DPD and feeling empty and alone

[I cling to you]

Hi, everyone!

I feel alone, I know others have DPD or know people who do, but then why is it that I still feel like I am the only one?

I want to explain it the best I can for you to understand how I live/feel:

I had a lot of problems in my teenage years with relationships, if I had a boyfriend and we would break up or drift apart, I'd immediately go to someone else to fill that void. I needed, and still need, a sense of "belonging" to someone and being cared for.

Now I am very clingy to people (especially to my husband:inlove, cannot perform well at jobs because of lack of confidence in starting/completing tasks on my own, don't allow myself to make even the littlest decisions (ask for peoples' input), and feel very empty and anxious whenever I am left alone.

Due to losing a lot of people in my the past, I am in constant fear of losing the people in my life now. Which is no way for anyone to live, but believe me, I have TRIED to grow past it..

I am still very very dependent on my parents even though I haven't lived with them for a while, and constantly need reassurance that they ARE there for me, and always will be.

And now since I have developed my Fibromyalgia, I am in constant pain and feel the only way to be able to deal with it is to be comforted and held. And if someone doesn't do that for me I get very depressed. I expect my husband to "cling" to me like I cling to him... but that isn't his nature.

I am scared of having to take care of myself and do things for myself... I'd rather have others do them for me, and others may view it as being "lazy" or "irresponsible" or "childish", but what it is is me being in constant fear and needing reassurance... getting reassurance from others is what I live for. But I don't want to live like that anymore.:hissyfit: I want to be a strong, independent 21 year old.

:funny:

So, how is everyone else feeling today?

 

[Into The Light]

Re: DPD and feeling empty/alone.

welcome :hithere:

i was just wondering what DPD is?

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: DPD and feeling empty/alone.

DPD = Dependent personality disorder (Wikipedia)

 

[amastie]

Re: DPD and feeling empty/alone.

Hi I Cling To You,
and welcome to PsychLinks
All that you are, all that you feel is welcome with open arms here. Over time, you may find some words here that helps you to feel supported

 

[Charity]

Re: DPD and feeling empty/alone.

Believe me, you're far from being the only one!! I have a different diagnosis, Borderline Personality Disorder, but there seems to be some overlap in the ways it affects our lives. I've noticed something in my own life that may be encouraging to you-- As time has passed, as I've gotten a little older (I'm 29 now) and gained more experience in life and in different situations, that particular aspect of things has gotten LOTS better. I'm not saying that either of us will ever be completely at ease in all situations, but I just wanted you to know from my own experience that it can get better with time.
I'm married too, and my husband has been great in sticking by me and being patient when I'm not doing so well... Once upon a time, I couldn't stand to be alone at all. If things were really bad on any given day, I would physically cling to him, crying, begging him not to leave me all alone-- as though that were the worst possible thing one person could do to another. I can remember how intense those feelings were, how terrified I was that I might end up by myself for a while... but I don't feel that way at all now.
Unfortunately, much of this improvement has only come at the cost of great personal discomfort. I think the only way I was ever going to learn to do things was by being forced to do them! When I was 21, I had never had a job or anything because I simply couldn't handle it- no way. Then one day I found myself in a financial situation where I had no choice but to go and at least try, if I didn't want to wind up cuddled up with hubby in a cardboard box! I was miserable, and I hated it, and I broke down time after time-- and then one day it was okay. I had finally gotten used to the environment, even though it took a while, and now I feel confident that I could work any job I wanted to. It sucked soooo bad-- but I also can't imagine what my life would be like now if I'd just stayed put. Okay, I still have all sorts of problems, emotionally; just not that one anymore.
I don't know if you're anything like me or not... I just wanted you to know that this is something that can get better, and you're definitely not just doomed to feel this way forever. Apparently for some of us, what doesn't kill us really does make us stronger!

 

[ladylore]

Re: DPD and feeling empty/alone.

:goodpost: Charity.

 

[amastie]

Re: DPD and feeling empty/alone.

ditto to ladylore

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: DPD and feeling empty/alone.

hi i can understand somewhat what you are feeling because my daughter is 20 yrs old and is still very clingy and needs reassurance alot but now that she has been getting therapy she is doing much better take care mary