• Quote of the Day
    "The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well."
    Alfred Adler, posted by David Baxter

hugsy

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tired of coping. nothing seems to be working. i'm down on myself for the things i've been working on and have not been able to accomplish. woke up last night around 2 am and had the hardest time falling asleep again. negative thoughts kept me from being able to relax and sleep. thoughts like how i'm not ever going to be able to change, or be able to do the things i want to do because i'm so darned shy or lazy or whatever else.

a week ago i saw the movie "what the bleep do we know" and something stuck with me about thoughts and what they do to us. they said there is a connection between thoughts and chemicals in our brain. and when we are depressed or have any other feeling, our body produces a certain kind of chemical and if we feel it often enough we become addicted to that chemical and it's hard for us to change. that gave me some hope because i am fighting myself most of the time and that gave me at least some explanation on why it's so darn hard to change.

so last night when i was laying on my bed, tossing and turning, i tried to change my thoughts. i blurt out the word "stop" and tried to think of positive things in my life. it didn't work. i was scared. sometimes i think the more spiritual i feel the less i feel a part of the world i live in. and that is also scary. i ended up praying the our father over and over just so i could relax and not think of anything else. i moved over to the other side of the bed and then i was able to fall asleep. it was a strange experience. and i wondered if i'm going crazy in a way.

new age literature is interesting and in a way it helps me to understand and accept, mostly myself and others. it is kind and gentle and i am that way so it fits with me. but sometimes it makes me feel that i don't fit in this world. i have a need to feel like i belong. and i don't have that feeling. sometimes it makes me feel very alone. turning to the new age stuff (everything is connected) is comforting.

i don't know what my question is. i guess i'm wondering if other people feel this way too.
 

David Baxter

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hugsy

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thanks, David. relief with a capital R!!!
i do worry that sometimes i am unbalanced.
i'll do the reading.
thank you.
 

ThatLady

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Aww, hugsy! Today's world isn't an easy place for a sensitive, caring person to get along. Many things we see or hear about from day to day are difficult to deal with if you take life seriously and care what happens to others. That doesn't mean you're crazy, hon. It just means you're a decent human being. Kind and gentle people really do fit in. It's the creeps that don't, luv.

As for feeling down about yourself because you haven't been able to accomplish all your goals, that's normal, too. We all tend to beat ourselves up for what we see as our "failures" when, really, these aren't failures at all. They're learning experiences that allow us to progress toward our goals; albeit, a bit more slowly than we might like.

It's not easy to learn not to dwell on what we haven't done while honoring what we HAVE been able to accomplish. Often, we need help to learn how to do it. That doesn't mean we're unbalanced. It just means we haven't quite learned the tricks to positive thinking yet. Sometimes, we need the help of a professional to teach us how to do this. The articles David suggested will help. Then, if you still find yourself floudering around in negativity, you might want to consider seeing a therapist for a few sessions to help you put things in perspective and continue your journey toward the very best life for you. :)
 

hugsy

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thank you thatlady. i am seeing a therapist. it does help.
you are always so sweet. i'm grateful.
 

hugsy

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i guess if so much has been written about these things, i am not alone.
 

ThatLady

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Heck, no! You're not alone! We always seem to think we're the only ones who feel the way we do. Isn't it great to find out that others feel exactly the same way? ;)
 

kaht

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Hugsy, most of your post may just as well have been written by me...that's how much I identify with what you're feeling right now! Like you, I am working on my overwhelming need to belong, which is made difficult by 'shyness', a severe mistrust of people, and the feeling that I'm an outsider who is too different and disconnected to fit in. Recently I've been really beating up on myself mentally because I place all these expectations on where I should be in my progress; on who I should be as a person. (Eunoia and Allegro had some very insightful comments on shoulds which you might want to check out in the suicide forum under "join the dots and colour me in").

As my best friend says, "It takes all sorts to make licorice!" :) Thatlady pointed out very beautifully that there is a place in the world for people like us and that we need to recognise our baby steps on the road to personal growth and foster an attitude of patience, gentleness and acceptance towards ourselves. Mahatma Gandhi once so wisely said, "We must be the change we want to see in the world". Our values and way of being may not always match what we encounter outside of ourselves, but changing the world for the good of all starts with an internal change.

"What the bleep do we know?!" is my top movie for 2005. I'm spreading its profound message to my closest friends and family by giving everyone the dvd for xmas! Maybe you could adopt the strategy they talked about of starting your day by visualising the way you want it to be; the things you want the universe to bring your way?! Like most learning experiences, it might take perseverance. Check out the website for lots of resources if you want more of the same from the movie: http://whatthebleep.com/. I plan to consciously affect my reality in positive directions from now. For too long I've 'successfully' affected it with negativity; so I know the opposite must be possible and is definitely more desirable.

I applaud your awareness, your gentleness and kindness Hugsy and I want you to know that you're sooo not alone. :)
 

hugsy

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when i read things like this, it makes me feel like i've found a long lost sister or brother. sometimes i feel as if i'm searching for my family. my family being...people who are like me, whom i can understand and feel that they understand me, that i can say we are on the same page. it would be nice if we all found each other and shared what we have to share.

thank you kaht. i did read "join the dots and colour me in". i can certainly relate to the "shoulding". i forget who said it and the exact words, but it stuck with me...tendency to sort the trees and not enjoy the forest. that is me too.

if someone in australia feels the same as someone in florida, that says something. it's not about culture, or place, or country, or upbringing. it's about being human. why do i keep forgetting this? thanks for the reminder. :)
 

kaht

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when i read things like this, it makes me feel like i've found a long lost sister or brother. sometimes i feel as if i'm searching for my family. my family being...people who are like me, whom i can understand and feel that they understand me, that i can say we are on the same page. it would be nice if we all found each other and shared what we have to share.

Connecting with another soul is an incredibly good feeling! :) I think it's the most validating and fulfilling of all human experiences. I've spent a long time 'running' from my real family and, like you, looking for the 'family' in whose safe embrace I really belong. I have a theory that people are born belonging to one of several different clans that have nothing to do with genetics or location. When someone encounters others of their clan, they feel more understood, accepted and 'at home' than with people outside of that clan.

This is something that has finally happened for me and your clan is out there too hugsy. It's definitely not something that can be contained by arbitrary divisions on a map or different cultural practices. We named our clan Universal to reflect that fact. The part that confounds me is why, when I have people in my life who sincerely accept me for me, do I put so much pressure on myself to be different; to be more sociable, expressive, funny, extroverted...?!

why do i keep forgetting this?
...Could be some of that can't see the forest for the trees at work. Seeing the bigger picture isn't something we're all able to do; but an eye for detail is something the 'other half' often lack. Guess the trick is not to get lost in the details and to strike a balance between the two. The Taoists were really onto something with the concept of Yin and Yang...but look at me: waxing so philosophical I'm going to melt myself onto this chair like a candle to a saucer in a minute ;)
 

hugsy

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hi kaht, you sound so much like me!!! i have been putting the same kind of pressure on myself...to be more sociable, expressive, extroverted, etc. i keep forgetting to just be me and accept myself. i don't know about you but i get to the point where i'm all wound up and feel stressed and only after talking about it to someone else do i realize i'm doing it again.

i'm glad you have found your universal family. that sounds really good. i'm looking for mine. more like keeping my eyes open so that i recognize them.

if you liked what the bleep do we know, you might also like i heart huckabees. and lately i've been reading Paulo Coelho (brazilian author who's books have been translated into many languages). his books touch something deep inside of me. he's a soulful man. have you heard of him?
 

kaht

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Hiya hugsy :) ox.
i don't know about you but i get to the point where i'm all wound up and feel stressed and only after talking about it to someone else do i realize i'm doing it again.

Yeah, this is me too. I'm way more critical of myself than anyone else. Sometimes it feels like I'm pre-empting others' reactions to me. Like, if I make myself out to be eccentric/socially awkward/a bore etc in my own mind then anything else people throw at me will just be confirmation of what I already think of myself rather than something they're pointing out to me for the first time. I'm only just learning that I treat my friends like royalty and myself like scum. How does that work?! It's a double standard and my aim for 2006 is to learn to be gentler to myself...to become my own best friend.

more like keeping my eyes open so that i recognize them.
This is so true!! I don't know about you, but I spent a whole decade of my life living inside my head. When I did pass through the world it was with my eyes looking down at the pavement, avoiding the gaze of any passers-by, avoiding potentially anxiety-raising interactions. What I was losing out on though was growth opportunities. I make the effort now to look up and engage all my senses; to try and be aware and to venture outside of myself and engage others once in a while. It really is starting to get easier and my life is so much richer when I take the risk of revealing myself (slowly) to others.

I've read "The Alchemist" and The Valkyries" by Paulo Coelho and loved them!! I'll rent 'i heart huckabees' now that you've given me the heads up about it...thanks! Have you read Dan Millman's "Way of the Peaceful Warrior"? It's in the same vein as Coelho's work and has made a lasting impression on me.
 
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