I have been unable to work for the past 6 months at least. i am tired and i want to be able to transfer myself out of this all everyone else can do it.. i am sick of it all... i see my shrink next week like every week i will be there on time but the thing is i just hate it all i hate breathing living everything. i wish people could see how much pain this is and let me go.
