• Quote of the Day
    "You are much deeper, much broader, much brighter than any idea you could have of yourself."
    Harry Palmer, posted by Daniel

Thelostchild

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I just realized what I fear besides snakes, I fear the denstist office..
 

ThatLady

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Me, too! I think that's the only true phobia I have left! I used to fear spiders, but I've gotten to where I can handle those without total paralysis. Dentists are a whole different animal, however. I still freeze at the very thought of one! :(
 

stargazer

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What I've feared and haven't feared has varied throughout my life, but one thing I've noticed is that if I confront a situation where I typically have fear, and I go through it without bailing out on it, I become stronger. What I feel afterwards is not only a sense of relief, but a feeling that I've done the right thing, and that I've grown from it. Then, the next time I have to face a similarly scary situation, I'm not quite as scared, because I've learned that within me lies the power to face it, and to overcome it.
 

Halo

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Stargazer,

I think that it is great that you are able to confront your fears and work through them. I would love to be able to do that someday but most of my fears are internal things not external.

Congrats. :goodjob:
Nancy
 

stargazer

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Not exactly sure how to differentiate internal from external (sources of fear) but I would guess that the same principle would apply to internal fears. Wouldn't it?
 

Halo

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I guess what I was trying to say was that I normally don't have fears of external things say like heights, bugs, small spaces etc. but I do have internal fears like sounding stupid, acting stupid, looking stupid....do you see a theme here. I also have fears of not being good enough...etc...etc. You get the picture. Anyway I guess there really is no difference in the source of the fear it is just the fear itself. Okay so now that I understand, I guess I probably posted a little too premature instead of thinking about the difference... can you explain to me a little how you overcame those fears, if you don't mind. If you would prefer to PM me that is good too.

Thanks
Nancy
 

stargazer

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OK now I understand. You're referring to fears of "sounding stupid," putting your foot in your mouth, looking dumb or out-of-place, doing dorky things, etc. I think you're talking more along the lines of a social phobia, as opposed to the fear of the dentist, the operating table, the ride at the amusement park, and so forth. Let me think about this for a while. It's an interesting subject. There really *is* a difference between confronting the external source of fear and the fear whose source is entirely internal, because when I confront the "external fear," the evidence in my having conquered it lies in the tangible experience of having survived the event.

In the case of the "internal" fear, since these involve the concern over how you are being viewed by others (i.e., those in your social situations whose judgments concern you), it would be harder to develop a sense of "victory" over the fear, because a lot of your feeling of sounding stupid, acting stupid, looking dumb, etc., is based on your own self-image, your assessment of how you are coming across.

People in general will not say anything. They're not going to say, "That was stupid of you, Nancy!" And on the other hand, they're not going to say, "How cool you are!!" They might compliment you on your clothing, or the like, but there is no way that the people around you can possibly address all the sources of your internal fears, of which they are completely unaware. And it would be awkward to elicit a response from them--you might not even believe them, if what they say seems to be the result of their having been put on the spot.

My guess is that you are a person who needs to learn how to let go completely of the impressions you think others have of you. It takes practice, and a full and dedicated belief that what other people think of you is completely irrelevant to the person whom you truly are. Then you will be able to dress however you choose, say whatever you want, be silent when it suits you, or vocal as you choose, and simply be yourself in all situations.

But this is only a guess. It took me most of my lifetime to learn that how I was coming across, or how I thought I was coming across, was acceptable. In other words, despite all my quirks, I'm fine. And I'm sure you are too.
 
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a full and dedicated belief that what other people think of you is completely irrelevant to the person whom you truly are.

wow, I like that. because we can't really control what other people think of us.
 

stargazer

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Right. We can't control their thoughts about us, so why dwell on them? We can only control our own thoughts, actions, and reactions. That's what defines who we are--not what others might be thinking about us.
 
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Very true. It's something we need to remind ourselves of every single day, maybe even every single hour.
 

Holly

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That is so true Janet, Stargazer,
I am not as afraid of the dentist, but I being seriously here, I was afraid of jeans/clothes with zippers after the assault.
Every time I heard the sound of a zipper, in anything I was so scared!!
I did get help, worked for zippers not the dentist as much!
LOL :D ;)
 

Halo

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Hi All,

stargazer said:
It takes practice, and a full and dedicated belief that what other people think of you is completely irrelevant to the person whom you truly are.

Stargazer I have to admit that I just loved what you said. It made a lot of sense to me yet I don't know if I will ever be at that point to fully accept myself. I have been trying and despite all my efforts it still hasn't happened (although today is optimistic day...so I still hold out hope).

stargazer said:
In the case of the "internal" fear, since these involve the concern over how you are being viewed by others (i.e., those in your social situations whose judgments concern you), it would be harder to develop a sense of "victory" over the fear, because a lot of your feeling of sounding stupid, acting stupid, looking dumb, etc., is based on your own self-image, your assessment of how you are coming across.

I completely agree with your statement above but I really do think that it is more about me not accepting who I am and not liking myself and therefore I think all the stupids come from inside me and my past experiences. I do have to admit that I wished my fears were external instead of internal as I think that it would be easier (for me anyway) to deal with.

I do think that this topic of fear is a good one that can invoke some good responses from people. Thanks to TLC for starting it.

Take Care and thanks for your insightful responses Stargazer.
Nancy
 

Heather

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I have a few fears still but I have managed to get rid of a lot of fears mainly by confronting them, but having said that ones that have a reason (as in they have come from somewhere are a lot harder), for example I was in a bad car accident and so now I fear driving, well I have tried to drive and face this fear but I go into a panic when I do! However fears such as when I used to be afraid of mirrors (I don't mean because of looking at myself I mean the actual mirror :red:) I don't believe came from anywhere. I have overcome that fear btw.

I guess what I am trying to say that I definately think that sometimes understanding where the fear has come from (if this is possible) is half of overcoming it!

Heather...
 
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That's true, Mia. I think I would be more worried about someone who liked going to the dentist.

I'm afraid of snakes. I am really afraid of going through tunnels and under bridges. I'm afraid of the ocean. I like looking at it, but it scares me too. I'm a horrible swimmer. And I'm afraid of the dark. I know I'm too old to be afraid of the dark. LOL.
 

Holly

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Hi Janet,
Do not worry about me going to the dentist! :) ;) :D
I am only WEIRD with Doc about MY HOCKEY TEAM THE WEST IS THE BEST! 8) :yikes:
 
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Ohh, oops. LOL.

Hmm, how about "the dentist is my friend." Yes. Just say it over and over. :yikes:
 

Holly

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LOL How about convincing Doc the West is the Best Hockey Team! :yikes: :rolleyes:
Are we have his teeth pulled by my dentist! :p
 

ThatLady

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One of two things is true:

Either dentists were spiders in their former lives, or vice versa. I'm convinced of it. :yikes:
 

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