Cat Dancer
MVP
Not for the childhood stuff so much, but for what happened when I was a teenager and an adult. I KNEW better by then, know better now. I think the blaming myself is a huge reason I can't heal. I am not sure how to get past this.
- Thread starter Cat Dancer
- Start date
forgetmenot
MVP
the abuse that happened to you as a child contributes to what has and is happening today You are not to blame ok your are simply NOT to blame
The abuse we survive as a child conditions us to accept it as an adult. I did not realize until my thirties that my childhood was abnormal -it was my normal. I did not realize until my fifties that I had a right to say no to others demands.
I agree with what's already been said.
I still have a hard time,sometimes,with the things that happened when I was a teenager and should have known better.My therapist has told me I shouldn't blame myself for what I was taught to do,what I was trained to do.
I try to see it in that way,that I was doing what I had been doing since birth,that it was all I knew.
When I learned how to ride a bike,every time I got on one after that I automatically started pedaling.When I learned how to tie my shoes,I automatically knew how to tie like I was taught after that.So I guess all the other stuff was no different really,and it doesn't matter that it was wrong,it was still what I was taught.
It's hard to not beat myself up for it or blame myself though sometimes still.But if I think about if it happened to some other person,some other kid,would I blame them for it? I wouldn't! I would never blame a kid for what was done to them or what they were taught to do,I would put the blame where it belongs.
Even though I am an adult now,I still tie my shoes the way I was taught,I still start pedaling when I get on a bike. I still do everything automatically,the way I was taught. And all I can do now is learn new/different ways of doing things if I want them to change.
I hope that makes sense and you understand what I am trying to say.
I still have a hard time,sometimes,with the things that happened when I was a teenager and should have known better.My therapist has told me I shouldn't blame myself for what I was taught to do,what I was trained to do.
I try to see it in that way,that I was doing what I had been doing since birth,that it was all I knew.
When I learned how to ride a bike,every time I got on one after that I automatically started pedaling.When I learned how to tie my shoes,I automatically knew how to tie like I was taught after that.So I guess all the other stuff was no different really,and it doesn't matter that it was wrong,it was still what I was taught.
It's hard to not beat myself up for it or blame myself though sometimes still.But if I think about if it happened to some other person,some other kid,would I blame them for it? I wouldn't! I would never blame a kid for what was done to them or what they were taught to do,I would put the blame where it belongs.
Even though I am an adult now,I still tie my shoes the way I was taught,I still start pedaling when I get on a bike. I still do everything automatically,the way I was taught. And all I can do now is learn new/different ways of doing things if I want them to change.
I hope that makes sense and you understand what I am trying to say.
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