- Thread starter Lonewolf
- Start date
Proud of you Lonewolf. You have done very, very well.
Wish I could give more suggestions about things that could be distracting; it is not my area of firsthand experience though. I am a huge fan of things like computer or phone games that get one's mind and hands engaged, but everyone is different. I think the key is to just keep trying lots of things, as you have....continue on, try anything - as long as it is safe and doesn't put you in risky situations or anything like that.
Great job having a rat cuddle!! It's certainly hard replacing a coping option that we are very used to, and you must remember this and consciously give yourself a lot of positive messages for everything that you do in positive directions. You do gradually get used to hearing and thinking positive things towards yourself instead of negative. And getting a little bit more used to that, is part of what will make this coping method of your past up until now, begin to seem more foreign and unwanted and reduce the urges.
I wish it was easier for me to understand what the 'need' is that is trying to be met through s/h. If one knows what the 'need' is, then there's a starting point there for how to go about meeting that 'need'. I wonder if could be helpful to do some googling and finding recovery blogs and websites that go into this topic, and looking at where others ultimately figured out what it is they are needing in that time and how to meet it.
Also, feel free to type here in the word association games, This or That game, etc...
Wish I could give more suggestions about things that could be distracting; it is not my area of firsthand experience though. I am a huge fan of things like computer or phone games that get one's mind and hands engaged, but everyone is different. I think the key is to just keep trying lots of things, as you have....continue on, try anything - as long as it is safe and doesn't put you in risky situations or anything like that.
Great job having a rat cuddle!! It's certainly hard replacing a coping option that we are very used to, and you must remember this and consciously give yourself a lot of positive messages for everything that you do in positive directions. You do gradually get used to hearing and thinking positive things towards yourself instead of negative. And getting a little bit more used to that, is part of what will make this coping method of your past up until now, begin to seem more foreign and unwanted and reduce the urges.
I wish it was easier for me to understand what the 'need' is that is trying to be met through s/h. If one knows what the 'need' is, then there's a starting point there for how to go about meeting that 'need'. I wonder if could be helpful to do some googling and finding recovery blogs and websites that go into this topic, and looking at where others ultimately figured out what it is they are needing in that time and how to meet it.
Also, feel free to type here in the word association games, This or That game, etc...
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
The need is generally to obtain fast though temporary relief from unpleasant feelings such as anxiety or anger.
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What, generally, are ways that those feelings (intense anxiety, intense anger etc ) can actually be acknowledged and soothed by the self?
Would "inner child" guided meditations and things like that be of use here - instead of trying to get the feeling to 'just go away', is the underlying actual 'need', the need for a feeling to be heard and cared about by someone?
Is the key with these things, being able to actually feel the feeling, and then 'be there for yourself' with caring and empathetic self-talk, things like that, so that the feeling is actually felt but then processed and soothed?
Is doing that, something that a person in LoneWolf's situation can begin doing? Or is it something that is better to begin to do with a therapist present?
Would "inner child" guided meditations and things like that be of use here - instead of trying to get the feeling to 'just go away', is the underlying actual 'need', the need for a feeling to be heard and cared about by someone?
Is the key with these things, being able to actually feel the feeling, and then 'be there for yourself' with caring and empathetic self-talk, things like that, so that the feeling is actually felt but then processed and soothed?
Is doing that, something that a person in LoneWolf's situation can begin doing? Or is it something that is better to begin to do with a therapist present?
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Yes. Doing what she is doing, soothing by cuddling with her pets, is a start. Or doing other activities which make the world slow down and help her to feel good, whatever they might be. Physical exercise might help too.
Anything that helps to reduce or discharge the underlying anxiety (or other negative feelings) should help to decrease the intensity of the urges.
Anything that helps to reduce or discharge the underlying anxiety (or other negative feelings) should help to decrease the intensity of the urges.
forgetmenot
MVP
I am sorry Lonewolf i do not have much to say but i do hope that you continue to take care of YOU ok showing yourself kindness like being with your pets
taking a warm bath eating something that brings you joy ok You have come so far glad you are reaching out for support when you need it
taking a warm bath eating something that brings you joy ok You have come so far glad you are reaching out for support when you need it
Lonewolf
Member
AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!! It's so darn difficult right now!! I haven't S/H!! All the stuff that would have been released by it is swimming around inside me and I feel like I am slowly going insane with it!! I am doing my best!! Maybe I'm just not strong enough for this kind of struggle? I am so stressed out right now!! I am sorry!! I know this problem is very pathetic, it's embarrassing!!
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
You are strong enough. Just take it one hour at a time. Or half an hour. Or 15 minutes. Whatever works.
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Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Lonewolf
Member
I am so tearful! I have had several times recently where the tears just fall and they come no matter where i am or what I am doing!! I don't know why i haven't dehydrated yet!! I don't quite understand where they are all coming from? Once they start, they are very difficult to stop!! I was in a queue in the supermarket today, I saw a mum cuddling her son and that started them off!! By the time i got through the checkout, i was a complete mess!!
There is nothing wrong with crying - accept it. You are tearful right now - will you always be? Probably not! You have come a long way and are going to be receiving the help you need. Those are wonderful things.
I used to cry every morning going to work and every evening coming home. Some days I had to turn my chair around so others in the room couldn't see my tears. You are not alone.
I used to cry every morning going to work and every evening coming home. Some days I had to turn my chair around so others in the room couldn't see my tears. You are not alone.
Lonewolf
Member
I guess i am not used to feeling like this, the S/H usually intervines!! This is new to me!! And it's scarey!!! Unpredictable!!
I wonder if part of the difficulty also, could be the idea that your feelings are 'not allowed' or 'stupid' or 'selfish' or 'not important' - messages you have been given. When we still feel those ideas, it could make the feelings seem even scarier...? Like somehow maybe we are going to be in trouble or in danger?.... Not sure.....
Some inner child guided meditations encourage you to imagine a child version of yourself telling or expressing hard feelings / crying to a very kind, caring, supportive & strong current version of yourself, and having the older version hold the younger one and soothe them, telling them they will always be there for them and that they will be OK. Many people have found exercises like that quite helpful.
Hang in there Lonewolf, it will get easier OK.
Some inner child guided meditations encourage you to imagine a child version of yourself telling or expressing hard feelings / crying to a very kind, caring, supportive & strong current version of yourself, and having the older version hold the younger one and soothe them, telling them they will always be there for them and that they will be OK. Many people have found exercises like that quite helpful.
Hang in there Lonewolf, it will get easier OK.
Lonewolf
Member
As a child, I was hit with a leather belt if i showed any other emotion than being happy!! I don't understand why and never made any sense of it!! I think that is why i am the way i am!! There are always consequences!
I am sorry to hear you were victimized by emotional abuse by your parent(s), Lonewolf. The reason you can't understand it is simply because it doesn't make sense to a rational person. Perhaps the parent who abused you was a victim of abuse themself, or that parent was just poorly informed and had a distorted view of life.
Whatever the cause, there is help available so you can reclaim control of your life.
I thought this article titled "The Invisible Scar" had information you might find helpful.
Does it provide some insights to your situation?
I am so sorry you were treated this way LW.
What a difficult background you have had.
As you begin to set aside fear of feeling emotions and unfair judgment toward your emotions, and actually feel them and kindly 'be there for yourself' during feeling them, nurtiring yourself in some way during or after them, you will come to find they can be felt and survived and gotten through, and it is best to do so without the extra problems of hurting yourself physically.
The process will begin to heal you too.
Talking through what your emotions are about will do this too. Your therapy and Psychlinks as well as any groups or social workers you might have, can all be used for this purpose so just remember that we are here.
What a difficult background you have had.
As you begin to set aside fear of feeling emotions and unfair judgment toward your emotions, and actually feel them and kindly 'be there for yourself' during feeling them, nurtiring yourself in some way during or after them, you will come to find they can be felt and survived and gotten through, and it is best to do so without the extra problems of hurting yourself physically.
The process will begin to heal you too.
Talking through what your emotions are about will do this too. Your therapy and Psychlinks as well as any groups or social workers you might have, can all be used for this purpose so just remember that we are here.
Lonewolf
Member
OMG!! Today has been so tough!! Everything i look at changes into a weapon!! I have been scratching alot just to relieve the urges a little!! Thankyou all so much for being so supportive!! I know i can be a pain, but i do appreciate it! I am getting increasingly anxious about my first therapy session that starts this tuesday! If anyone can suggest anything to help me with this anxiety, i would appreciate that too!! Thanks!
My favourite free guided meditations are at meditationoasis.com - click on Listen To Our Podcast. Have a look at the list and see if the description of one of them sounds the most soothing.
Breathe deeply as you listen and try to focus your attention on each little sound you hear, the air going in and out... Watch with awareness, the thoughts and feelings as they come up... Clenching your muscles then letting the clench go, can be anxiety-releasing too.
Mindfulness can be very useful... getting used to the thought we can have of, "Feelings are OK. Feelings are not threatening or dangerous to me. Letting them happen, will also reduce their impact and grow my strength. And they can only get to a certain intensity, then they naturally peak and begin to ebb off. - IF you let them be."
Watching the feeling in each 30-second timeframe, giving it an intensity number from 1 to 10, and continuing, will also help you get through the peaks and see it ebbing downward.
And hey, scratching's a lot safer than some other things.... Keep your nails nice and clean and have a nice clean shower once or twice a day, and there seems much less harm in that. Do spend time also though, on learning these other ways of "letting feelings happen".
Good job hanging in there!!
Breathe deeply as you listen and try to focus your attention on each little sound you hear, the air going in and out... Watch with awareness, the thoughts and feelings as they come up... Clenching your muscles then letting the clench go, can be anxiety-releasing too.
Mindfulness can be very useful... getting used to the thought we can have of, "Feelings are OK. Feelings are not threatening or dangerous to me. Letting them happen, will also reduce their impact and grow my strength. And they can only get to a certain intensity, then they naturally peak and begin to ebb off. - IF you let them be."
Watching the feeling in each 30-second timeframe, giving it an intensity number from 1 to 10, and continuing, will also help you get through the peaks and see it ebbing downward.
And hey, scratching's a lot safer than some other things.... Keep your nails nice and clean and have a nice clean shower once or twice a day, and there seems much less harm in that.
Do spend time also though, on learning these other ways of "letting feelings happen". Good job hanging in there!!
Lonewolf
Member
These tears have been so painful and they appear whenever they need to!! I still haven't S/H but it still very difficult to resist!! I am very embarrassed about these tears because I don't have complete control over them and its not easy to choke them back!! I can't work out if there are things that trigger them as I can be anywhere doing anything when they appear!! What is happening to me? Please help me cope with this? Any advice would be appreciated!! mg:
mg:This is only my lay person's nickle opinion, that should be investigated when you speak to a mental health professional:
Could it be the anxiety you feel about not showing emotions, in this case, crying, is triggering your tears?
I seem to recall your sharing to us that you were discouraged to show emotion during your growing up years. If this is so, is it possible the anxiety you feel about the possibility of being anxious and expressing an emotional response by crying (a completely normal and human reaction) is triggering unexpected crying?
Could it be the anxiety you feel about not showing emotions, in this case, crying, is triggering your tears?
I seem to recall your sharing to us that you were discouraged to show emotion during your growing up years. If this is so, is it possible the anxiety you feel about the possibility of being anxious and expressing an emotional response by crying (a completely normal and human reaction) is triggering unexpected crying?
Lonewolf
Member
Do you know of anything I could do to have more control of it? Will it calm down by itself? I find this a very difficult issue because crying always makes me feel extra vulnerable, especially when it is unfortunately in public! When I am open to attack!
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