tired of coping. nothing seems to be working. i'm down on myself for the things i've been working on and have not been able to accomplish. woke up last night around 2 am and had the hardest time falling asleep again. negative thoughts kept me from being able to relax and sleep. thoughts like how i'm not ever going to be able to change, or be able to do the things i want to do because i'm so darned shy or lazy or whatever else.
a week ago i saw the movie "what the bleep do we know" and something stuck with me about thoughts and what they do to us. they said there is a connection between thoughts and chemicals in our brain. and when we are depressed or have any other feeling, our body produces a certain kind of chemical and if we feel it often enough we become addicted to that chemical and it's hard for us to change. that gave me some hope because i am fighting myself most of the time and that gave me at least some explanation on why it's so darn hard to change.
so last night when i was laying on my bed, tossing and turning, i tried to change my thoughts. i blurt out the word "stop" and tried to think of positive things in my life. it didn't work. i was scared. sometimes i think the more spiritual i feel the less i feel a part of the world i live in. and that is also scary. i ended up praying the our father over and over just so i could relax and not think of anything else. i moved over to the other side of the bed and then i was able to fall asleep. it was a strange experience. and i wondered if i'm going crazy in a way.
new age literature is interesting and in a way it helps me to understand and accept, mostly myself and others. it is kind and gentle and i am that way so it fits with me. but sometimes it makes me feel that i don't fit in this world. i have a need to feel like i belong. and i don't have that feeling. sometimes it makes me feel very alone. turning to the new age stuff (everything is connected) is comforting.
i don't know what my question is. i guess i'm wondering if other people feel this way too.
a week ago i saw the movie "what the bleep do we know" and something stuck with me about thoughts and what they do to us. they said there is a connection between thoughts and chemicals in our brain. and when we are depressed or have any other feeling, our body produces a certain kind of chemical and if we feel it often enough we become addicted to that chemical and it's hard for us to change. that gave me some hope because i am fighting myself most of the time and that gave me at least some explanation on why it's so darn hard to change.
so last night when i was laying on my bed, tossing and turning, i tried to change my thoughts. i blurt out the word "stop" and tried to think of positive things in my life. it didn't work. i was scared. sometimes i think the more spiritual i feel the less i feel a part of the world i live in. and that is also scary. i ended up praying the our father over and over just so i could relax and not think of anything else. i moved over to the other side of the bed and then i was able to fall asleep. it was a strange experience. and i wondered if i'm going crazy in a way.
new age literature is interesting and in a way it helps me to understand and accept, mostly myself and others. it is kind and gentle and i am that way so it fits with me. but sometimes it makes me feel that i don't fit in this world. i have a need to feel like i belong. and i don't have that feeling. sometimes it makes me feel very alone. turning to the new age stuff (everything is connected) is comforting.
i don't know what my question is. i guess i'm wondering if other people feel this way too.