Therapy Makes Everything Worse

[GDPR]

I have been in therapy a little over 2 years.There's been alot of sessions where I have had those 'AHA" moments. But...there's been many more times that I have started feeling really horrible a couple/few days later. And those are the ones I don't like at all. I spend the rest of the week feeling like crap. Whatever I talk about stays with me and is all I think about and I'm either depressed or mad or something. Alot of times it's like re-living the things that have happened. If I talk about something shameful, that's how I feel the rest of the week, if I talk about something that made me feel worthless, I feel that way,etc.

I don't expect therapy to be fun. And I have heard that it gets worse before it gets better, but what am I supposed to do until it does get better? I'm tried of feeling the way I do and I think about quitting if this is how I'm going to feel all the time.

I want to just shove everything back deep down inside and try to forget about it and go on with my life. But now, after talking about it all for the past 2 years,I don't think that's possible. I feel so much worse than I did before starting therapy, and I do want to feel/.get better, but right now I feel stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I feel like enough is enough, like I can't do it anymore. Yet on the other hand, I can't just quit and leave all these wounds open and let them fester.

What am I supposed to do?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Have you talked to your therapist about this?

 

[forgetmenot]

It is hard when you are dealing with such trauma Noone wants to go back hun but as you have said the wounds are open now and for them to heal you have to continue with treatment or else they will just fester up and get worse right. Your t herapist needs to know how you are feeling after your sessions so he or she can maybe use a different approach to talking to you about things. Maybe closure at the end of each session needs to be more on bringing you back to here and now The thing is your therapist needs to hear that you are being left stuck with all those thoughts and emotions hun
It get hard and i know it is very exhausting and painful at times but you worth the fight hun you are hugs

 

[GDPR]

I've tried to talk to my therapist about it. He just keeps telling me how good I'm doing and stuff like that. I don't think he really gets it though.

 

[forgetmenot]

Unless he has gone through what you have gone through he won't get it fully how could your T understand the dept of the sadness and pain you are feeling. Your T can emphasize can be there to hear you to give support but he cannot feel what you are feeling. As long as you keep making him aware the sessions are triggering you back and that you are staying back there after session then he needs to work on closing your session with y ou feeling good about YOU hun i do understand because i feel sadness for awhile after too i think that is normal it is fresh in your mind now not buried deep Your therapist will not give YOU coping skills breathing skills to deal with sadness until you see him next. I hope that makes sense if you are not dealing well then perhaps medication with therapy is a way to help

 

[GDPR]

I recently told him I wanted to start going every other week instead of each week. I skipped a week and went this week, but I'm supposed to go again next week. I didn't speak up and tell him that I don't want to go every week because I already told him that. Maybe I should have spoke up, I don't know why I didn't. Sometimes he seems disappointed or something when I talk about not wanting to go anymore. Or when I have mentioned going every other week in the past. I feel like it's what he wants me to do. So I do.

Now that I just wrote that, I'm thinking "something's wrong with this". I shouldn't be going each week because I feel an obligation to. And why do I feel obligated in the first place?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

I highly doubt that he really gets disappointed when I talk about not going back or only going every other week. I'm sure that's just some messed up thinking on my part. I don't know why I think/feel that way though.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It may be less that he's disappointed and more that he's concerned. If you struggle between sessions as it is, he may well be worried about you trying to go 2 weeks without help.

...and he could be right.

 

[GDPR]

So you think I may be sensing concern and not disappointment? I hadn't thought of that.

I asked him once if I was heading towards a complete breakdown and he said that's what he's trying to prevent. So you could be right.

It's just so hard sometimes. And it gets harder each week. I have to force myself to go. And it sucks.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Given what you've said here that would be my concern.

 

[GDPR]

So, are you saying I seem/sound as if I'm on the verge of a breakdown?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

No. I'm saying I would be concerned about you going two weeks if you are already struggling with a week between appointments.

 

[GDPR]

Oh.I misunderstood.

But I'm thinking it's the therapy that's causing me to struggle so much. So if I continue to go weekly, won't it just cause more?

 

[forgetmenot]

IT seems that you need to be having the support each week as every other week is too long for you Only you know if you are on a very of a breakdown and if you feel that way perhaps you need to see your therapist even more often. I know at the beginning i went every week now i go every 2 weeks and i still find if i go pass those 2 weeks i just do not function well. You therapist would never be dissappointed in you he is not there to judge you only to help you. hugs

 

[GDPR]

I have really been thinking about this. And I think I'm going to call and cancel my appointment for next week. And I don't think I'm going to reschedule. I think it will help.

 

[forgetmenot]

Just talk to your therapist hun canceling appt that is not going to heal you if you do not want to go in to deep each session tell therapist you are being triggered toomuch
Work with your therapist hun not against ok running from therapy what will that do it won't solve underlying issues

 

[GDPR]

As of right now, I do plan on going to therapy next week. I don't want to, but I guess I will.

 

[forgetmenot]

That is good hun you don't want to not go and then find out you are not coping and have to wait another week to get help.

 

[GDPR]

I'm actually feeling during sessions now, whereas before I was just numb or I would dissociate. I actually cry in there, and I'm just not used to feeling. And it's really hard.

But, my T has told me the bad thing about not feeling is I miss out on the good things in life too. That I don't allow myself to feel anything,good or bad. Sometimes crying feels good, like a cleansing or something, but not when it's in front of someone. It makes me feel too vulnerable.

 

[forgetmenot]

emotions i have been told are needed i find they do make one vulnerable as well. I think releasing your emotions in safety of therapist room is ok though like you say it brings some healing inside in that it is released finally the pain.
YOur therapist sound so caring hun I hope you continue to feel so you can enjoy the happier times

 

[GDPR]

Well I did go to therapy this week. And, as usual, I'm feeling pretty crappy.

I did talk about how I feel after sessions with my therapist. He said the way I feel is to be expected when working on traumas. He kind of acted like this is a good thing, not bad.

I guess I will keep going. But, I'm wondering when it's supposed to get easier. Because I think this is the hardest thing I have ever done.