What course of action?

[jeffrey]

Hi,
Recently i have met a woman at the gymnasium,we connect and there is a spark,we find it really easy to talk to each other and smile continuously.

I have no children and would like to have some but i believe it not to be absolutely a must,she on the other hand has a boy of 12 and wishes not to have any more.

This woman has told me that she is tired of clubbing and really wants a more fulfilling life...So far she has been blowing hot and cold as far as i`m concerned.

I have been badly hurt by love before but i find my heart is open and i`m willing to try again,even if it means not having children,i would rather be happy with someone than to forsake it for children.

I believe this woman likes me more than she would admit for she has told me that she is totally confused,has been really hurt by commiting to someone before and couldn`t bear the thought of me not having children because of her.

She knows in her heart that finding the perfect man of her dreams is probably never going to materialise,that leading the shallow life that she does by clubbing and having casual relationships is never going to give her what she truely desires.

I believe she is full of fear...What should i do? I`m 33 and she is 30,i`m prepared to take that gamble to see what happens but will she?

At one moment she wants to see me and get to know me better the next she says it wouldn`t work and distances herself from me,then she starts calling me again,she clearly has a problem,what course of action should i take?

 

[Daniel E.]

Not that I know a lot about relationships, but I think an obvious question is: How long have you and her been dating? Does she not accept invitations to go on future dates?

Anyway, some 2-cent advice from Yahoo Answers that I would generally agree with:

Sometimes we're just not sure if the guy is genuinely interested so it's hard to put our heart on the line. Unfortunately it's an issue that can make relationships very short-lived.

If you REALLY like the girl, try to be patient and just take things as they come. Show her you are genuine by sticking around. Hopefully then you will see a more constant behaviour from her.

Why do women blow hot and cold? - Yahoo! Answers

 

[jeffrey]

Well i`m not sure how to describe the relationship,we have seen each other quite a bit in the gym over the past two years,sometimes we have spoken briefly and always smile at each other.

She contacted me over the internet and broke the ice,she made the first move in showing interest in me and i reciprocated,we kissed and hugged.

I took her to dinner,we had a nice time but before she left we disscused how to proceed and what we would expect from each other,she wanted to be able to see other men and get to know me in the process.

I on the other hand am strictly a one person relationship type,i believe in getting to know the one and not many.

I told her that i couldn`t be with someone knowing that they were having dinner with other potential partners,so she stormed off and i thought that was that.

But she contacted me the next day and told me she couldn`t stop thinking about me,i decided that she could get to know me at the gym but not dating until she was certain she wanted to date me and only me.

We decided to meet at the gym but than she changed her mind so i didn`t go,but i was told that she was at the gym that night,so i rang her and told her i couldnt be putting up with the headche of it all,she told me i had possesive tendencies.

Then the other week she contacted me again and we spoke on the phone for an hour,she wanted to meet,i agreed than the day came she decided that it probably would work out between us and that she couldnt even be friends with me...That was the last i heard.

Other people have told me she has been hurt badly in the past,an instructor at the gym told me to steer clear of her.

I don`t know what to think or do.

 

[Lana]

Hi Jeffrey;

I recall having a similar conversation with a friend of mine who had a problem with a woman dating several men, not just him. He was actually quite miffed by that, where I felt he was in the wrong. My position was that until you both enter and agree on a committed relationship, such demands are inappropriate. Desirable, sure, but not appropriate.

Personally, I don't think it's wrong to see others when determining who will be the one to settle with. And, I'm sorry to say, if a man said to me it's me and only me I'd probably walk away also. I'd feel as if my right to decide for myself is being compromised and it would set off red flags.

I can't speak for your lady friend, I just don't know her and anything said is speculative guesswork based on my own personal experiences and beliefs. But thought if that gives you room for thought....

 

[jeffrey]

I`ve heard of the multi dating thing and have no problem with people doing that at all,thats their way but it isn`t mine.

Jelousy and competitivness are natural feelings that we all have,knowing myself well i would not be comfortable in being at home thinking of someone whom i like,being out with another,i also know for sure that the woman i speak of would feel exactly the same if the boot were on the other foot.

I appreciate your input but it wasn`t food for thought,i already digested that many moons ago.

 

[Lana]

Then you have your answer as to what you should do.

 

[jeffrey]

Maybe i could change to fit her ideal,maybe she will change to fit mine?

Maybe we could meet in the middle?

I have many answers to this problem but its determining which one to choose...I mean she contacted me today but now wont return my messages,i`m becoming baffled!

Now i know why i have been single for so long,to keep sane.

 

[Daniel E.]

IMHO, there is too much drama already for a one-date relationship. I would suggest dating other people or just moving on.