Is learned confidence the same as natural confidence?

[Garak]

I'm not really expecting a definitive answer here, moreso looking for opinions/thoughts etc.

I've found from speaking to people that some come off as naturally confident, not cocky, but confident. It just seems they were born that way, and that is part of their personality. With others I don't want to say its false, but it tends to be slightly more exaggerated and doesn't come off as natural, almost as if under that shell of confidence is someone frightened (a bit of an extreme statement), but hopefully you get the idea.

One thing that's always troubled me somewhat is, should we be more accepting of our natural personality, or she we be working to better ourselves all the time (even if its not necessarily bettering ourselves).

 

[Into The Light]

i suspect that the people who come off as naturally confident are in fact confident. those who don't seem as natural probably either are trying to project confidence or think they are confident when in fact there is an underlying insecurity.

i think the "natural confidence" as you call it can be learned. it takes a certain mindset, a certain way of thinking, and thinking can be modified.

those are my thoughts

added:

One thing that's always troubled me somewhat is, should we be more accepting of our natural personality, or she we be working to better ourselves all the time (even if its not necessarily bettering ourselves).

personally i like to strive to better myself all the time, but at the same time i also strive to accept those parts of my personality that i tend to not be happy with, when they objectively may not necessarily be bad.

 

[Halo]

One thing that's always troubled me somewhat is, should we be more accepting of our natural personality, or she we be working to better ourselves all the time (even if its not necessarily bettering ourselves).

My opinion is that while we should be accepting of our natural personality, everyone is capable of changing and when it is for the better and to improve one's life then it is definitely beneficial.

 

[Lana]

I'm not really expecting a definitive answer here, moreso looking for opinions/thoughts etc.

I've found from speaking to people that some come off as naturally confident, not cocky, but confident. It just seems they were born that way, and that is part of their personality. With others I don't want to say its false, but it tends to be slightly more exaggerated and doesn't come off as natural, almost as if under that shell of confidence is someone frightened (a bit of an extreme statement), but hopefully you get the idea.

One thing that's always troubled me somewhat is, should we be more accepting of our natural personality, or she we be working to better ourselves all the time (even if its not necessarily bettering ourselves).

Hi Garak;
I think confidence is either there or not. We're not really born into it, but our childhood may have a strong impact on whether we embrace it and use it, or not.

Sometimes, people are coming out of a certain chapter of their lives, out of some personal growth or development and those first steps can seem strained giving off a sense of uncertainty and unsureness. If someone didn't have confidence before about something that they've worked on, they may be growing into it and it may seem unnatural because...well, they've just stepped into it and it doesn't happen overnight. So I don't know if I'd call it fake, but it may be more like testing the waters, see how it fits and how it's received.

And, of course, there are those that pretend to be confident while shaking in their boots. But you know, confidence is a good thing and I'd encourage it if it's warranted, and offer constructive comments if it's not. I just focus on the positive traits of that person and smile. That's it. If they're nervous, it calms them. If they're false, it humbles them. If they're scared, it helps them let go of fear and the the real person emerge. All in all, that is my aim...to offer a non-judgmental, safe environment where the other person can be him or her self. And that, to me, is a privilege that they either grant or not.

As for the second question, I say yes to both. Accepting yourself for who and what you are is a good thing. This will allow you to identify and master your strengths, abilities, and skills. And it will also help you decide what you want to work on, improve, or extend yourself into.

If you don't know who and what you are, how can you know what you need to "better"?? Maybe you're already fantastic at that aspect and would rather use it, rather then rebuild it, and develop other attributes that you want.

 

[braveheart]

I never got to develop confidence as a child and teen, due to bullying, emotional abuse and emotional neglect.
However, I am building confidence in myself with the help of psychotherapy.

My view is that any confidence is learned, really. Early relationships teach confidence and self assurance. Or not.
Where early relationships have been deficient, a later, therapeutic or otherwise supportive relationship can help provide a nurturing environment for the development of confidence.

 

[Emotions_Blocked]

I am one of those "learned confidence" guys.

I have been bullied until i was 16 at school , so i started developping my self-confidence after that. Until then i believed i couldn't get a girlfriend because i was ugly. And i was very very shy.

I have to admit, i am 25, and yes, i am doing a lot better. But still i recognize that the confidence i build, by living, facing challenges, e.t.c. sometimes feels "fake".

It seems like i just have thick layer covering me and pure water on the inside...

It only needs the right amount of hits, or a well sharpened knife to break the surface and the water starts flowing out.

Maybe psychotherapy is needed afterall. Maybe one has to face the thoughts that keep him from being TRULY confident. Maybe REAL confidence starts from the INSIDE OUT and not vice versa.. No matter how THICK your confidence layer gets, it will always be a LAYER.