Chronic Suicidality ... Playing the long game ...

[A Nonny Mouse]

Yup the helpable, the wallower, the tainted vile whore we are, out of sight out of mind. Husbandand his gf in our bed just feet away shagging the brains out of eachother ... Yup this is the ****ing good life this. Nowhere to call home, part time kids, we are just a waste of space and a joke to all of humanity .. Like we say ... **** em all ...

 

[GDPR]

You can't control or change what your husband does,but you can change what you do.

That's why I asked about finding a different place to live.There's no way in hell I would be living in the shed,with the two of them inside the house.I think I would rather live under a bridge.

If it was me,I would do whatever I could do,whatever I needed to do in order to get myself together.I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing me fall apart from it.I would pick myself up and carry on despite whatever my husband was doing.

You make it sound so hopeless and like you have no options what-so-ever,but you do have choices,you do have options.You just need to do something.And maybe the first thing you need to do is find somewhere else to live!

---------- Post Merged at 07:25 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:23 PM ----------

Where there's a will,there's a way,but first you have to have the will.Nobody here can do that for you.

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

If we find somewhere to live, he will have to fund house and has already said he will move them to another property. He will ten be tied into a tenancy contract for x months etc and we will not resume permentant care of them. Then we will die. Its this, or a coffin ...

---------- Post Merged at 10:12 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 10:10 AM ----------

And nothing we can do to get outselves together. If we have crisis intervention, he will take kids ful time, so it really is ignore it and carry on. Stop beng selfish, suck it up and all the rest.

 

[GDPR]

I guess I don't really know what else to say,I am so confused by all of this.You say you have to live this way or in a coffin,yet you have also talked about killing yourself for living this way.You complained they were shagging just a few feet away,yet you are the one living a few feet away and also the one paying for the house they are shagging in.

Surely if you can afford to pay for a house you can afford to find a better place to live,something big enough for you and your children.You get a place and you work on getting yourself better,prove that you can provide for your kids,are stable and capable of taking care of them.You work toward that goal.

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Ok, us that have it all wrong. Us that are not trying, us that's useless and selfish. Never mind. Justlike everything, stupid selfish and waste of space. No point moaning, just like a child, no-one listens, they just lock the door and walk away.

 

[MHealthJo]

I know you don't believe this yet Evie, and it will be hard for you to see that it's possible until something changes. But you really COULD build a decent life for yourself and your kids. It really can happen....

You need to get started off by working with your therapist to make changes to your self-image, and to disconnect your emotions from your husband and his choices. Holding onto something that's gone, and holding onto anger and the past connected with someone who has moved on, is very poisonous to you.

Nothing can happen if you emotionally or mentally grip tightly to this aspect of the past, or keep engaged with his life now.

Nothing can happen if you keep believing that your worth or identity are somehow tied up in this person, and if you keep your focus on that instead of the future.

You can have a positive relationship with your kids, part custody, a worthy life of your own, and even a new relationship someday, if you let go of what's gone.

It's gone. He's gone.

But don't let him make YOU be gone, or feel gone, just because of that. You can go on seperate paths, and you need to.

That's where you need to direct your thoughts, in order to do what's positive for your kids.

You can do it, too. You don't think so now but you can.

It won't be easy at all. But what you're doing now doesn't sound very easy or cope-able.

Go down that path when you decide you're ready. There's really nothing for you where you currently are.

Call the police on the person who is a risk to your kids. Or find a shelter/charity for women and children at risk, and let them know the situation and they will help you get yourselves safe and sorted out. They may work with you over quite a period of time to do that so don't panic. It seems overwhelming but talk with them and your therapist. You can escape this hell without ending your life or putting your kids at risk.

Having dignity and teaching it to your kids, will keep them safe from the bad person, and is the ONLY way to keep them safe from other bad people in the future who are always there to prey on anyone who has not been taught and shown healthy things. They are going to have to learn healthy things somewhere. If the other side/rest of your family seems not conducive to that, it might have to be you to teach the healthy things. Any small new step you take, begins that process.

xx

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Today was not a good day ... We got into such a state this morning we took whatever meds we could find regardless of consequences ... Fell unconcious at some point and woke feeling much better ...
Anyways ... Other half, ex whatever to call him had notcied before this we weren't right and he tackled us about it this evening.
We have said to him we want to start putting the wheels in motions to get him and her out the house as we can't tolerate it. He even said about looking at renting in the same village which surprised us ... Much less hate in his voice today ... But we've made a start ok ... Sorry for being useless ... We really are trying ...
Goal for week ... Get useless cmht to put crisis plan in place ... Wish us luck ...

 

[MHealthJo]

Excellent Evie.

Keep in contact with your therapist, helplines, information sources, to support and guide you on your way.

You are not useless and you might be surprised how different you can start feeling when you use CBT resources to counteract those mean things your mind says to you. Your mind can learn to put yourself down less and you will be surprised how much that will help you. x

---------- Post Merged at 10:33 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 10:08 AM ----------

Something to start thinking about too, (not easy yet where you are, not easy ever really, but still absolutely true) is, you have worth and value and a right to be here, etc, no matter what... Humans have inherent worth, it does not depend on having a job, having a relationship, being successful, having an illness or problem, how anyone treats you, how anyone thinks or views you, or anything like that. It is irrelevant.

We all have complex histories and all that stuff doesnt take away our worth.

These things are irrelevant. They are just part of the chaos of life. Things in life can go well, or can go wrong. We can get things right or get things wrong. And everybody gets plenty of things wrong in life.

It's all just irrelevant. We are all humans, imperfect and equal to each other, with inherent worth no matter what has gone wrong in our lives. Nothing changes that ever. x

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

E don't have any support. Its being taken away because we are nt stable. So ... Whatever. Constantly tainted vile and worthless.

 

[rdw]

Which support has been taken away and by whom? No one here believes you are tainted, vile or worthless - those are your thoughts and it is flawed thinking .

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Lost nhs counscellor last week, told today we are being taken out of group as not stable enough. Leaves private therapy if and when we can afford it

 

[rdw]

If I recall correctly the group therapy wasn't working well for you. When do you see your private therapist next?

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What happened with the nhs therapist?

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Only allocated 8 sessions ...

 

[Mari]

I could not continue in group either which did not make me feel very good about myself and I am still struggling with that. You can quite possibly apply for another 8 sessions - they might turn you down but with the support of your GP they might allow you - it could be worth trying.

 

[Jesse910]

Nonny (Evie) you have plenty of support. Unfortunately, for reasons you have mentioned, you are unable to grasp how important our suggestions have been for you. And, I agree with RDW, the only person who is working against you is yourself.

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Oh sorry ... Sorry for not being able to 'cope' on one hour a week support. That is THE only person we actually speak to from one day to the next ... There is no-one we chit chat with, no-one to message if we are having a glum moment, nothing. A sigle hour of human interaction a week ... Sorry for being usless enough and selfish and needy ...
Really don't understand where you think we do try from ?
I am so sorry I can't keep doing this, hated and despised in the house we live in, no contact from mental health services for months, yes we had 8 weeks with nhs counscellor, to support our attendance at group. We clam up, physically can't speak. We are now being removed from group as too unstable, yet you have the opinion, we are well supported and our fault for not working and trying hard enough ... Ok genuinely am sorry ... And genuine thanks for replies and suggestions ...

 

[Jesse910]

Nonny (Evie), let me clarify "support" because it appears that we have two different understandings. From your recent message, I believe it is human contact you are seeking. And, the support I am referring to is on this website. You are correct. Unfortunately, it is not possible for us to physically be with you. And, that's rough and I know it. There are times when I wish the entire community could visibly cheer me on when I'm down. However, I take the support that I receive and I work with it. Each message of support and care is a gift that can assist you in figuring out the best way to handle your situation. You definitely need some one-on-one therapy and 8 weeks is not long enough. I can also understand clamming up in a group. I'm not good with groups either and I avoid them. Are you being removed from the group because you are unable to verbally communicate or because someone thinks your needs are greater than the group can support?

For all the reasons that you are avoiding the obvious available support physically near you, is the very reason why you could benefit from in-patient care. And, before you say "no," please understand that we are here for you on this website. The testament to that fact is that we have continued to try and assist you with suggestions. However, we are not physically present with you. Thus, we cannot determine how badly you are hurting and offer you proper treatment. I sincerely understand your refusal to obtain care as you think that you will lose your children. However without care, you may continue to spiral downward and there's no need for that. Years ago, I heard a speaker say, "we can debate the issues all day long, but the bottom-line is that when help is available, do we take it? You are in a self-made prison without a You can obtain help! You will still have our support and compassion, but you need to make the first step towards wellness. The bond between Mothers and their children is very strong. And, it will stand firm unless something harms that bond. If you do not get help, those bonds could be irreparably harmed. Nonny, you have more to gain. Give yourself permission to try. I know you're afraid and that first step is hard, but you deserve to be whole.

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

We are being refused group because we don't talk and because we are not stable in 'home life' apparently ... Doesn't matter ... Nothing has changed except more responsibility and more stress .. But that's ok, own fault we don't want help so ...

 

[Jesse910]

I'm sorry that you have been unable to find solutions to your situations. If you could allow yourself to receive care, your life might have a chance.

 

[A Nonny Mouse]

Why is it assumed we have refused care ? We have been to mental health team this week .. Begged for help ... Got nothing ... What else are we supposed to do ? We've asked ... Repeatedly ... As far as they are concerned ... Not their problem. Do you not realised the stae of mental heath care in the uk ?