Not sure how to help son

[momof5]

My 21 year old son has autisim spectrum disorder. Aspergers syndrome. He wasn't diagnosed until he was about 18-19 years old.

His anger has calmed down, and he still needs to see his psychologist. Hubbie needs to reschedule the appt, but with sons work hours we don't know if he works during the day or at night.

Joes issues are social. He feels like he doesn't fit in. He tries, but I don't think he knows how to do so.

We are attending a new church and he does go to the study night and he also took a leadership course in it. When they had the graduation thing, I had to talk him into going up and accepting his "diploma" for attending the program.

People come up to him and they try to talk to him, but he just doesn't know how to respond and I am beyond knowing how to help him. I really think that people want to be his friend, but he just doesn't know how to read people.

 

[Retired]

As you probably know, people with Aspergers cannot read social cues by others, the general population takes for granted when interacting with others. A person with Aspergers cannot recognize a smile means happy and a frown means sad and checking one's watch means I need to leave.

I believe there are resources that provide training for people with Aspergers to learn scripts to deal with specific social situations.

One of the most well known advocates and a person with Aspergers who has overcome this obstacle by learning scripts, and who talks about it publicly is Dr. Temple Grandin

Has your son ever received any form of counseling to learn skills for interacting with others?

 

[momof5]

Hi Steve, nice to see you again.

I understand that people with aspergers aren't able to see the signs of relationships like we can.

I suppose I'm looking for things that will help me to help him because he doens't want to do any reading on aspergers.

I know that he doesn't have a time concept, and this makes my husband angry. I know they also don't think about a lot of things the way that we do, or that getting to work on time means trying to do, say, lunch the night before to help him get out the door faster.

I see people walk towards him in church smiling when they seem him, but he doesn't see that smile. I have read several things online about aspergers and the things that they see and don't see with what they have, or rather notice might be the better word?

No training has been done yet with him, and I think that the psychologist would work with him on this if we could get him there, but he works for the school system and is part time, but we don't know till that day that he is off when they call him. He does need to go back to him. I see a difference in him when he goes regularly.

Thanks for your time in replying.

 

[Retired]

As an advocate for people with Tourette Syndrome, I believe similar principles would apply to people with Asperger's to point them toward the training required to be productive independent and most important, integrated adults.

I became interested in Asperger's in the last few years when I learned of a family member (likely with Asperger's) whose elderly father passed away and the son was unable to function on his own. He had been sheltered and secluded all his life and suddenly when left on his own did not have the skills to integrate and to live independently.

As a Tourette advocate, I stress the importance of providing the child or young adult in the family every possible opportunity to understand their disorder, and to give them a sense of self esteem and self confidence to be able to achieve their life goals.

There are a number of "Sticky" posts in the Psychlinks Autism/Asperger's Section you might find informative. Also have a look at the Asperger's Section of our sister TSFC Forum where the "Sticky" posts might provide additional insights. One thread in particular (2 posts in that thread) is the overview of Asperger's along with the medical overview from Medscape Reference you might want to read HERE.

 

[imbetts]

I can understand what you are saying, even though my son does not have the same conditions as your son. What I did is at first get him to order what he wants at a restaurant, then my son had to be responsible for telling the secretary at his counselor office who he sees and what time his appt is. This got him used to talking to others without feeling any threat of having to carry a conversation. He is getting better about speaking up and I encourage him to do a little more each time. I am not sure how it would be with someone who has aspergers and schizophrenia but I hope it can help even a little bit.

 

[momof5]

He seems fine socially with me.

However, I see that he has no thought process of time. One thing that I have been trying to work with him on.

Steve, your information is great. I am trying to get him to see that he has this. I dont think that he has owned up to it yet. At least not fully. This makes it difficult for him to actually see what he needs to work on.

I get very angry at the school system for letting him fall through the cracks.

Imbets, thanks for your imput. I know that I let joe do things on his own as much as possible.

All this information is terrific, thanks to all of you!

 

[making_art]

Welcome back, Momof5!
Here is a document for parents etc., but you may have already had access to most of this info. Even if there is one more thing you can add to your toolbox from this article then it's worth the read. I think the best avenue would be to find the autism support organization in your area. The ones I have known in my area have courses, workshops and other tools for both the family members/parents and for the individual living with Asperger's or autism. That would be your best resource. They also would have contact information for professional services.

 

[Darkside]

Hi Steve, nice to see you again.

I understand that people with aspergers aren't able to see the signs of relationships like we can.

I suppose I'm looking for things that will help me to help him because he doens't want to do any reading on aspergers.

I know that he doesn't have a time concept, and this makes my husband angry. I know they also don't think about a lot of things the way that we do, or that getting to work on time means trying to do, say, lunch the night before to help him get out the door faster.

I see people walk towards him in church smiling when they seem him, but he doesn't see that smile. I have read several things online about aspergers and the things that they see and don't see with what they have, or rather notice might be the better word?

No training has been done yet with him, and I think that the psychologist would work with him on this if we could get him there, but he works for the school system and is part time, but we don't know till that day that he is off when they call him. He does need to go back to him. I see a difference in him when he goes regularly.

Thanks for your time in replying.

Hi momof5.

I too have a son with Aspergers. He just turned 20 and is staying with me for a month. Yesterday I took him to a family outing for my uncle's birthday. I introduced him to everyone and he did fine. Some of my cousins didn't get it and expected him to handle himself normally in a conversation, but others understood right away. A few (particularly the males his age) stayed away from him. One my first cousins is 64 years old and has an Autism spectrum disorder. It manifests different than with my son but I still wanted them to meet because I was hoping my son would see that he can have a normal life. I actually don't think my son noticed - or at least he didn't say anything.

The only thing I am doing is trying to add some structure to his life while he is here. I encourage him to keep decent hours because if I don't he will stay up all night on his computer and then sleep all day. I don't enforce it ... just encourage it. I also encourage him to eat well and get some exercise. He is overweight and needs to be more active. Again, I don't enforce it ... just encourage it with words and with reason. Exposing him to social activities is the only way he can learn to be social. It will always be a struggle for him, but just being around other people helps.

It sounds like that is what you are trying to do as well. I really think that's all we can do short of some sort of punishment routine which probably wouldn't work with a 20 year old Asperger man. I believe my son will catch on as he gets a little older. He is still fascinated by things that don't interest most adults some of which I think he will grow out of in time.

You said your son is in therapy. Is that helpful for him? What sort of therapy is helpful for an Asperger child?